I'm looking for beta readers to critique the character development descriptions of characters and settings, pace, and plot structure of my NA historical novel, Pharaoh of the Sun, which weaves together the key figures: Akhenaten, Nefertiti, Amenhotep III, Tiya, vizier Nahkte (aka Joseph son of Jacob), high priest Meryra, and others into a plot involving romance, adventure, and treachery. It is the first of five historical novels about the origins and secret history of Christianity. It is complete at 36,000 words.
Here is foreword followed by an excerpt:
FOREWORD:
Ever since the archeologist, Flinders Petrie discovered the ruins of Akhetaten in 1893 in what is now called Tel el Amarna, people have speculated about the mystery of the Pharaoh Akhenaten, Queen Nefertiti, their children, and other key players in this historical drama.
It is a mystery because many of the records of what happened during Akhenaten and Nefertiti’s short reign were destroyed. What little remains from clay tablets and tomb paintings and inscriptions are like jig saw puzzle pieces that give us tantalizing hints of parts of the whole picture. The archeologist Barry Kemp of Cambridge University wrote that so little is known about what actually happened during the reign of Akhenaten that "the minute you begin to write about those people you begin to write fiction."1
There have been many works of fiction about Akhenaten, including two by Nobel Prize winners: Akhenaten Dweller in Truth by Egyptian novelist Naguib Mahfouz and Joseph and his Brothers by Thomas Mann. Mahfouz presents conflicting accounts of what happened through fictional interviews with the key players, each offering their viewpoint. While incorporating a lot of historical information to present plausible events and motives, it leaves the reader wondering who was telling the truth and what really happened. Mann presents the theory that Akhenaten was the Pharaoh whose dreams Joseph, son of Jacob interpreted. This is more fact than fiction, as the Archeologist Robert Feather found evidence that indicates that Akhenaten’s father Amenhotep III was that pharaoh and that Joseph, under the Egyptian name, Nakhtpaaten, became Akhenaten’s vizier.2
This novel presents the viewpoints of the key players including Joseph, and their roles in shaping the religious revolution of Akhenaten. It attempts to put all the pieces together into a whole picture that can be understood and appreciated for its historical significance and its message for modern times. I have used real images of 18th dynasty sculptures and paintings as well as modern artists’ renderings of the key persons and places of this drama. And at certain places in the dialog, I have used the actual recorded words of Akhenaten and others in italics. When you read them, you will see how well they fit into the plot of the story.
The final chapter on Akhenaten’s legacy presents what may seem a surprising conclusion, but when you think about it in the light of biblical and historical texts cited, it makes perfect sense and offers some jigsaw pieces to what some consider another puzzle of history: the origins of Christianity.
EXCERPT:
Amenhotep had mixed feelings about the revelation that he would be sent to On to become a high priest of Ra-Horakhti. As much as he detested the priesthood, he respected the priests of On because they worshipped the original sun god, Aten, who was the chief god of the Old Kingdom before all the minor gods of the New Kingdom began crowding heaven. And he was glad that the purpose of his becoming a high priest was to regain control from the priests of Amen-Ra. But he was sad that he would have to leave his beloved Nefertiti for two years.
After eating, Amenhotep got up to find her. He found her in the next room talking with his sister Nebetah.
“Pardon me, Nebetah,” he said, “but I must speak with Nefertiti in private.”
“No doubt to flatter her and pledge your eternal devotion,” said Nebetah wryly. “Would that I could find such a devoted lover. Very well, I will leave you two love birds alone.”
Nefertiti raised her hand in parting and smiled at Nebetah. Then, turning to Amenhotep, she asked, “What is it you wish to speak about?”
“Come,” said Amenhotep, motioning with his hand, “Let’s stroll through the garden.”
The royal palace garden was filled with many exotic flowers and ponds stocked with fish and water lilies. Amenhotep bent down to pluck one of the water lilies and gave it to Nefertiti.
“The fairest flower of the plant kingdom for the fairest flower of the human kingdom.”
Nefertiti took the lily and laughed, “Nebetah was right; you do want to flatter me.”
“It’s not flattery,” protested Amenhotep. “It’s the truth; there is no woman more beautiful than you. But, in any case, I have a more serious matter to discuss.”
Nefertiti lifted an eyebrow. “Oh, what is that?”
“I overheard my father saying that I will go to the sun temple of On to become a high priest of Ra-Horakhti. We will be apart for two years.” Amenhotep stopped and turned to her. “I don’t want to leave you.”
“But it’s such an opportunity,” said Nefertiti wide-eyed. “Just think, the sun temple of On has the greatest library in the world. And you would learn the sacred mysteries of the Healers.”
“What is wisdom without love?” protested Amenhotep. “Our society puts too much emphasis on learning and doing, and too little on feeling.”
“But without learning and doing, you cannot hope to change society,” countered Nefertiti.
Amenhotep smiled, “As always, your logic is infallible.”
“More flattery?”
“Again, it’s the truth; you are not only the most beautiful woman in the world but the most intelligent.” He put his arms around her and sighed. “Oh, I will miss you so.”
Nefertiti replied cheerfully, “I know you; you will be so absorbed in study that the time will pass swiftly, and before you know it, it will be time to return to Thebes. But lest you forget me, I will send you letters and sweetmeats.”
“How could I ever forget you?” asked Amenhotep, gazing into her eyes. “I would sooner forget to breathe than forget you.”
They kissed, and in that kiss, they renewed their pledge to be eternally faithful to each other. Then they continued walking in silence, for nothing more needed to be said.
Here is foreword followed by an excerpt:
FOREWORD:
Ever since the archeologist, Flinders Petrie discovered the ruins of Akhetaten in 1893 in what is now called Tel el Amarna, people have speculated about the mystery of the Pharaoh Akhenaten, Queen Nefertiti, their children, and other key players in this historical drama.
It is a mystery because many of the records of what happened during Akhenaten and Nefertiti’s short reign were destroyed. What little remains from clay tablets and tomb paintings and inscriptions are like jig saw puzzle pieces that give us tantalizing hints of parts of the whole picture. The archeologist Barry Kemp of Cambridge University wrote that so little is known about what actually happened during the reign of Akhenaten that "the minute you begin to write about those people you begin to write fiction."1
There have been many works of fiction about Akhenaten, including two by Nobel Prize winners: Akhenaten Dweller in Truth by Egyptian novelist Naguib Mahfouz and Joseph and his Brothers by Thomas Mann. Mahfouz presents conflicting accounts of what happened through fictional interviews with the key players, each offering their viewpoint. While incorporating a lot of historical information to present plausible events and motives, it leaves the reader wondering who was telling the truth and what really happened. Mann presents the theory that Akhenaten was the Pharaoh whose dreams Joseph, son of Jacob interpreted. This is more fact than fiction, as the Archeologist Robert Feather found evidence that indicates that Akhenaten’s father Amenhotep III was that pharaoh and that Joseph, under the Egyptian name, Nakhtpaaten, became Akhenaten’s vizier.2
This novel presents the viewpoints of the key players including Joseph, and their roles in shaping the religious revolution of Akhenaten. It attempts to put all the pieces together into a whole picture that can be understood and appreciated for its historical significance and its message for modern times. I have used real images of 18th dynasty sculptures and paintings as well as modern artists’ renderings of the key persons and places of this drama. And at certain places in the dialog, I have used the actual recorded words of Akhenaten and others in italics. When you read them, you will see how well they fit into the plot of the story.
The final chapter on Akhenaten’s legacy presents what may seem a surprising conclusion, but when you think about it in the light of biblical and historical texts cited, it makes perfect sense and offers some jigsaw pieces to what some consider another puzzle of history: the origins of Christianity.
EXCERPT:
Amenhotep had mixed feelings about the revelation that he would be sent to On to become a high priest of Ra-Horakhti. As much as he detested the priesthood, he respected the priests of On because they worshipped the original sun god, Aten, who was the chief god of the Old Kingdom before all the minor gods of the New Kingdom began crowding heaven. And he was glad that the purpose of his becoming a high priest was to regain control from the priests of Amen-Ra. But he was sad that he would have to leave his beloved Nefertiti for two years.
After eating, Amenhotep got up to find her. He found her in the next room talking with his sister Nebetah.
“Pardon me, Nebetah,” he said, “but I must speak with Nefertiti in private.”
“No doubt to flatter her and pledge your eternal devotion,” said Nebetah wryly. “Would that I could find such a devoted lover. Very well, I will leave you two love birds alone.”
Nefertiti raised her hand in parting and smiled at Nebetah. Then, turning to Amenhotep, she asked, “What is it you wish to speak about?”
“Come,” said Amenhotep, motioning with his hand, “Let’s stroll through the garden.”
The royal palace garden was filled with many exotic flowers and ponds stocked with fish and water lilies. Amenhotep bent down to pluck one of the water lilies and gave it to Nefertiti.
“The fairest flower of the plant kingdom for the fairest flower of the human kingdom.”
Nefertiti took the lily and laughed, “Nebetah was right; you do want to flatter me.”
“It’s not flattery,” protested Amenhotep. “It’s the truth; there is no woman more beautiful than you. But, in any case, I have a more serious matter to discuss.”
Nefertiti lifted an eyebrow. “Oh, what is that?”
“I overheard my father saying that I will go to the sun temple of On to become a high priest of Ra-Horakhti. We will be apart for two years.” Amenhotep stopped and turned to her. “I don’t want to leave you.”
“But it’s such an opportunity,” said Nefertiti wide-eyed. “Just think, the sun temple of On has the greatest library in the world. And you would learn the sacred mysteries of the Healers.”
“What is wisdom without love?” protested Amenhotep. “Our society puts too much emphasis on learning and doing, and too little on feeling.”
“But without learning and doing, you cannot hope to change society,” countered Nefertiti.
Amenhotep smiled, “As always, your logic is infallible.”
“More flattery?”
“Again, it’s the truth; you are not only the most beautiful woman in the world but the most intelligent.” He put his arms around her and sighed. “Oh, I will miss you so.”
Nefertiti replied cheerfully, “I know you; you will be so absorbed in study that the time will pass swiftly, and before you know it, it will be time to return to Thebes. But lest you forget me, I will send you letters and sweetmeats.”
“How could I ever forget you?” asked Amenhotep, gazing into her eyes. “I would sooner forget to breathe than forget you.”
They kissed, and in that kiss, they renewed their pledge to be eternally faithful to each other. Then they continued walking in silence, for nothing more needed to be said.
