Need Memoir Help...please!

I think you should go with your voice. The reader is going to be able to relate to you better if you're genuine. Of course there are harder parts to tell and that's often indicated by choice of words, posture, body language, tone of voice etc.
My voice changes throughout my memoir and I gain mastery over the trauma I experienced. People who've read my MS from start to finish have commented on this.

Sometimes pain drives the bus and you have to sit in the back. Other times you can trick pain to get in front of the bus where you can drive over it a few times. To tenderize it a bit.
Be brave!

5YOL said:

Thanks, Pink Amy...

So, what, just keep going back to that part and add my voice bit by bit?

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I think it depends on whether you're telling the story in the past or the present. It sounds like you're still feeling the pain. I'm sorry to hear whatever happened still hurts you. Try to throw caution to the wind and write it from the place of pain. Don't write it into the story right now, just write. If you have trouble doing it, there's an exercise where you use your nondominant hand to write about painful memories which uses connects to a more primitive part of your brain. Even if what you write comes out as if a 10 year old wrote it, that's ok, because that's the voice where the pain originated and may be stuck.
In my own memoir there's a part when I'm describing abuse to my therapist and I indicate the voice not just by the words, but by my posture, body language etc. My sentences are shorter, the words less mature.
Not sure if this helps.

I hope I'm not being presumptuous asking these questions.
How far removed are you from the pain (months, years decades)?
How healed do you feel from the trauma?

I'm 30 years out from the end of the abuse, 15 years out from the end of the legal trauma that followed. My memoir would have been a very different story 1 year out or 5 years out than 10-15 years out. Had I not healed from PTSD, my story would not have been as insightful.
If you're still in pain and healing, I'd recommend first just writing your story for the sake of writing it (consider it a first draft) without thinking that you're writing a book. Get it out on paper (or puter). See what kind of feelings are brought up and deal with them. Then go back and see what you have and start fashioning it more into a book. Decide what you want to include and not include etc.
I was told to write the whole first draft before going back and making changes and whoever suggested that was right. Editing and fine tuning interfere with the creative process (and certainly with the healing process).
You'll obviously have some pain writing about hard things. It sounds like you might be having a lot, which probably means there are things you're still addressing and/or haven't yet addressed.

While it is theoretically possible to drive a bus over those who have caused you pain, I wouldn't recommend it. A jail cell can be a great place to collect your thoughts, but it gets quite boring after a while. (Imagine a little smiley face here.)
What you say has a nice bit of dark humor in it, I also seem to hear two different intents?
Telling the truth can be cathartic, and maybe even release you from some pain. But to tell the truth with the intent to punish seems a bit like entering into battle. Maybe that's okay, but more importantly, does the latter serve your needs as well as the former? You need to do what's best for you, but "best" is a very big word.
If you tell the truth through details and events but without spinning your personal pain into the mix, your readers may visualize your pain on their own terms--sometimes a much more potent thing than were you to describe your pain on your terms.
Okay, now here's me trying to go deep:
Pain is sort of like a hot potato--you can pass it off to someone else, but it always comes around to you again.
...
And this thought is perhaps a bit more coherent:
Abuse and the pain it causes is part of our culture of violence. The most important thing (to me, anyway), is to break the cycle of violence. Violence, pain, abuse, or revenge, in any physical or emotional form, ultimately causes more of the same.

Added edit: Oh, and I should have said that PinkAmy's comment above is much more practical than anything I've written here. The first step is to always write, then think later.

Piggybacking on what Stewart just said. When healing from abuse you need to think about short term vs. long term gratification. I speak from experience. While attempting to punish those who have wronged us might seem appealing and right, there might be unintended consequences for doing so...and not just for you. The pain you felt at the time of the abuse is different than the pain you feel now and different what you will feel five or ten years down the road. I hope that you will come to a place of peace where the memories you hold will no longer have the power to cause you pain. It is possible. Time, distance, and therapy all help.

Pain is sort of like a hot potato--you can pass it off to someone else, but it always comes around to you again.

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Great quote!

There will come a time in your life when you will feel more than the pain. Hopefully writing is another step forward. My memoir has 9 drafts/rewrites. You will likely find that the more you rewrite (once you get the first draft done), the more mastery you will have over the situations you could not control.

Glad you've got a loving partner to help you through the rough patches.
Also: reading aloud is a very powerful tool for self-growth. At a minimum, when your book is publish and all that, you may be asked to do so by your fans. Practicing (reading aloud) is to develop a precious skill. I still can't do it very well.

Stewart said:

Also: reading aloud is a very powerful tool for self-growth. At a minimum, when your book is publish and all that, you may be asked to do so by your fans. Practicing (reading aloud) is to develop a precious skill. I still can't do it very well.

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Reading out lout will also help with your writing. One of my 9 rewrites was out loud. I caught a lot of poorly worded sentences and word repetitions.

BTW- I think Stewart and I speak the same language. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship .

Have you tried writing it in the same way you'd journal it and then edit from there?