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  1. #1
    MacAllister's Official Minion & Greeter AW Moderator Ari Meermans's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Not where you last saw me.



    Now offering for the first time and on a limited distribution basis, an unauthorized true history of the planet Earth and its environs, which will explain the origin of humankind and the challenges faced in establishing a thriving new species.

    BOOK TITLE: LESSONS LEARNED UPON CREATING A NEW SPECIES: Or, Why You Shouldn’t Embark on New Species Development While Drunk

    AUTHOR: Ari Meermans*

    Even the Best-Laid Plans Sometimes Go Awry

    April 2014 (by your reckoning)

    Sometime around 5,725 BYOB**, three experimental species developers, who were mildly interested in a small wobbly galaxy, attended the retirement party of one of the head honchos of The Intergalactic Corporation for Seeding and Enhancements. As you might expect with celebrations of this kind—a retirement party on Isigorr can last for many days encompassing the trial, the sentencing, and the execution of the retiree—intemperate drinking led to less-than-deep thinking and irresponsible wagering on outcomes. Consequently, the trio presented their “big idea” to a group of similarly impaired Corporation executives who approved the mission on the spot. A planet already awash in existing species of promise was selected for the endeavor. The planet Earth. The planet you call home.

    Lessons Learned Upon Creating A New Species begins by taking you on a journey of discovery as viewed through the eyes of the three intrepid species developers Lekt Huiett, Biezer Contralis, and Porta Kann as they seek to fulfill their mission to develop a sentient servant species using only their imaginations; the raw materials to be found flying, slithering, or simply lying about; and a craftily smuggled supply of the “foul blue brew” that got them into this mess in the first place.

    The volume is presented in two parts:

    In Part One: The Expedition, we join the resolute landing party (Lekt, Biezer, and Porta) of the IGSE ship Waffitgahlüs in their search for a species with enough intelligence to develop, and share their hair-raising adventures as they encounter unfamiliar and often hostile or otherwise uncooperative lifeforms. Advancing mission objectives or accepting early retirement their only options, Lekt, Biezer, and Porta valiantly persevere.

    Part Two—The Ongoing Mission (more colloquially known as “I’m never drinking that foul blue brew again”) recounts many of our field studies with regard to assessing development progress, and the difficulties in monitoring an intractable and undisciplined young species. For, as you must already realize, extensive monitoring and reporting are required after so large an investment by The Corporation. And even though no one with any sense volunteered—which was everyone, if you must know—Recorders were selected, sedated on the sly, and shipped here. With nothing better to do and no blue brew to do it with anyway, we watch.

    Lessons Learned Upon Creating A New Species may be purchased at all IGSE Corporation bookstores in the nine settled galaxies.

    For more information on LESSONS LEARNED UPON CREATING A NEW SPECIES: Or, Why You Shouldn’t Embark on New Species Development While Drunk, please see bluebrewconsequences.IGSEcorp.

    *A pseudonym, of course.
    **BYOB – Before Your Obstreperous Beginnings
    Last edited by Ari Meermans; 06-20-2018 at 03:17 AM. Reason: Fix link
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