Avoiding I, My, The & That

6gear · Jan 14, 2013

Hi,New to this and just put 106,000 (and counting) words together for a NF solo motorcycle adventure. There are plenty of questions, but at this time I present one, well maybe two.There are many encouraging comments to the manuscript & story ie; written with passion and energy, reads like a documentary, and some stating confusing (convoluted) sentences. Will avoidance of starting a sentence with I, My, The or That have something to do with it? (*I still use them, but will not doubt *that *I am overdoing it.)FYI #1: For some reason I find my initial paragraphs to be in a dyslexic structure and consider my sentences may also, for same reason. (Could I be literarily (sp. haha) dyslexic? #2)FYI #3 For Comment: Per suggestion/comment from an English major, I chose to edit the whole manuscript to the present tense. However, there are a number of instances of reference that it just doesn't read right, but I expect a professional editor (when I contract one) will sort that out.I'm also told present tense is very difficult! Is this a possible source of convolution?Thank you for your comments.Best Regard,6gearSorry, despite triple clicking there is still a paragraph separation problem!!!!!!!!!!!

blacbird · Jan 14, 2013

I can understand the feeling that you need to avoid ("reduce" or "limit" might be better terms) the use of "I" and "my", which often lead to unnecessary filtering. I can also understand the feeling that you need to limit the use of "that", which is often just overused.

But why on earth would you want to limit the use of "the", which is the standard definite article? (Note that I used it twice in the preceding sentence, not counting the quoted word).

caw

JournoWriter · Jan 14, 2013

I understand your desire for variety. But if it's a first-person story (telling it from your viewpoint), it's very difficult to avoid beginning sentences with "I" and "My." Too much of that second-guessing and rethinking can lead to an overabundance of passive voice, which can slow your story down and turn some readers off.

If you are the main character of your book and you're telling it in the first person, then it's expected that "I" or "My" or some variant will dominate. Your characters tell the story through their eyes, so they're naturally going to lead off quite a bit. I just picked up the nonfiction book closest to me right now and opened it at random (Lethal Warriors, David Philipps, Palgrave Macmillan). Here are the frequencies of words that start sentences on p. 122:

He/she: 8
After: 3
[Name of character]: 3
The: 2
That: 1
When: 1
It: 1
His: 1
In: 1
Throughout: 1

As you can see, the characters are doing or saying something in the majority of the sentences. That's how you want it, generally speaking. Don't back in to too many of your sentences, or it'll just be unnatural.

My bottom line has always been: If it sounds good when you read it out loud, let it go.

Siri Kirpal · Jan 14, 2013

Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

Avoiding "I" and "my" in a memoir creates convoluted sentences and sounds pretentious. I understand wanting to avoid them. But why alienate your reader?

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

6gear · Jan 15, 2013

I, My, The and That

Thanks for all these replies.I meant the use of these at the beginning of a sentence repetitively. As I mentioned being dislexic in my sentence structure, this is exactly what is stated as "backing into a sentence." I've a thousand + hours into the manuscript already, and may do another thousand, but your comments do confirm the positive side of my question. I certianly have a multiple of rookie/newbie issues in what was not a planned adventure or formal tale, but I am on a better understanding of resolving some of the matter.Me thinks I have also compounded the matter by compressing the content to simplify sentences and reduce word count. Although I am reconsidering. With that said; I could easily have a manuscript at 125,000 words. OH Well, I will continue to study on my own and seek professional guidance.Thanks again for the comments as they have provided relief and encouragement.
I CONTINUE TO TRIPPLE SPACE BETWEEN PARAGRAPHS DURING THE POST ENTRY, YET CONTINUE TO GET IT ALL GLOBBED TOGETHER. ANY DIRECTION WILL BE APPRECIATED.

veinglory · Jan 16, 2013

I would suggest getting some beta-readers. If it doesn't bother them, it shouldn't bother you.

Walter B · Jan 16, 2013

Pretty much agree... Focus on communication not the grammar police. Uh oh! Sentence fragment at the beginning. My take is... Uh oh! I think... Darn it! Have fun with it. If an English major really enjoys the book, they won't ask for a refund over the small stuff.

6gear · Jan 17, 2013

veinglory said:
I would suggest getting some beta-readers. If it doesn't bother them, it shouldn;t bother you.

Encouraging replies, thank you all.

What's a beta-reader????????????????

veinglory · Jan 17, 2013

Basically some people similar to your target market, and not a good friend who would be afraid of offending you.

Avoiding I, My, The & That

6gear

blacbird

JournoWriter

Just the facts, please

Siri Kirpal

Swan in Process

6gear

veinglory

volitare nequeo

Walter B

6gear

veinglory

volitare nequeo