I Didn't Realize that was Offensive

NateSean · Feb 25, 2014

Growing up, there quite a few terms and phrases that got thrown around in the general public. However, once or twice, I would use a word and not realize what it really meant.

Shag meant sex for example.

Bloody was a swear word that I threw around liberally in high school. I knew it was a swear word but because I'm American, I got a kick out of using foreign (to me and my teachers) curse words with a smile on my face. The only person I ever really offended was another girl in my class who "claimed Irish heritage", and used that as an excuse to be offended.

I didn't realize the magnitude of how offensive it was until I read several comments on how Ron Weasly used "Bloody Hell" in the first Harry Potter movie.

Another word I learned not to use too often was "Cop", as it was said to be a derogatory or offensive term to police officers. Even though I've heard plenty of officers using the term, I've also heard from many sources that it can be offensive.

Are there words or phrases you find offensive that others might not think twice about? Have you had experiences with this? Even physical gestures that mean different things in different cultures could be interesting.

PS: I know I can Google and Wiki all of these things myself, but personal experiences often provides more information than a random website.

mirandashell · Feb 25, 2014

This all depends on where you're from and what upbringing you've had.
For instance, I was surprised to read that 'bloody hell' is offensive cos I'm English and as far as I know it's a very mild swear.

And where is 'cop' offensive?

Shadow_Ferret · Feb 25, 2014

Cop is just slang. Short for copper, which came about because their uniforms used to have large copper buttons. But that's been around for almost a century. I doubt anyone thinks its offensive nowadays. I have several friends in law enforcement and I've said, "So you think I should have called the cops in that situation?" And it doesn't phase them.

Pig, on the other hand...

And as far as bloody, I don't see that being offensive either.

ironmikezero · Feb 25, 2014

Offense is in the ear of the beholder. One must choose to feel offended; no doubt suitably influenced by relative cultural aspects and peer pressures.

Cop hasn't been considered offensive for generations. Even its origins are subject to debate (e.g.: constable on patrol, chief of police, etc...).

veinglory · Feb 25, 2014

Some police take "cop" as a derogatory, others don't.

Hoplite · Feb 25, 2014

I grew up in Saudi Arabia. Here's a list of a few innocuous things Westerners might do that would be offensive:

1. Eating all the food on your plate (i.e. "cleaning your plate") is offensive: it sends the message that the host didn't prepare enough food.

2. Asking a man how is his wife/daughter/sister. Men are supposed to be caretakers of the family and protect the women. It's like asking "what kind and how expensive is your jewelry?".

3. Refusing refreshments prior to a business engagement, when encountering Bedouins, being hosted, etc. No matter how nasty it may look, just eat/drink it. True story: my wife's parents were stationed in Kuwait for 2 years and went with other Americans into the desert. They came across a small Bedouin camp that welcomed them in (BIG honor). A child offered a cup of 'fresh camel's milk' to my mother in-law; it was so fresh it was warm and had some hairs floating in it. She drank it, thankfully.

4. Shying away when someone goes to kiss you on the cheek. Lots of cultures do this (e.g. France).

5. Refusing to hold hands with another man. Less common I think due to Western influence spilling over, but remains a part of the tradition especially for older generations.

wendymarlowe · Feb 25, 2014

I think I discover these more when they go the other way - when I stumble across something I wouldn't have thought was more than mildly rude, and someone else takes greater offense.

- spaz (pretty mild word for acting wild, in the US, but a slur against the disabled in the UK)

- transgendered (should be "transgender," present tense, since it's part of a transperson's ongoing identity and not some event which happened in the past)

- witch, when used in a pejorative sense, is offensive to some who practice Wicca

Then there are a whole host of slurs against people of specific ethnicities which you won't necessarily ever hear unless you're in contact with that community. ("Wog," "Paki," and "coon" being three examples I didn't learn until adulthood). Most of these aren't something you'd accidentally use yourself, though. (Well, sometimes in an ambiguous context, like assuming "coon" for "raccoon" in a way which might insinuate more than you intended.)

afarnam · Feb 25, 2014

I grew up with the word "gypped". I didn't know it was a racial slur even as an adult and I was not very uneducated. I was working as a journalist in Europe, writing primarily about discrimination against Romani (Gypsy) communities for a couple of years. Then, I went home to the States for a visit, got all comfortable with the local dialect and used that word. My brother had to inform me. How embarrassing!

Siri Kirpal · Feb 25, 2014

Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

True story: One British man in America politely asked a woman if he could "knock her up," meaning (in British) could he visit her, whereas (in American) it means "can I get you pregnant."

Another true story: After my Dad helped out a Chinese friend she said, "Chuck, you a real wise guy." Not knowing that "wise guy" in American English means "smart-ass." Dad was amused, fortunately.

Belching at table is considered offensive in Western culture, but since my Dad was Lebanese, we were raised that it was polite, and honored the cook's cooking.

"Spook" can be offensive to African-Americans, and as Wendy pointed out, so can "coon."

Don't say "The cavalry came over the hill" to Native Americans.

I'll probably think of more, but that's it for now.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

Myrealana · Feb 25, 2014

OMG -- This is actually the opposite -- something I thought would be inherently offensive, and yet no one seemed to notice.

At my son's Blue and Gold dinner for Cub Scouts last week, they had a man in Native American garb tell the story of the beginning of Scouts, and the tie-ins with Native American traditions in the US.

At the beginning of his presentation, he made it clear that he was NOT a Native American, and was wearing the clothing and headgear to represent them but NOT the paint that has religious sigificance. Though, I noticed his clothing was based on pueblo styles and his headgear was a steriotypical Lakota Warbonnet.

And then he goes on to say "I'm a full blooded Italian, so I like to say I'm A-wop-aho."

So much offense in one package, but I seemed to be the only one in the room to feel that way.

I mean, I would hope my 11-year-old son wouldn't even HEAR the term "Wop" - let alone have a role model use it in front of him. And let's not get started on the "Noble savage" thing...

melindamusil · Feb 25, 2014

After college, I lived in west Africa for a time, but on an international "base" full of expats (so I lived and worked with people from all over the world). One time, I used the word "bummer" as an expression of mild frustration (as in, "Oh, bummer, I left my wallet behind"). I was immediately told by my colleagues from Great Britain and New Zealand that, in those nations, "bummer" is a derogatory term for someone's posterior.

Also, I was told that, in those nations, to give someone a "thumbs up" does not mean "good job", but is equivalent to saying, ahem, "up your posterior" (but with slightly more graphic terms).

Mr Flibble · Feb 25, 2014

mirandashell said:
For instance, I was surprised to read that 'bloody hell' is offensive cos I'm English and as far as I know it's a very mild swear.

I'm doubly surprised that someone claiming Irish heritage took offence, considering the Irish I know and their tendency to use much worse words as mere punctuation (and a habit of addressing their dearest friends as "Hello you old cunt, how are you?")

Bloody is regularly used before the watershed for instance, and afaia is one of the mildest "swears" out there, so weak it barely even qualifies. Bugger is only slightly less so -- even Jack Sparrow used it in POTC and that's a twelve rated film....

kuwisdelu · Feb 25, 2014

Siri Kirpal said:
Don't say "The cavalry came over the hill" to Native Americans.

Is that something people actually say? Never even heard the expression.

Myrealana said:
And then he goes on to say "I'm a full blooded Italian, so I like to say I'm A-wop-aho."

Wow. Just wow.

mirandashell · Feb 25, 2014

Mr Flibble said:
I'm doubly surprised that someone claiming Irish heritage took offence, considering the Irish I know and their tendency to use much worse words as mere punctuation (and a habit of addressing their dearest friends as "Hello you old cunt, how are you?")

In my experience of being part Irish, they swear like they breathe. So yeah.... slightly surprised!

mirandashell · Feb 25, 2014

melindamusil said:
After college, I lived in west Africa for a time, but on an international "base" full of expats (so I lived and worked with people from all over the world). One time, I used the word "bummer" as an expression of mild frustration (as in, "Oh, bummer, I left my wallet behind"). I was immediately told by my colleagues from Great Britain and New Zealand that, in those nations, "bummer" is a derogatory term for someone's posterior.

Also, I was told that, in those nations, to give someone a "thumbs up" does not mean "good job", but is equivalent to saying, ahem, "up your posterior" (but with slightly more graphic terms).

And whoever told you that was messing with your head. LOL! How long ago was this? 'Bummer' in Britian is a derogatory word for a gay man. A thumps up is a good thing. Means 'ok'. Of course, it may be different in NZ.

Xelebes · Feb 25, 2014

Mr Flibble said:
I'm doubly surprised that someone claiming Irish heritage took offence, considering the Irish I know and their tendency to use much worse words as mere punctuation (and a habit of addressing their dearest friends as "Hello you old cunt, how are you?")

Bloody is regularly used before the watershed for instance, and afaia is one of the mildest "swears" out there, so weak it barely even qualifies. Bugger is only slightly less so -- even Jack Sparrow used it in POTC and that's a twelve rated film....

"Bloody" has a personal wince power for me, especially in the phrase "bloody ninny." But that is personal. Most here would have never heard that phrase be used or if they heard it, it was from a Brit.

Shadow_Ferret · Feb 25, 2014

Myrealana said:
OMG --

And then he goes on to say "I'm a full blooded Italian, so I like to say I'm A-wop-aho."

So much offense in one package, but I seemed to be the only one in the room to feel that way.

I mean, I would hope my 11-year-old son wouldn't even HEAR the term "Wop" - let alone have a role model use it in front of him. And let's not get started on the "Noble savage" thing...

See, I guess some one who IS of a certain ethnicity using an ethnic slur has never bothered me. Its their slur, they can take ownership of it.

I'm a little on the fence over his using it in front of a bunch of children, however, without a disclaimer to not use those words ever.

Albedo · Feb 25, 2014

The term paddy wagon for a police lock up van. I only found out recently that it's thought to have originated as a slur for the Irish. I'd always thought it was a contraction for 'padlocked wagon'.

Cath · Feb 25, 2014

What's the purpose of this discussion? I'm okay with it as long as it's purposeful, but it's not clear from the original post.

Karen Junker · Feb 25, 2014

I used to make jokes about Germans because I believed that my family was German. Then one day someone explained to me that a slur of any kind, *even if I am a member of that group* is still a slur and is perpetuating bigotry. I stopped with the German jokes.

King Neptune · Feb 25, 2014

Albedo said:
The term paddy wagon for a police lock up van. I only found out recently that it's thought to have originated as a slur for the Irish. I'd always thought it was a contraction for 'padlocked wagon'.

It was originally from people turning PD for police department (which was sometimes painted on the side of such a wagon) into a word, but some Irish took offense.

akiwiguy · Feb 25, 2014

melindamusil said:
After college, I lived in west Africa for a time, but on an international "base" full of expats (so I lived and worked with people from all over the world). One time, I used the word "bummer" as an expression of mild frustration (as in, "Oh, bummer, I left my wallet behind"). I was immediately told by my colleagues from Great Britain and New Zealand that, in those nations, "bummer" is a derogatory term for someone's posterior.

Also, I was told that, in those nations, to give someone a "thumbs up" does not mean "good job", but is equivalent to saying, ahem, "up your posterior" (but with slightly more graphic terms).

Not sure what your colleagues were on about. Here in NZ, "bummer" is simply a commonly used term meaning something like "unfortunate", as in "You pranged your car? What a bummer!"

And a thumbs up would tend to mean "Well done!"

mirandashell · Feb 25, 2014

I always thought 'bummer' to mean unfortunate was American.

King Neptune · Feb 25, 2014

Hoplite said:
2. Asking a man how is his wife/daughter/sister. Men are supposed to be caretakers of the family and protect the women. It's like asking "what kind and how expensive is your jewelry?".

That's one that I love. One of the implications can be that you are interested in the woman about whom you are asking, so asking about his wife is not a good idea.

mirandashell · Feb 25, 2014

Can you ask 'how are the family?' Does that carry the same implication? And what if a woman asks the man 'how is your wife?'

I Didn't Realize that was Offensive

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