Quote Originally Posted by dpaterso View Post
Here is one of mine. The MC is anxious, his mind is whirling, I didn't splice sentences together just for this thread. :)

Gordon looked at his watch again. She was late, she was twenty minutes late, was she lost, was her limo driving in circles trying to find the church? It was the big white building with the spire on top, you could see it for miles from any direction.

-Derek
There’s nothing wrong with it. I would read on.

My one thought on the first sentence is that maybe it’s a little too placid, as a first line and also as an action a distraught person is taking.