S*** White Girls Say to Black Girls

mirandashell · Jan 7, 2012

Really? Thinking about it, you could be right with a lot of the older women.

But a lot of young uns who have the front plastered to their head and the back curled and pinned and upstanding and shiny as you like... that's chemicals.

It often looks great but it can't possibly be healthy.

Not that I'd say anything. I did some mad stuff with my hair when I was their age.

missesdash · Jan 7, 2012

Then it depends on what you mean by chemicals. Wax, pomade, gel, etc. You'd be surprised what can done with black hair without harsh chemicals.

When black people say "chemically treated" we definitely mean relaxers. Someone plastering their hair to their forehead with tons of grease, as strange as it is, can still be done with natural hair.

But I do agree a lot of younger people use chemicals in their hair. Hair dye and bleaching is another big one (although that's across races). They don't generally think in terms of "is this damaging to my hair?"

Hell, in the end it's just hair. If it falls out, it'll grow back. If it doesn't grow back, you can buy a wig. It's all so inconsequential.

backslashbaby · Jan 7, 2012

The styling tool options do seem to have grown wonderfully, speaking only as someone on the edge of knowledge of it. I've always checked out the 'Black' section for conditioners, gels, etc, because my hair has a similar texture. There are so many more products than in the 80's, that I've noticed.

Pantene makes an awesome line, if you can find it. That's certainly new. Smart of major manufacturers to finally realize the market out there!

Vedren · Jan 16, 2012

escritora said:
That's the same reason it's difficult to watch. I imagine there's a lot of truth. For someone to touch a black woman's hair and say, "Oh, but it's so nappy" and the slavery comment, I don't know, my stomach sank.

You must know with being black sometimes when they white friends, people get comfortable with comments and say things, when they don't know any better, that are out of the ordinary. Never happened to me, but I've heard of things.

escritora · Jan 16, 2012

Vedren said:
You must know with being black sometimes when they white friends, people get comfortable with comments and say things, when they don't know any better, that are out of the ordinary. Never happened to me, but I've heard of things.

I don't doubt it. That was the point of my post.

Vedren · Jan 16, 2012

escritora said:
I don't doubt it. That was the point of my post.

Oh!

kuwisdelu · Jan 16, 2012

The hair issue is interesting to me, because it's rather similar with native communities.

Back during the days of government schools and their cultural indoctrination, one of the major things was forcing the captive native students to cut their long hair.

These days, lots of my cousins have buzz cuts out of choice. (Actually, an interesting addendum to this is that a lot of them also copy "black" pop culture, i.e., rap, baggy clothes, etc.)

When I decided to stay in school and go for my PhD rather than look for a job with my MS, I decided to grow my hair out like I've always wanted to (but always got fed up with during that annoying in-between phase).

Now it's a strong way that I identify with my culture. My hair used to be much shorter (e.g., my avatar) compared to now (not shown) but it's usually been longer than the average, accepted "male" length. (Ugh.) And now it's part of what makes me feel Zuni, even though most of my cousins have forsaken that part of our culture.

I don't know what will happen in the future, when I need to get a "real" job, and will be pressured to cut it for those stupid corporate reasons. (Speaking of which, why the fuck is that still an issue?) My hair is important to me. Even though it's not what my cousins associate with being Indian anymore, as someone who's never lived on the rez, who's half-blooded, and who's surrounded by non-native cultures, it's part of what I use to identify myself.

I don't want to let it go.

Vedren · Jan 16, 2012

What is "MS"?

kuwisdelu · Jan 16, 2012

Vedren said:
What is "MS"?

Masters of Science.

backslashbaby · Jan 17, 2012

Don't you dare cut it, Kuwi, unless you absolutely have to

eta: and to be optimistic, you might not have to cut it. My brother worked at Johns Hopkins (with a team of researchers), and he just braided his in back or wore a ponytail.

Devil Ledbetter · Jan 17, 2012

kuwisdelu said:
I don't know what will happen in the future, when I need to get a "real" job, and will be pressured to cut it for those stupid corporate reasons. (Speaking of which, why the fuck is that still an issue?)

You may not need to.

The company I work at is sort of progressive, but not extremely so. We have three gentlemen with very long hair. One is part native American and grows his beautiful hair out, donates it to Locks for Love, then grows it back. Another has extremely long hair and an even longer beard, and is considered the hardest working, smartest and most reliable person in his department. The third is in a "white collar" professional position and the fact that he can never seem to get here on time is a much larger issue for his manager than his hair, which is not an issue at all.

These guys are in their 20s, 30s and 50s. Nobody is on their cases about their hair.

Our current and previous company presidents both had long hair earlier in life. The current prez used to follow Phish around on tour.

crunchyblanket · Jan 17, 2012

I wouldn't worry too much, Kuwi. I work in a pathology lab, my hair is currently super short and bright pink. People are gradually coming round to the idea of non-typical hairstyles. My boss doesn't care, as long as my hair is clean and tidy.

defyalllogic · Jan 17, 2012

Hi, I'm Black. I'm a lady. I wrote a long post....

I thought the video was funny and funny because it's true. And true because that's not what people who are genuinely racist say, It's what your white friends will say to you because they want to be able to relate to you. I probably say weird things to white friends about sunburn and casseroles... It's just nice to know that there is a common experience sometimes, like having the same job or car or step mother.

On "nigga," I don't say it and I think it sounds stupid when people do. It sounds like some kind of false bravado. I see it more as a culture thing than a color thing. If there's a gang (meant literally) of Hispanics, whites, and blacks and they're all saying "nigga this and that," it all sounds the same to me. And they all sound like people I wouldn't really want to talk to.

On things people say that they don't realize might be offensive: "You're so lucky, you're tan year round." Fuck you. I'm black, say it again and say "black" instead of "tan." See how much sense you're making then...
Because my hair is natural and big, people loooooove to just get up in it. It's worse when it's the in-laws. "I love you're hair, it's so exciting (really?). I wish I could just have such thick curly hair, it would be so much easier." I like to explain to people that It's not even remotely easy to maintain my hair. Then i get worried that I must be giving off the impression that I don't actually comb my hair...

On hair. Oh, dear god. years of chemical burns and sitting in hood salons (literally, a salon set up in a space being rented on the ground floor of a building in the projects) where you wait all day just to get treated like shit... I went natural. Sadly, I went back to relaxer-- but the home kits. Once I got the relaxer on a chunk of hair and in flopped down in my eye. Yup, I got relaxer (sodium hydroxide) in my eye. I rushed and washed it out and had my husband (Asian-white) read the paper and to see if there was anything else I should do.
Well, that man and his morbid curiosity, he kept reading and he was straight up horrified. "Why would anyone ever put this near their bodies?!"
"To straighten their hair..."
"It says to cover your hair but don't let it touch your scalp or skin... how is that even possible."
"Well, you do. just not for long... because then you'd get burns. Remember in college I use to say my mom burned me with the relaxer?"
"Those are chemical burns! Like acid. It's literally acid."
"So, you won't let me relax our kids hair?"
"Why do you hate out future kids? I'm tempted to keep you away from my wife..."
I decided to invest in heavy conditioners (Paul Mitchell is AMAZING) and instead of going "natural" with softened roots, actually just do it.
I straightened my hair with a blow dryer and iron the other day and Husband was very pleased. He said the house smelled like burned hair for hours but it's worth it over the alternative.

Perks · Jan 17, 2012

defyalllogic said:
On things people say that they don't realize might be offensive: "You're so lucky, you're tan year round." Fuck you. I'm black, say it again and say "black" instead of "tan." See how much sense you're making then...

Thanks for being frank. This thread is really interesting and now I have a related question that hopefully doesn't make me seem dim. I'm pale. Very pale. I often admire darker skin. To me, it's less about looking 'tan' (which is, like you said, a silly thing to say to a black person) as it is about camouflaging fatigue. I just never think well-pigmented people look as tired as I occasionally do, and I don't believe it's because they aren't just as tired.

Is admiring people's skin just probably better something kept more-or-less within your own shade, because it will always sound patronizing? I only ask, because I have a tenet to live by - never withhold a compliment. I always like to hear that I have nice skin - which it is when I'm not draggin' ass. I figure other people would like to hear it, too, but in some cases, it might seem more like drawing an unwanted line than paying admiration to a nice facial feature.

Vedren · Jan 17, 2012

defyalllogic said:
Hi, I'm Black. I'm a lady. I wrote a long post....

I thought the video was funny and funny because it's true. And true because that's not what people who are genuinely racist say, It's what your white friends will say to you because they want to be able to relate to you. I probably say weird things to white friends about sunburn and casseroles... It's just nice to know that there is a common experience sometimes, like having the same job or car or step mother.

On "nigga," I don't say it and I think it sounds stupid when people do. It sounds like some kind of false bravado. I see it more as a culture thing than a color thing. If there's a gang (meant literally) of Hispanics, whites, and blacks and they're all saying "nigga this and that," it all sounds the same to me. And they all sound like people I wouldn't really want to talk to.

On things people say that they don't realize might be offensive: "You're so lucky, you're tan year round." Fuck you. I'm black, say it again and say "black" instead of "tan." See how much sense you're making then...
Because my hair is natural and big, people loooooove to just get up in it. It's worse when it's the in-laws. "I love you're hair, it's so exciting (really?). I wish I could just have such thick curly hair, it would be so much easier." I like to explain to people that It's not even remotely easy to maintain my hair. Then i get worried that I must be giving off the impression that I don't actually comb my hair...

On hair. Oh, dear god. years of chemical burns and sitting in hood salons (literally, a salon set up in a space being rented on the ground floor of a building in the projects) where you wait all day just to get treated like shit... I went natural. Sadly, I went back to relaxer-- but the home kits. Once I got the relaxer on a chunk of hair and in flopped down in my eye. Yup, I got relaxer (sodium hydroxide) in my eye. I rushed and washed it out and had my husband (Asian-white) read the paper and to see if there was anything else I should do.
Well, that man and his morbid curiosity, he kept reading and he was straight up horrified. "Why would anyone ever put this near their bodies?!"
"To straighten their hair..."
"It says to cover your hair but don't let it touch your scalp or skin... how is that even possible."
"Well, you do. just not for long... because then you'd get burns. Remember in college I use to say my mom burned me with the relaxer?"
"Those are chemical burns! Like acid. It's literally acid."
"So, you won't let me relax our kids hair?"
"Why do you hate out future kids? I'm tempted to keep you away from my wife..."
I decided to invest in heavy conditioners (Paul Mitchell is AMAZING) and instead of going "natural" with softened roots, actually just do it.
I straightened my hair with a blow dryer and iron the other day and Husband was very pleased. He said the house smelled like burned hair for hours but it's worth it over the alternative.

Nice post! I didn't get offended by the video. I actually commented with the video maker and her bf of 15yrs is white and they have an understanding. I think it's hilarious. People are just too quick to shoot in the word "Racism" when they have no other way to explain the emotional effect certain topics, comments, statements have on them. They need a way to justify their argument. But yes, some things can be said from another race that may be offensive without them trying to be. What do you do? Correct them on the spot. Don't let things build up and then blow up.

I'm pretty outspoken of girl and I have a friend who is white and something was said around her from my other black friend and I didn't think anything of it, and she did. What did she do? She pulled me aside later on, since me and her are closer and let me know how she felt about the comment and I explained how it was "A black thing" and no harm was intended, but being able to empathize quite well, I was able to understand her side and agree that maybe it shouldn't have been said.

See how simple communication is?

Vedren · Jan 17, 2012

Perks said:
Thanks for being frank. This thread is really interesting and now I have a related question that hopefully doesn't make me seem dim. I'm pale. Very pale. I often admire darker skin. To me, it's less about looking 'tan' (which is, like you said, a silly thing to say to a black person) as it is about camouflaging fatigue. I just never think well-pigmented people look as tired as I occasionally do, and I don't believe it's because they aren't just as tired.

Is admiring people's skin just probably better something kept more-or-less within your own shade, because it will always sound patronizing? I only ask, because I have a tenet to live by - never withhold a compliment. I always like to hear that I have nice skin - which it is when I'm not draggin' ass. I figure other people would like to hear it, too, but in some cases, it might seem more like drawing an unwanted line than paying admiration to a nice facial feature.

I don't really get your question. But as far as being tanned all year round, I don't find that offensive at all if someone says that to me. In my opinion if you have a problem with that comment it's because you have a problem with your complexion. if you like your skin then how can that be taken the wrong way?

White person: You're lucky, you have tan all year round.

Me: (Smiles) You're crazy! And trust me, even more tanned in the hotter seasons. (LOL) But thanks!

No offense would be taken on my part.

S*** White Girls Say to Black Girls

mirandashell

missesdash

You can't sit with us!

backslashbaby

*

Vedren

escritora

.

Vedren

kuwisdelu

Revolutionize the World

Vedren

kuwisdelu

Revolutionize the World

backslashbaby

*

Devil Ledbetter

Come on you stranger, you legend,

crunchyblanket

the Juggernaut of Imperfection

defyalllogic

i'm a girl. (i have tendonitis)

Perks

delicate #!&@*#! flower

Vedren

Vedren

S*** White Girls Say to Black Girls

You can't sit with us!

~~~~*~~~~

.

Revolutionize the World

Revolutionize the World

~~~~*~~~~

Come on you stranger, you legend,

the Juggernaut of Imperfection

i'm a girl. (i have tendonitis)

delicate #!&@*#! flower

*

*