Okay, everyone...remember how I submitted my resume and headshot for the craigslist.org ad I saw for Penitentiary Pacific The Movie? And I told you all that I would keep you updated? Well, you would not believe the email I got yesterday!

Congratulations, you have been selected for the next phase of the preliminary casting process.

Well, great! Except:

Along with your professional profile, the requirement for casting consideration is that you as a nominee, must compose a full page essay about which Penitentiary Pacific character you think you can bring to life, emphasizing what your opinion is about this character's outcome in the novel. In addition, would you change this character's fate? If so, explain how.

If you do not have a copy of the novel, please refer to the site below:

Okay...so, apparently...my next step in the audition process is to write a book report! Obviously, you are expected to read the whole book, since this is "emphasizing what your opinion is about the character's outcome." So he expects all the actors to buy his book (because everyone knows you can't get PublishAmerica books in libraries) and write a two page paper. How many people do you think will actually do this? I think actors who don't usually write will be intimidated, and actors who can write will be put off by the except posted at bn.com.

Still, this is a great marketing ploy. Con would-be actors into thinking they have a shot at getting into a feature film. Tell them that the next step in the audition process is to buy your PA book and write an essay. If you ever hear back from them, just ignore them, and they'll assume they didn't make the cut. It happens to actors all the time. They should be used to it by now.