Your wish is granted...

Granted, but that will leave your front vulnerable.

I wish I knew why rap music is so popular.

Granted. But now you've gained such a strong love and appreciation for rap that you can no longer tolerate any other genres.

I wish I could go back to when I was five years old and just redo my entire life.

Granted, but you will be the son of someone you despise in the world.

I wish it were easier for me and others to land agents and managers in screenwriting.

Granted, you land an agent pushing your to screen-write the remake of Gumby.

I wish someone would do all the spring yard work for me and trim all my trees and bushes.

Granted, but once it is done it will grow back at 10x rate.

I wish all fish were free of mercury and microplastics in ocean fish.

Done. But since the problem was not stopped at the source, the mercury and microplastics are reintroduced back into the ocean over time.


I wish some fried chicken.

Done, as long as "fried" is not a drug reference.

I wish I understood why people enter into fear and chaos when raiding stores for staples.

Granted. You are transported into an alternate reality where all apocalyptic scenarios are a reality: zombie invasion, deadly virus outbreak, world war three, alien invasion, you name it. There's even a big asteroid coming up your way as an added bonus. Enjoy your stay.

I wish for the whole world to go mad... what are you saying it's already going mad?

Granted. You answered this one yourself. The world has already gone mad, and there is nothing the Genie can do about it Sorry!

I wish I had a bidet.

No bidets available but I am blinking you a bucket of corn cobs. I understand they were quite the economical substitute during the Depression.

I wish the idiots who are hoarding all of potatoes in St. John Ks, would run out of butter.

- - - Updated - - -

And sour cream!

Granted, unfortunately the dairy industry has taken a catastrophic hit eliminating access to butter, sour cream, milk, cheese, etc. for everyone.

I wish someone else could right my book synopsis for me.

Granted, but what is wrong with lefting it?

I wish I understood the complexities of simplicity.

Granted: The Gennie suggests you apply Occam's razor.

I wish this thunderstorm wouldn't interfere with the satellite TV service.

Granted, but you will only be allowed one channel.

I wish they hired Don Knotts to do Three's Company earlier than season 4.

Granted, Goober and Gomer follow in season 5 and chase away the girls. The producers rename the show to The Odd Threesome and focus on antique car repairs. Its canceled soon after.

I wish my lawn would stay emerald green all year long rather than turn brown in the heat of the summer and the cold of the winter.

Granted. A concrete surface, green paint.

I wish I could go outside without a mask.

Granted, you go outside wearing a full body hazmat suit.

Wish my wife knew how to give me a proper haircut.

Granted. She knows how, but she is distracted today and simply puts a bowl on your head and cuts around it. You look like Moe Howard of the Three Stooges.

I wish I had a 1959 Cadillac, with those huge tail fins.

Granted: The Genie convinces an acquaintance of yours to sell you his 1959 Cadillac. He sells it for a very reasonable price. After you pay him, and sign all of the papers, he says, “Oh, I forgot to mention that it’s in the police impound lot because of unpaid parking tickets.”

I wish it was December.

Granted. It is now December but the earth's axis suddenly shifts, switching the seasons to opposite times of year. December is now the hottest month in the year.

I wish dinosaurs did not go extinct.

The Genie is somewhat confused and asks, “Didn’t you see the documentary, Jurassic Park?

I wish fall would get here soon, and stay until March.

Granted. The fall of man has begun and will take until March to complete, at which point the Earth will start over with a new sentient species.

I wish I wasn't so tired...

Granted. You are filled with energy and bound around irritating everyone with your constant chattering and giggling and eccentric dancing until they all put you on their "ignore" list, permanently.

I wish I lived in a beautiful green forest, where I could learn the languages of all the animals and make friends with them and never have problems again.

Granted - you are the worlds first empathically gifted psychic mayfly - enjoy it while it lasts!

I wish wishes were fishes and everyone could fish them from the sea

Granted-- The world is in chaos and money has little value because everyone's a billionaire.

I wish this body was healthy.