mrsmig, denevius: Thank you for the input. That's always something I struggle with at first until I get to clean things up and even then, I still find myself unknowingly getting tell-y. Technical jobs and backgrounds do that. What I can do here with what i posted is just cut things out to start. I was trying to pack too much in and set the atmosphere at the same time. Scuttling was a saved moment to near the end, and later after the post I thought I should have left it that way because saving more for exposition is always a good thing but keeping it interesting until then is the hard test of doing that. So here's where I saw what you talked about and made an adjustment. I'll leave it at this point and move back to the Word window. re-writing and especially the editing are the next lessons. Funny how my teachers long ago forgot to really dig into that bit.
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(cut) Two men sat on a beach, silently watching a driftwood fire, listening to the waves at night. (cut the end and add parts of forth and fifth lines to the second and third) Otto ate from a can while Fitz poked at the fire and said, "Any regrets?" Otto shook his head no in quiet contemplation of how they would start over the next morning.
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Raft shows up later as something interactive with the characters, scuttling as well during their conversation, saves good bits for last.
