Quote Originally Posted by Chiara Nova View Post
If you'd ask me for how long I've been here, my best guess would be around fourteen days. I tried to keep track in the beginning, but it was hard to know whether I started counting at day one or day three or day 255, since I didn't know for how long I had been unconscious. I just decided to start at one.
Interesting start. I agree with mrsmg, I don't think you need to use all three sentences to cover the same notion of passing time, but I would read on.


Quote Originally Posted by nycepter View Post
The knife, ever so swift to deliver such a clean cut, dripped warm with the blood of the man and woman who were parents to the now orphaned child. This particular night was cold, the kind of night where one would walk down an empty street filled with broken glass and shadows cast by the buzzing light above as it flickered towards deaths precipice, as if to reflect the night itself. These distinct shadows homed the reverence of the reaper himself, siphoning the calamitous souls in a Caulfieldian essence.
I like my prose rich, but this is too overwritten for me, especially sentence 2 & 3.