How can you tell if a woman is a lesbian (and then ask her out)?

kuwisdelu said:

I'm afraid I'll get too old for all that nonsense before it ever works out for me.

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I had this problem handily resolved for me when I realized that I don't like anybody.

mirandashell said:

I once had a casual friend who let me know she was a lesbian by mentioning 'my ex-girlfriend once did...' So I answered with 'yeah, I once had an ex-boyfriend do that. Annoying, ain't it?'

And that was the most comfortable way I ever found out an aquaintance was a lesbian. But whether it helps Sketti or not, I dunno!

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That's more or less the technique I was going to suggest. Way back when I was first trying to figure out how to casually come out to people, I found it very useful to "invent" ex-girlfriends to make passing reference to. (Not entirely invented, but sometimes history was stretched a bit to create relevance to the conversation.) The "ex" part communicates present availability, as well as disambiguating between just-friend-girlfriends and romantic-interest-girlfriends. (Similarly useful: "this woman I was dating …")

Heather

Why don't you join a LGBT group and ask how people approach potential partners? Maybe you can try out some approaches on safe people first.

I'm not sure where you live, or I'd say, "Just ask her out." I'm a straight woman. I've been hit on by lesbians before, and I'm always flattered even if I'm not interested. I know not everyone is that open, so, I can see why you are a bit hesitant. I just think we have to take risks sometimes or we'll never get what we want.

Some places in the world aren't really safe for LGBT's to leap in without putting out feelers first. Not sure what type of community you live in, but I hope it's a supportive one. I'm behind you.

And if the girl is a real friend, she won't be put off by your asking her out, even if she's not interested. Life's too short to invest in people who don't have our backs.

Good luck.

I have dated co-workers before many a time lol. I think at work you have a few hurdles, not just the common fear of rejection and ridicule, but someone freaking out on you if they are straight. For the past ten years I've always worked at places where all the lesbians are out, (which is part of the allure of staying at a job where I feel safe and accepted), though I notice the men are still generally closeted except to a select few. It isn't really difficult for me to find out someone's orientation. But if you aren't sure, and don't know how the person will react, I definitely wouldn't just ask them out right away. They could have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and it would make things awkward. So IMO starting as friends is best, because then if you find out she's taken and/or straight, you can still have a positive work relationship and friendship. You should so keep us posted.