Your wish is granted...

Granted. I have often been accused of being an over-achiever. Perhaps you can tell. The holes are large enough to be mistaken for graves and the hostas have been divided to the point that they appear to have been put through a food processor (Is this your Veg-o-matic?). I only await your instructions as to where you would like them buried replanted.


I wish it was possible to find good help these days.

Granted. I've found a Craftsman of the highest quality who has expertise in every field with decades of experience. Unfortunately you can't afford him. Nice try though. After the hosta debacle there's obviously quite a need.

I wish my friend's dog wouldn't slobber on me every time I tried to pet it.

Granted, the dog now slobbers on you out the end that ‘go over the fence last’.

I wish I’d stop obsessing over edits.

Granted. You can no longer edit your posts. Now you are obsessing over not making mistakes.

I wish for humanity to discover FTL space travel (Faster Than Light).

Granted. But now your memory of it must be wiped. You're not meant to know about it. Too bad the chemicals that are used to remove memories are so indiscriminate.


I wish that doctors still made house calls. (anyone remember that?)

Granted. Doctors in statistics and social studies will bugger people all day long to provide informations to politicians and commercial firms.

I wish for this thread to be renamed "Thy wish be granted".

Granted. But no one understands the word "thy" anymore, so no one reads the thread and it dies.

I wish I had a purple submarine.

Granted. It now sits on the edge of your bathtub, next to your scrub brush and rubber ducky.


I wish for a lucky horseshoe.

Granted. But wherever you put it, either your pocket or on your wall, it always falls on your feet or head. Luckily you never had a broken bone.

I wish for a yellow submarine to make Nymtoc jealous.

Granted. You have a yellow submarine, but it is a pathetic little thing that bobs around and won't go down.

I wish I had a silver aircraft carrier with 100 planes on it.

Granted. Though what might have prompted that wish, considering the outcome of your last wish.... yes, the edge of your bathtub is starting to look cluttered. But take solace in the fact that it is made of silver.


I wish someone would mow my lawn.

Granted. You now have two sheep to mow your lawn. It takes a long time but it is ecological and costless (I give them for free) since feeding them only require letting them solve your problem. They even help fertilize the soil with their dropping. As you see there is no downside... What noise? Of course their making noises, they are living things. But isn't it better than the sound of a lawnmower? The neighbors are complaining? And cops tell you you are not authorized to have them? Don't tell me you heed such minor complains. Here, have a ram with big horns and a nasty personality. Be careful because he will be ramming anyone who approach.

I wish to get rid of my allergy to acarids. (I genuinely have been treated for this. It's hell to have one since it imply allergy or at least reactions to many common things.)

Granted. Ticks and "proper" arachnids no longer pose an anaphylactic threat to you. However, you are now allergic to almost everything else. Here's your 10' hypoallergenic hamster ball and a handful of benadryl.


I wish for a set of shears (for removing fleece from sheep).

Granted, but they're an antique rusted pair from the 1600's. There's a real possibility you'll hear the lambs screaming if you attempt their use. Anticipate Roadshow approved.

I wish I lived on a street with a baker, cobbler, and candle stickmaker.

Granted you now live on a street with a Babbler, a coker, and a candle stitcher (what a strange wish ... i HAD to grant it)


I wish I had a dozen blue golf balls.

Granted. You had them. You are sure of this. But they disappeared after a game of golf. You remember one or two players accusing you of cheating with your balls but you didn't catch their names.

I wish for what the poor have in abundance and what the rich lack.

Granted. All the world's poor are now fully stocked with 5,000 drink parasols, a truck load of beach chairs, and a warehouse of individual cabanas, in preparation for unexpected pool parties when all all of their stockbroker 'friends' stop by. Not what you had in mind? Shame. At least the cabanas will come in handy.

I wish that I could make a rainbow appear whenever I wanted to.

Granted. Here's a flashlight and and a waterhose with spray nozzle.

I wish for bottle of SPF 50 sunscreen.

Granted. But there is actually a penury of products doubled with a problem with the delivery service so you will have to wait until November to receive it.

I wish for an eternal spring.

Granted ... you have a brand new slinky


I wish I had that dozen blue golf balls back

Granted, but since the incident with the other golfers you're now known as 'the guy with the blue balls who cheats' which of course is no good to you at all, for innumerable reasons. Best to start the whole thing over again. Maybe choose a different color or something.

I wish that I had understood Azdaphel's previous wish: "I wish for what the poor have in abundance and what the rich lack." which I still kinda don't get, but I'm sure it's just me. Someone else will have to take a crack at it.

Granted. In order to grant your wish in accordance with your wording, you'll need to be sent back in time (only a couple days). Unfortunately none of us will be going with you, so now you'll understand it, but none of us will know it. Anyway, while you're hanging out (back a couple days), I'd avoid meeting yourself while your back there. All Sci-Fi movies and books say bad things happen if you and past-you meet.

I wish I didn't feel so tired.

Granted. An amazing energy-producing orchid grows on the banks of the Kwotycbepozoyni River, in a remote part of the Gobi Desert. The only possible trip is by foot, takes six weeks and is rumored to be a tiny bit dangerous (17 searchers died this year). The Genie is sending you a map.

I wish to be the first man on Mars.

Granted. Why are you so red in the face? Why are you choking and gagging? Oh! You thought you'd have a space suit? With long-lasting (infinite) oxygen? And some kind of shelter? Hmm, strange how few realize the hardships that plague those that are the "Firsts".

I wish toothpaste didn't ruin the flavor of everything for about fifteen minutes afterward.

Granted. The Genie is sending you a lifetime supply of ChocoDent, the chocolate-flavored toothpaste that makes everything eaten for three hours after brushing taste like...well...don't you like chocolate?

I wish I would be named Elections Czar for 2020, so I could make sure there's no funny business.