Quote Originally Posted by cnhoward View Post
Now that all is said and done, I have to offer my sincere apologies to one and all. You were totally right and I was wrong.

At the time, I was still under some pressure to save not only my publisher's reputation, but in a bigger way, my own. If he failed, I failed. I still had my book launch pending and I had to hold out hope that he would follow through with his end of the contract and do right by me. It didn't happen.

I admit that I did take personal offense at the B&N statement here because in my mind, that was a really important step forward in my attempt to be a legit writer. But I did appreciate the good advise I was getting. It was opening my blinded eyes to a lot of things. Admittedly, once my hairs are raised, I kind of dig in and get stubborn. For that, I'm so sorry.

Instead of it being my dream come true, my book launch was the thing nightmares are made of. Although it's been over a month, I'm still having bad dreams, panic attacks, not sleeping, I've lost 22 lbs., I'm not eating, I can't write much of anything, I still break out in spontaneous tears. I was humiliated in front of my colleagues, my friends, my family, my bosses, the University benefactors, and even some media (who kindly said NOTHING about it).

Not only was this happening, but my uncle died on his way to my signing--wanting to help me celebrate my big moment. So it was as if he died for nothing. My family and close friends were in deep sorrow for his loss that night while still trying to be up for my sake. (We were all an emotional mess from crying all day) and then to have the publisher do what he did... it was my own personal hell.

Not saying who was right or wrong and not getting into the exact details (so take it with a grain of salt knowing there's always two sides to a story), basically the books weren't printed until the last minute. The publisher changed the fonts and colors and back cover blurb and fonts without me or the graphics person knowing about it. Plus when he changed it, he misspelled the word Angels. Instead, the title and spine were printed as Wrath of 'Angles.' No, it wasn't a book about mad mathematicians. There were font issues and typos on the back cover as well.

The University, who was sponsoring the author reception and signing, told the publisher he couldn't sell a book with such obvious typos, especially since it was an academic environment AND my job at the University is to fix typos in the national library databases. And there weren't just typos on the outside, but on the inside. A serious typo was on page 2 of one book! It would have left the University and me with a black eye. It still did in a way.

Long story short, I ended up having to print the books as promotional copies (without an ISBN) at a local printer in order to have physical books in time for the signing. It was either do it or have no books at the book signing. The publisher then informed me I was in breach of contract for printing more than 7,500 words and for being in competition with him when I told him I needed to make the money back for what it cost me to print them and for the promotional materials costs, so he had to either let me sell the promotional copies or pay me for them. He refused to do either (even though he had given me permission to print corrected copies at the espresso book machine in downtown Denver using his .pdf) which I couldn't physically do because of my health issues, nor could I afford it. Nor did I know what kind of set up costs, computer skills, etc. would be needed to do this. And it was very expensive.

I guess neither of us trusted the other. He wouldn't give me the money without the printer's receipt (which was at my house an hour and half round trip from the University and which I said I would fax to him as soon as I got home. I never even thought about bringing it with me. I was notably overwhelmed by everything, all the relatives and people in the house helping me get ready, planning the funeral, etc.). And I didn't trust him when he said he would send me a check for it later. He had already said he would send me a check for some of the promotional materials which I had yet to see.

He walked out on the signing, telling me his lawyer advised him to leave and to tell me I couldn't sell any books. This was after everyone was already there, seated and waiting (and listening to us in the back of the room). I ended up having to just give the books away and take the loss.

To make matters worse, I'm going to have to send the publisher's books back at my own expense (yes, the books I was told I couldn't sell.) That's another $200 or more out of my pocket. I'm handicapped. I can't drive. I'm on a fixed and reduced disability income. I've already had to take a hit for the printing costs and for the promotional materials. It was a very expensive lesson to learn.

Two lives were lost that day--one literally (my uncle) and my own creative soul. I spent 35 years writing what I thought was my masterpiece work. I was so proud of it. Years and years of tweaking and researching and making everything plausible and fit just right throughout the trilogy. Now it's gone. Irretrievable because of my stupidity and ignorance and being too cheap to pay a lawyer to have looked over the contracts first before signing. It hurts and makes me cry to even think about it. I can't even look at the cover images. They remind me of my failure and my uncle.

And I have very little hope of ever seeing a dime from any of the three books I signed over to Iconic. I'm not saying it won't ever happen, I'm just saying I'm not holding my breath--especially when it's not being actively marketed and there's a 250 book clause before I see any royalties which have to equal more than $100 dollars before a check is issued.

And that's the fallout from my own experience. He can say I was wrong. I can say he was wrong, perhaps we were both wrong, but in the end, a man died and everyone lost something from the experience. It couldn't have been any more tragic and devastating.
Oh, Christina, I am so sorry to hear this. Condolences on the loss of your uncle.

You're grieving now for a number of things, which is understandable. But don't count yourself out; you've been writing for a long time, and once you get through the grief, your writing mojo will probably come back. Just give yourself time and permission to grieve.