Dads: What do you say to daughter's date?

My husband doesn't plan to say anything, he says he'll just be cleaning his guns when the kid shows up.
Which, where I live, is the most common answer one would probably hear. Whether in jest or not.

Nothing holds a candle to what my mother did to my prom date. She invited him to our branding.

Then she made him hold the ball bucket while she castrated all the bull calves.
Mom was never good with subtle.

I like Bill Engvall's response, myself:

"That's my only little girl and she's my world. So if you are thinking of touching, kissing, or hugging my world, just remember this. I have no problem going back to prison."

Would a conservative, protective Dad even let his teenage daughter out on a date in the evening?

Love all the answers above, but had to ask.

With ultra-protective Dad, there is the possibility of the daughter saying she is going out with a group of respectable female friends, they all meet at her house and head out and then there is meeting boyfriend somewhere else.

In my experience, those kinds of dads who would 'clean their guns' wouldn't even let their daughter date until she was eighteen, yeah.

On a related note, I find the practice of threatening the male date of the girl positively eyeroll-worthy and insulting at worst. (Gender roles, sexism, etc, etc... feel free to ignore me)

Rina Evans said:

In my experience, those kinds of dads who would 'clean their guns' wouldn't even let their daughter date until she was eighteen, yeah.

On a related note, I find the practice of threatening the male date of the girl positively eyeroll-worthy and insulting at worst. (Gender roles, sexism, etc, etc... feel free to ignore me)

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One of the fun thing about the "gun cleaning" dad trope, Rina, is that the trope can be ennjoyable *and* eyeroll-worthy plus insulting. All at the same time.

Wicked said:

My husband doesn't plan to say anything, he says he'll just be cleaning his guns when the kid shows up.
Which, where I live, is the most common answer one would probably hear. Whether in jest or not.

Nothing holds a candle to what my mother did to my prom date. She invited him to our branding.

Then she made him hold the ball bucket while she castrated all the bull calves.
Mom was never good with subtle.

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I wasn't allowed to even talk to boys on the phone until I was in college. (I went to an all-girls HS.) So my experience is more in line with those saying that over-protective parents wouldn't even let their daughters date. My dad would also sometimes tail me when I went out with my female friends, just to make sure I wasn't going out to meet with some boy.

Putputt said:

I wasn't allowed to even talk to boys on the phone until I was in college. (I went to an all-girls HS.)

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The first time a boy called me at my home was when I was 16. My mother listened in on the other phone. Overprotective parents + Asian culture + Muslim country = what can I say? I never even went on a date until I went off to college in the States.

If I had to speak to a daughter's date, I'd probably do an impression of Saruman in the first LotR movie, when he gives the Uruk-hai instructions on finding the hobbits.

"Bring her back to me alive and... unspoiled."

I have no idea how my husband will actually be when our daughter is old enough to date. He is very conservative when it comes to her and very protective. He says he'll be "cleaning his gun." I think he may really do that, but I'm not sure yet whether it will be somewhat in jest or really and truly in a threatening manner.

I do know that he believe that 16, the age I was allowed to date (even though no one ever wanted to date me) is too young, and if he has his way, well, DD will never date.

It will be interesting, for sure. Hopefully, I've cultivated a relationship with DD that will keep her open and truthful, at least with me.

There is one wild card - her bio-mom. I don't know what she will be like at all, though I think she'll be less conservative than my husband. He may be out numbered.

The bonus for DD is, if my husband doesn't let her date and her mother does, she just won't visit us.

Sorry for the ramble. This probably didn't really answer anything, did it?

Rina Evans said:

On a related note, I find the practice of threatening the male date of the girl positively eyeroll-worthy and insulting at worst. (Gender roles, sexism, etc, etc... feel free to ignore me)

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This. I hate this practice and the idea that it's supposed to be funny, appropriate or to be expected. It's archaic and sexist and I told my father so when he said he was going to mention his lengthy Army career and the fact that we have guns in the house to any boys I brought home. Dad said that had never occurred to him. I didn't really date in high school, but he never mentioned anything like that again. I'm always grateful that my father doesn't just love me but also respects me.

(When I did end up bringing a boyfriend (now husband) home, he did bring up the Army, but in the context of an Army vs. Marines pissing contest. Boys will be boys, I guess...)

I had a protective father. A very protective father. And he used to stand behind me when I opened the door to my date and give them the full on glare. He wouldn't say anything. He'd just glare. And I'd say 'Dad, this is <scared boyfriend>. <SB> this is my dad.' 'Hello Mr Shell'.


And my dad's answer? 'Humph'.

And if potential boyfriend asked me out on another date after that, I knew he had something about him. And that he genuinely liked me.

So yeah... I'm afraid I used my dad as a test.

Any boy I wasn't that bothered about never got to meet either of my parents. I was always 'out with my friends'.

My husband keeps telling me our daughter is just like me.

Whenever talk of her dating comes up, and he mentions 'cleaning his guns', I tell him, "So she's just like me? If she does manage to find a boy who isn't scared to death of her, do you really thing he'll be worried about you and your guns?"


I have no plans to say anything to the prospective boyfriend. My daughter and I regularly have discussions on self defense, self respect, how to say no, and when it's appropriate to crush his nuts like grapes and run. And always keeping a cell phone on you, with 911 on speed dial. And mace. Mace is good.

There's plenty of time for these strategies to sink in. She's 10. No dating till 16.

My grandfather made my aunt's high school boyfriends drive him around the block before he'd allow his daughter to ride in their cars.

My dad wasn't bad, but then again I mostly dated guys my parents already knew When my sister's prom date came to pick her up, though, my grandparents happened to be visiting and somehow she didn't hear the doorbell. Dad invited the guy in and my parents and grandparents "chatted" (things like "so what do you want to do with your life?") and offered him a cigar. Which dad didn't actually have, just wanted to test the guy.

My sister was furious when she came downstairs half an hour later and nobody had bothered to tell her that her date was there yet.

Wicked said:

And always keeping a cell phone on you

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Sorry, my best friend used to ask me to text her when she went out on a date. Little did I know WHERE she had the phone when she had her hands other places... Yeah to say more is definitely not part of a family friendly environment...

Rina Evans said:

On a related note, I find the practice of threatening the male date of the girl positively eyeroll-worthy and insulting at worst. (Gender roles, sexism, etc, etc... feel free to ignore me)

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I've seen the cliche turned on its ear before - with the mother threatening the girlfriend - but it doesn't work the same. Just doesn't offer the same ... I don't know. Just didn't work.

I don't think it's got anything to do with sexism. My dad told me it was because he once was a teenage boy and he knows how they think. And he doesn't want them thinking that about his daughter!

Gilroy Cullen said:

Sorry, my best friend used to ask me to text her when she went out on a date. Little did I know WHERE she had the phone when she had her hands other places... Yeah to say more is definitely not part of a family friendly environment...

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Having a friend keep contact is a good idea, though. If things are going in a bad direction, the friend can help get them out of there.
"I'm sorry, my friend is so upset. Her dog just died, and I need to go see her right now. No need to drop me off, I can walk." *friend is waiting in car around the corner*

Or friend can send SOS to parents, and have dad show up on the scene.

mirandashell said:

I don't think it's got anything to do with sexism. My dad told me it was because he once was a teenage boy and he knows how they think. And he doesn't want them thinking that about his daughter!

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That's exactly what it is. My husband thinks about how dirty his mind was when he was younger...and still is now ...and hates the thought of someone thinking those things about his daughter. I mean, I can't blame him when I look at it that way, but still...he needs to take a chill pill.

mirandashell said:

I don't think it's got anything to do with sexism. My dad told me it was because he once was a teenage boy and he knows how they think. And he doesn't want them thinking that about his daughter!

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Yes, it's sexist. Doubly so.

"Girls are too stupid to make intelligent decisions about the boys they date; the only way they can be safe is if I indiscriminately threaten every boy with violence."

"Without the threat of violence no boy can be trusted to keep it in his pants."

That's because you're seeing it from the daughter's point of view! LOL!

asroc said:

Yes, it's sexist. Doubly so.

"Girls are too stupid to make intelligent decisions about the boys they date; the only way they can be safe is if I indiscriminately threaten every boy with violence."

"Without the threat of violence no boy can be trusted to keep it in his pants."

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Speaking as someone who was once a teenager and is still a daughter..... please don't tell me how my father thinks. I think I would know that better than you, no?

mirandashell said:

Speaking as someone who was once a teenager and is still a daughter..... please don't tell me how my father thinks. I think I would know that better than you, no?

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I don't believe I was telling you how your father thinks.

What do you think the motivation behind this practice is? Do you think the only reason your father, or any other teenage boy, never acted inappropriately on a date is because he thought that girl's father would kill him?

I think you were because you quoted my post in your reply. And no I don't think it's the only reason but I'm sure that it's in my dad's mind. In fact I know it is. And it's not sexism. It's my father's need to protect me from the bad stuff that happens because he is my father and that's what he's supposed to do. No?

mirandashell said:

I think you were because you quoted my post in your reply. And no I don't think it's the only reason but I'm sure that it's in my dad's mind. In fact I know it is. And it's not sexism. It's my father's need to protect me from the bad stuff that happens because he is my father and that's what he's supposed to do. No?

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This.