Your wish is granted...

ChloeRose

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Granted. There happens to be an off-broadway production of Alice in Wonderland very close by. The Mad Hatter and the Hare would be happy to have tea with you...as long as it's spiked and you're willing to listen to their complaints regarding how unfair it is that they never made it to the bigtime. Don't be late.

I wish I had a 100-year old turtle.
 

PorterStarrByrd

nutruring tomorrows criminals today
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Granted ... he has been dead for about 40 of them so time has not been kind to him since that incident with the Mack truck.

I wish I had eight goats
 

Azdaphel

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Granted. Each one is a different color: a red goat, an orange goat, a yellow goat... every color of the rainbow. You can't see the eighth one though, unless you are a wizard from this strange flat, circular world sitting atop four elephants travelling through space on the shell of great A'Tuin.

I wish for honest politicians.
 

ChloeRose

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Granted. There are honest politicians. Lots of them, but more often than not they lose elections.

I wish the live 100-year-old turtle I really wanted had a harem of goat friends to hang out with...that would be cool.
 

Azdaphel

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Granted. But you didn't ask to finally have this turtle. But don't worry, there is only one place where you can find it: the Galapagos. Now you know what you must do.

I wish for a good crossover between Sailor moon and Saint Seiya.
 

ChloeRose

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Oh, Azdaphel, you're making me do work for my wish...hardly seems fair.

Granted. As a special designated for super fans, with such as yourself in mind, this crossover made it's extraordinary debut, only but the once. Unfortunately, this person such as yourself that the creators had in mind will have been someone else since you fell asleep for waiting so long. The End.

I wish I had an array of practical jokes that worked and were available to me at any time.
 
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Azdaphel

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I'll smite thee with unholy power and send thee to hell!

Granted. Your jokes are so good everyone wants to hear them. Everyone! People you don't know come to you, invite you or call you. You are buggered all day and night. You no longer have time for you, your friends or your family. Your life has become hell. You shouldn't have ruined my greatest dream.

I wish for inspiration.
 

Norman Mjadwesch

vacuous eyes, will bark at shadows
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Granted. Here is a two year subscription to Playboy magazine.

I wish to not meet the recipient of the aforementioned subscription unless I know that hands have been washed.
 

Azdaphel

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Granted. And since I always wash my hand properly, I have come to you with hell following in my wake... (can I add a cliché evil laugh? can I?).

I wish Norman Mjadwesch looks like is avatar.
 

ChloeRose

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Granted. With N.M,'s salt and pepper dark black hair, rad bod, and warm, soft, pleasing brown eyes, he's now found much better ways to spend his time than responding to this thread...and who could blame him.

I wish I had Napoleon's horse (alive and in good health).
 

Nymtoc

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Granted. But Nap's horse responds only to Nap (who is long dead), and whenever someone else tries to ride him, he rears up and gallops across the countryside at incredible speed, throws the rider and......can you still hear me, ChloeRose?

I wish I had a pumpkin pie.
 

ChloeRose

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Granted Nymtoc....I think, whatever it was you said. I was a little busy when you'd said it.

You'd wished that you had a pumpkin pie?....had being the optimal word? You did have a pumpkin pie, momentarily, but being as skittish as Nap's horse was after that Waterloo incident (shhhh...he doesn't like to talk about it) he engaged in some emotionally eating. Nap's Nabbed your Pie before you even got a slice. He indicated that it was the best pumpkin pie he'd ever had.

I wish that everyone wore vintage hats like the ones seen in the old black and white films of the 1940's-1950's.
 
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Azdaphel

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Granted. And since it would feel silly with today's fashion, I'm sending you back in the 1940's... In France... During World War II. Enjoy the occupation, the denunciations and the collaboration (Petain and Hitler were really good friends).

I wish someone goes back in time and kills Hitler during 1930's. (Who knows what could happen if we change history. Better or worse things?)
 

ChloeRose

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...alas, to change the course of history, much as we may wish it to be so, is not within our powers or prayers.
 

ChloeRose

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I wish I could turn on the radio, tv or read the news today with only good news waiting to be found.
 

Nymtoc

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Granted. Here is a ticket to Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Stay there as long as you want.

I wish I had a pet walrus.
 

NathanLyle

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granted. You have a pet walrus that spends months destroying your house and wasting thousands of dollars on food only to be taken away by the government because it's illegal to have a pet walrus.



I wish that prop comedy was cool again.
 

PointlessAlibi

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Granted but the props end up being your grandmas property.

I wish my books would write themselves with the ideas I have.
 

Nymtoc

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Granted. But you have many ideas, and your books take only the most obvious, simplistic and derivative and turn them into huge volumes that nobody wants to read.

I wish I could be in excellent physical shape without ever having to work out.
 

CDSinex

Imagine something clever here.
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Granted: You become really buff with little to no effort. Sadly, a random drug test at work reveals the presence of massive amounts of anabolic steroids which is a violation of company policy, and you are summarily fired.

I wish I had something better to do.
 

Azdaphel

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No need to grant that, you already have. However, you could wish to know what better things to do you have.

I wish to become a real writer and have a good salary.
 

PointlessAlibi

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Granted but the stories that gives you success is a 2 part series giving you fortune and a salary for 3 years.

I wish I could lose weight without watching what I eat
 

ChloeRose

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Granted. I've made it easy. Your cupboards are now empty of anything tasty or pleasurable. Look all you want for you'll find nothing but "rabbit food". Thanks for the cookies by the way. Magnifique.

I wish my college-student son would respond to my texts....and not just to ask me to buy stuff that he needs.
 

Enlightened

Always Learning
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Granted, but he does them verbally and to himself.

I wish the economy was far healthier than it really is.
 

JohnLine

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Granted, but say hello to your new robot overlords.

I wish you a very happy birthday!