Your wish is granted...

Granted: The body stays healthy forever, as the mind plunges deeper and deeper into dementia.

I wish the weather would stay like this, partly cloudy, with occasional showers, in the mid-70s, until the first day of winter.

CDSinex said:

Granted: The body stays healthy forever, as the mind plunges deeper and deeper into dementia.

I wish the weather would stay like this, partly cloudy, with occasional showers, in the mid-70s, until the first day of winter.

Click to expand...

Granted, as the weather encapsulating the world shifts to this state, polar melt accelerates to the point that by the time winter arrives, the planet is functionally an ocean.

I wish politicians required a degree of some variety in their field of governance (Environmental Minister requires a Bachelor's in environmental engineering or something e.g.) in order to run for office.

Granted. All political candidates are now required to have degrees in appropriate fields, issued by the (reestablished) Trump University.

I wish I could relive a particular moment in 2003 and give it a different outcome.

Granted: The losing lottery ticket you bought on June 3rd was, after all, a winner. Unfortunately, the 17-years of back taxes, penalties, and interest exceed the amount won.

I wish someone would revive the "Fortunately/Unfortunately" thread.

Wish denied. The Genie is too lazy to go through all kinds of past scribblings to find the hoary old thread that interests you. Find it yourself!


I wish I had a teeter-totter and someone to teeter with.

Granted: You are transported to 1199 just outside Castelnuova Bocca D'Adda where you find yourself on the long side of a trebuchet 'teetering' with a weight designed to fling a 200 Kilo stone some 300 meters. A nearby Frenchman shouts "Lancement!"

I wish I owned all the tea in China.

- - - Updated - - -

Granted: You are transported to 1199 just outside Castelnuova Bocca D'Adda where you find yourself on the long side of a trebuchet 'teetering' with a weight designed to fling a 200 Kilo stone some 300 meters. A nearby Frenchman shouts "Lancement!"

I wish I owned all the tea in China.

Granted: All the tea in China is immediately transported to your exact location, crushing you under its weight.

I wish I could travel somewhere for vacation.

Granted: you can walk the entire way there and be late for your return to work by the time you arrive.

I wish I was a professional athlete.

Granted. You are a professional tightrope walker. You have advanced through circus work and now perform at great heights WITHOUT A NET. The time has come for your greatest feat. You will walk on a cable stretched between the top of the Empire State Building and the top of One World Trade Center, in New York City--a distance of approximately 4 1/2 miles. Hundreds of film and TV cameras are trained on you as your start your perilous walk. You manage to do a half mile before strong winds arrive from the south and...well, people will always remember you.

I wish I could eat pecan pie every day.

Granted. A freshly-baked pecan pie is delivered to your doorstep every morning. It is delicious... so delicious that you find yourself eating slice after slice, consuming the whole pie every day. Your waistline increases, at first by inches, but eventually by feet. It's up to you whether it's worth it... the pie is delicious.

I wish someone would critique my story.

Granted. But he calls your Main Character a vampire - a sexual vampire. You have always thought that she is sweet. But he tells you men shouldn't fall in love with such women. She isn't exactly evil - she is actually a wonderful human being and one can communicate with her beautifully, but one should keep his distance. And he also tells you that your style is worse than a history textbook.

I wish to dance with a Capricious Dancer.

Granted and you enjoy the first several minutes finding the sudden changes in style exciting. Ballroom to salsa, waltz to pop rave, mambo to mosh pit, but when your partner shifts to a rain dance, thunder clouds fill the hall and several dancers are struck by lightning. You mange to evade the bolts but are swept away in the ensuing flash flood.

I wish laundry was not such a bloody chore.

Granted. It is now such fun to sort and poke dirty clothes, you can't have enough of it! Best game ever invented! You start doing laundry more often, because it helps you feel good about yourself. You get addicted to doing laundry. No one understands you. People stop having high expectations from you. I wish I could lose 10 kilograms

Granted! I have sent you back in time to the French Revolution and added your name to the beheading roster. They didn't have the metric system then so the 10kg sadly is pounds, roughly the weight of the human head.

I wish there was a fool-proof way to start a new roll of cling wrap.

Granted. It involves a rather large machine, with many moving parts, but it probably would fit in your garage. All you have to do is make sure it is fully powered (solar is possible), let it run 24 hours before using it, and there you go! (Did I mention that it you can get it for $995 on eBay?)

I wish I never again had to see the face of a certain President. (I refuse to put his name in print.)

Granted. But, whoa boy, did it take some doing. Do you know how many one dollar bills are in circulation around the world?? Well, it's done and you'll never have to see that guy again. Or hear about him either. I have stricken him from all records and erased all memory of him from the timeline. By the way, how do you take your tea?

I wish birds would suddenly appear every time I am near.

Granted. Every time you are near, a dozen vultures appear over your head, circling and circling and circling and...waiting.

I wish I could return to ancient Rome for a day and be the crowd's favorite gladiator in the Colosseum.

Granted! You stand basking in the adoration of the Roman people, sweat glistening on your adrenaline pumped muscles. The cheers are almost deafening, but you do manage to hear one of the other gladiators sidle up to whisper something in Latin. Not understanding the language, you don't realize that he just told you that Romulus sends his regards and he plunges a dagger into your kidney. Turns out you are not the Emperor's favorite. Oopsie.

I wish every time a bell rings, a human gets wings.

Granted. But they are not the feathery wings of an angel, they are like the translucent wings of a killer bee, two on each side. Why do you wish such things?

I wish I could paint as well as Leonardo.

Granted. Though Genie is somewhat puzzled, as Leonardo DiCaprio is much better known for his yachting abilities. But I live to serve, and I must say your stick figures are coming along nicely.

I wish Salma Hayek would fall passionately in love with me.

Granted. But there's a glitch (there has to be, in this thread!). It took place in a parallel universe, and in this universe neither you nor Salma is aware of anything happening at all.

I wish I could zap myself to another place on earth simply by snapping my fingers.

-pdated - -

Granted. And that place is...drum roll please...The Mariana Trench! Yes, you'll be able to visit this fascinating locale any time you desire simply by snapping your fingers. Sort of gives new meaning to the fabulous Queen/David Bowie song 'Under Pressure' doesn't it? (Just be careful not to snap along with the song!)

I wish insects would obey my every command.

Granted. But you must address them in their own language, and the so-called Murder Hornets (Vespa mandarinia), which have begun to wreak destruction in the US recently, understand only Mandarin, and since you don't speak Mandarin (I assume), they attack you and destroy your home and everything else around you.

I wish I could think of a good place to hide the Hope Diamond, after I steal it.

Granted. Genie has outdone himself this time and I think you will be pleased with the result. Once you obtained the Hope diamond (and really, kudos to you for the masterful caper, the stuff of legends), I sent it back to where and when it was first pulled from the Earth! They'll never find it there...er, well they will, but it'll be then not now, sooooo...did I mention how awesome that heist was??

I wish Santa would get his act together and bring me the Spiderman action figure I asked for when I was twelve.

Granted. Unfortunately, that action figure has been in storage all these years, and it has been nibbled by rats and insects to the point where it is unrecognizable. However, never say the Genie doesn't deliver!

I wish I could soar with eagles.