Anxiety

Papaya · Apr 5, 2014

Don't knock it until you've tried it. I have a medical marijuana prescription and am very grateful the plant is finally being acknowledged for all the medicinal properties it has. It's already available by prescription in half the states, legal in two states, and decriminalized in DC. I rely on it for cramps and sleep (sometimes anxiety too), and it does a lot less damage to my body than conventional prescription drugs would. That is, if I could even handle prescription drugs, which I can't.

As for valerian root, it does not drug you like a zombie. If you take enough valium, then you might feel like that, although I always found if I was panicking these substances actually brought me back to normal, and oftentimes gave me energy. Rescue Remedy is a homeopathic remedy derived from flower essences. It was developed back in the 1930s to treat shock, anxiety, insomnia etc. It has a very subtle calming sensation compared to valerian root - a lot people don’t even feel it.

If I were in your shoes, I would actually want to take something like valerian before a writing session, because at least that would give me a better shot at not panicking. :Shrug:

Hyperminimalism · Apr 5, 2014

At this point, I don't want to be on anything if I don't have to be. I can function during my day and do what is necessary of me, and I have an intense dislike of putting anything in my body I don't need to function. I've had quite a lot of issues with both prescription and "herbal" medications not doing anything at all or making things even worse, so you can probably imagine how frustrated I am. I just want to be clear-headed and alert--that's it.

Papaya · Apr 5, 2014

That's completely understandable. I had the same issue with prescription pain meds - they are just awful for me. And as I already said, I refused to even take antidepressants. I'm way too sensitive to chemical substances. But I would be lost without the calming herbs, so I really feel for you if your body can't even handle that.

I'm still going to encourage you to try Rescue Remedy, which is so mild, you can give it to infants. I’ve handed it out many times at the office when tensions are running high, and it’s made a huge difference in those moments. It’s too bad I can’t just offer you a pastille to try, as I did on those occasions. The one time I still get panic or bad anxiety attacks is when I’m on my period. I get such bad cramps that my body often goes haywire. Rescue Remedy Pastilles are strong enough to help me stay balanced, while being mild enough that I can take them one after another if I need to - I let them dissolve in my mouth rather than chew them.

c.m.n. · Apr 5, 2014

What I found is that marijuana makes some people more paranoid and anxious. It did for me. I had to drop all drugs/alcohol and it helped my anxiety quite a bit.

Please don't beat yourself up if you're unable to write. Like a previous poster said, maybe you need to explore another creative outlet like painting, drawing, knitting, sewing, whatever. Beating yourself up is only going to make it worse. You'll only associate writing with anxiety even more.

Have you thought about reading some self-help books? Such as CBT or DBT books? I know meditation was already mentioned, but sometimes learning mindfulness and meditation can be quite hard while in a panicky state. Could you give it another chance? Try to do a quick 3-5 minute meditation session once a day (at the computer or not). You can even find guided meditation videos on Youtube.

I don't know if you've said this before, but do you get anxious writing long hand?

Hyperminimalism · Apr 5, 2014

c.m.n. said:
What I found is that marijuana makes some people more paranoid and anxious. It did for me. I had to drop all drugs/alcohol and it helped my anxiety quite a bit.

Please don't beat yourself up if you're unable to write. Like a previous poster said, maybe you need to explore another creative outlet like painting, drawing, knitting, sewing, whatever. Beating yourself up is only going to make it worse. You'll only associate writing with anxiety even more.

Have you thought about reading some self-help books? Such as CBT or DBT books? I know meditation was already mentioned, but sometimes learning mindfulness and meditation can be quite hard while in a panicky state. Could you give it another chance? Try to do a quick 3-5 minute meditation session once a day (at the computer or not). You can even find guided meditation videos on Youtube.

I don't know if you've said this before, but do you get anxious writing long hand?

Yeah, I've done and still do all those other creative things when the mood strikes. I had to sort of calm myself with breathing techniques at work today because I was going to snap, and that helped a bit. Then again, just being on my own on the floor (I work retail) helped me to calm down quite a bit as well. It was getting too stressful up at registers.

And yes, I do have those "self help" books, which I do read through, but it's hard to do it on your own when you're lost in your own head.

dondomat · Apr 6, 2014

Back to books: I heartily recommend Strangers by Dean Koontz and Thieving Fear by Ramsey Campbell as examples of taking panic attacks and night fears and the feeling that your mind isn't working too well, and turning it into stunning adventure fiction.

Maybe you should try that--going the road of least resistance, as it were--when writing. Short story about protagonist being tired of following conventional wisdom to deal with panic attacks, trying to make journal of possible triggers, realizing after a month that only very specific situations trigger it, all with a common theme, and now is on verge of discovering something phantasmagoric, etc...

atthebeach · Apr 6, 2014

Thanks for sharing your struggles here. After reading all the posts, I think you have a good assortment of options to help you get writing.

But, it also appears you still feel none of them could work.

So, I just wanted to say, don't give up. Really. If you cannot get the writing going right now, and need to focus on relaxing and finding what will work to calm the anxiety, then give yourself permission to do that. Keep asking for others' ideas on how to overcome this situation, keep searching here for other ideas posted, and at some point, it will hit you- THAT is the idea you need.

Wish I knew what the "THAT" for you will be, but sending wishes/prayers/nice thoughts your way as you wait to find it.

Just don't think you are not a writer because you are in limbo at the moment. You are a writer, and setting up the atmosphere, mood, tools, and time are all part of the process. You are finding yours, and sometimes our processes change.

I think others have suggested trying to find out why it makes you that way (how you outlined by number 1,2,3....), but I know others have been there and gotten through it, and you can too.

Take care and have hope- glad you shared here!

MakanJuu · Apr 6, 2014

I don't know how I missed this thread for a good week (Ok, when I started that sentence, I thought this thread was longer than that, but it's easier just to go with it than redo it since that will just activate an OCD thought cycle which I won't bother with the details of) But, I have what's referred to as Pure Obsessive OCD & deal rather heavily with panic attacks (far less now than a couple of years ago, at least.)

I have to say, though, I've never had chest pains, though. Pretty much, the pain I have is reserved towards extremities going numb for too long, muscles being too stiff for too long & headaches which cause me to attack caffeinated beverages like a dying zombie (which makes me extra glad I'm not an alcoholic or drug addict) But, I've experienced enough to get where you're coming from on your front.

I honestly can't even get a legitimate job any more for several reasons that I can honestly only guess at. All I know is I've been fired twice from the only two jobs I've ever had, new jobs call old ones & managers flee from me like villagers from a dragon, whether I try or not. I've gone through a bit of anxiety on that front, which I will not go into excessive detail with, given I'm well aware that that can be, in some situations, like throwing gasoline on a fire.

And, I get the problems with the writing. It's rarely ever been easy for me, but in the last few months, no matter how badly I want to, opening a new word file with the intent of writing for whatever reason somehow makes me feel like I've just accidentally beat someone to death, if I even make it that far, and I suddenly find that I don't know what I'm doing or why, what I want & where I was going & I manage not to have an attack, or some sort of nervous breakdown if I'm lucky. I feel perfectly fine with the thought of it if there's a convenient excuse not to nearby, but otherwise, it basically just turns into a desperate attempt to take a shortcut down a dark alley, failing to do so, and then deeply regretting it all the way home.

I'm working on this as well, but I guess the only thing I can offer to help is to try to identify the reason why this is bothering you so much and either recondition yourself against it, or find an opposing reason that can beat it in a fight. I know it's difficult to even figure it straight when you're in stress mode, so I wouldn't even try to keep going for it in an attempt to find something to self analyze. You need to find something that will help you forget it all and relax to the point where you can think straight enough to worm it out of your subconscious.

Things usually hit me best if I take a walk after a good movie, but everyone's different.

PS- The meditation rarely works for me as well. At some point, my subconscious screams out that something somehow is wrong and I lose it and can't get it back because my stress defense went up. They also put me on medication- Paxil- but, I'm finding that that isn't removing the problem, only blocking the stress/ anxiety reflex & unless I force myself to be unnaturally punch-drunk or happy-go-lucky, I seem to build some sort of a resistance to it's effects & I've already had to trade up dosage once.

c.m.n. · Apr 6, 2014

Makan, I totally hear you on the occasion pure obsessing. I have it, too, and it's a struggle.

Hyper, you mention that you RP. Do you rp original characters or from a prewritten world? Do you write fanfic or considered it? I ask because sometimes it helps to step into someone else's world for awhile since characters and world are usually already defined.

Hyperminimalism · Apr 6, 2014

atthebeach said:
Thanks for sharing your struggles here. After reading all the posts, I think you have a good assortment of options to help you get writing.

But, it also appears you still feel none of them could work.

It's not so much that I feel none of them could work, but rather I've tried quite a few of them many times in the past before and they have not worked.

So, I just wanted to say, don't give up. Really. If you cannot get the writing going right now, and need to focus on relaxing and finding what will work to calm the anxiety, then give yourself permission to do that. Keep asking for others' ideas on how to overcome this situation, keep searching here for other ideas posted, and at some point, it will hit you- THAT is the idea you need.

Thank you! I haven't technically given up just yet. In fact, last night, I forced myself to write a scene between my MC and his work partner, and although it was only dialogue, I think I have a full scene of speech. That's something, right?

MakanJuu said:
I'm working on this as well, but I guess the only thing I can offer to help is to try to identify the reason why this is bothering you so much and either recondition yourself against it, or find an opposing reason that can beat it in a fight. I know it's difficult to even figure it straight when you're in stress mode, so I wouldn't even try to keep going for it in an attempt to find something to self analyze. You need to find something that will help you forget it all and relax to the point where you can think straight enough to worm it out of your subconscious.

After talking about this with multiple people, I think I'm pinning down the reason why I'm responding like this and how I'm responding.

c.m.n. said:
Makan, I totally hear you on the occasion pure obsessing. I have it, too, and it's a struggle.

To be honest, I really think I have a mild form of OCD. Although sometimes I'm just not sure. *shrug*

Hyper, you mention that you RP. Do you rp original characters or from a prewritten world? Do you write fanfic or considered it? I ask because sometimes it helps to step into someone else's world for awhile since characters and world are usually already defined.

I RP original now, so the worlds and characters--for the most part--are purely made up. I have written fanfic, but it just doesn't appeal to me anymore. I really don't think I'd want to RP anything from a preexisting world because I've done that so much in the past that I'm tired of it.

However, working with someone who prompts me is the only thing that seems to work. It's why I made a thread looking for a co-author/collaborator/writing partner.

atthebeach · Apr 6, 2014

Hyperminimalism said:
Thank you! I haven't technically given up just yet. In fact, last night, I forced myself to write a scene between my MC and his work partner, and although it was only dialogue, I think I have a full scene of speech.

Great- definitely that is something!

Hyperminimalism · Apr 6, 2014

atthebeach said:
Great- definitely that is something!

Thing is, now I just have to figure out what I'm going to do with it. xD

vivalalauren · Apr 8, 2014

just wanted to chime in with everyone else and say that I've been there. It sounds like you're making amazing strides though, and that's great. My depression (and the corresponding meds, for a while there) kept me from writing for around 18 months. It was awful.

As for anxiety, I've had when struggling to write about triggering issues. Sometimes I've powered through, and sometimes I've had to shelf the manuscript/subplot completely. My feeling is, if you're not getting any joy from the creative process, and if it's in fact stressing you out further, something needs to change. Just try not to beat yourself up, there's not a set time to get a handle on this kind of thing.

Hyperminimalism · Apr 8, 2014

vivalalauren said:
just wanted to chime in with everyone else and say that I've been there. It sounds like you're making amazing strides though, and that's great. My depression (and the corresponding meds, for a while there) kept me from writing for around 18 months. It was awful.

As for anxiety, I've had when struggling to write about triggering issues. Sometimes I've powered through, and sometimes I've had to shelf the manuscript/subplot completely. My feeling is, if you're not getting any joy from the creative process, and if it's in fact stressing you out further, something needs to change. Just try not to beat yourself up, there's not a set time to get a handle on this kind of thing.

Yeah, true. One time I tried to write this oneshot from a story a guy told us in our cognitive behavioral therapy group. It was about this hallucination he had when he was getting on an airplane (one of his many fears). It's one of my fears, too, so when I researched some stuff about planes (I haven't been on one for over eleven or twelve years), I was thrown into a full blown panic attack even though I really wanted to write it.

I want so badly to finish this story I've been working on, but everything about it feels wrong and I'm honestly not enjoying it. There was a time when I used to, but forcing myself to do this alone--or just forcing myself in general--has been very painful for me despite how much I'd love to write.

c.m.n. · Apr 8, 2014

I noticed your request in the beta readers forum. Have you had any success finding anyone?

Speaking of writing about fears, I can write about most of mine. Airplanes, elevators, heights, etc. no problem. The one thing I can't write about are characters with anxiety themselves. A few years ago I wrote a story about a character with panic and depression, and just the thought threw me into a relapse. *shrugs*

Hyperminimalism · Apr 8, 2014

c.m.n. said:
I noticed your request in the beta readers forum. Have you had any success finding anyone?

Speaking of writing about fears, I can write about most of mine. Airplanes, elevators, heights, etc. no problem. The one thing I can't write about are characters with anxiety themselves. A few years ago I wrote a story about a character with panic and depression, and just the thought threw me into a relapse. *shrugs*

No luck so far that's actually working out, but I haven't given up yet. It is a bit much to request. I mean, who has that much time on their hands now a days? Other than me, obviously. xD

akiwiguy · Apr 8, 2014

Hyperminimalism said:
Yeah, true. One time I tried to write this oneshot from a story a guy told us in our cognitive behavioral therapy group. It was about this hallucination he had when he was getting on an airplane (one of his many fears). It's one of my fears, too, so when I researched some stuff about planes (I haven't been on one for over eleven or twelve years), I was thrown into a full blown panic attack even though I really wanted to write it.

I want so badly to finish this story I've been working on, but everything about it feels wrong and I'm honestly not enjoying it. There was a time when I used to, but forcing myself to do this alone--or just forcing myself in general--has been very painful for me despite how much I'd love to write.

The good news is that this can heal if one finds the right "cure"...every case is so different I guess.

I stopped having frightening panic attacks in certain situations, after being given a strategy by a cognitive psychologist...but it was some time before I had to fly again (and despite no fear of flying, I had sometimes had inexplicable panic attacks on flights, almost a feeling of claustrophobia). But as it happens I have since flown a lot, sometimes long-haul, and I really enjoy it. In fact, just going to an airport to pick someone up makes me get a kind of "rush", that I simply want to get on a plane and go somewhere.

Just saying, don't ever give up hope...it's like finding the "key" that works for you as an individual. If that makes sense.

Hyperminimalism · Apr 8, 2014

akiwiguy said:
The good news is that this can heal if one finds the right "cure"...every case is so different I guess.

I stopped having frightening panic attacks in certain situations, after being given a strategy by a cognitive psychologist...but it was some time before I had to fly again (and despite no fear of flying, I had sometimes had inexplicable panic attacks on flights, almost a feeling of claustrophobia). But as it happens I have since flown a lot, sometimes long-haul, and I really enjoy it. In fact, just going to an airport to pick someone up makes me get a kind of "rush", that I simply want to get on a plane and go somewhere.

Just saying, don't ever give up hope...it's like finding the "key" that works for you as an individual. If that makes sense.

I'm trying not to give up. Kind of difficult when all you do fails and you keep running into that figurative brick wall.

Anxiety

Papaya

Unfold your own myth. - Rumi

Hyperminimalism

I'm a Bolerian

Papaya

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c.m.n.

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Hyperminimalism

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dondomat

atthebeach

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MakanJuu

c.m.n.

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Hyperminimalism

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atthebeach

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Hyperminimalism

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vivalalauren

Hyperminimalism

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c.m.n.

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Hyperminimalism

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akiwiguy

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Hyperminimalism

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