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Thread: Gentlemen, I am happy to report

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  1. #1
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin weightlifter316's Avatar
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    Arrow Gentlemen, I am happy to report

    that my good friend's book is finally being published. Despite all the terrible things we heard far and wide across the Internets, he decided to accept a contract with AEG and Strategic Book Mark. It's a steal - only $995 for the first copy! I think he went ahead and paid them cash so they would throw in the book signing tour and the 'Grande', which is their all out advertising campaign.

    Now I know what you're thinking "They said the same thing to us!" "It'll never work!" Well, my friends - this is no ordinary book. My friend is well read, having sampled many of Stephen Hawkins' works. He will take what he's learned from this and other disciplines, then compare and contrast what the Bible has to say about such theories, also including Einstein's Theory of Relativity and The Big Bang. Truly a fascinating read. Also included are what we believe to be factual evidence that Christ walked with dinosaurs, an expose' on the seedier profit-driven side of science, and finally the one true way to Salvation. You will not be able to put this puppy down. And at only 272 pages, you'll be able to read through it in a single night. Once he lets me know the title and cover art, I'll post that too!

  2. #2
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  3. #3
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    Is this hyperbole or are you fishing for an argument?

    Its so hard to tell these days

  4. #4
    Comic guy Bartholomew's Avatar
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    DOOM! DOOM! DOOM!

    The mighty drumming echoed up from the mines of Moria.

    "Orcs!" cried Legolas. But he did not know the full of it, for as soon as he turned, bow and arrow locked, the door splintered in. He loosed his shaft, but for naught. The troll leading the host of orcs caught it, and snapped it like kindling.

    Will the fellowship make it out of the mines alive? Is Frodo irrevocably corrupted by the power of the One Ring? Find out next week, same Hobbit-time, same Hobbit-station!
    Last edited by Bartholomew; 07-29-2010 at 03:44 PM.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by weightlifter316 View Post
    that my good friend's book is finally being published. Despite all the terrible things we heard far and wide across the Internets, he decided to accept a contract with AEG and Strategic Book Mark. It's a steal - only $995 for the first copy! I think he went ahead and paid them cash so they would throw in the book signing tour and the 'Grande', which is their all out advertising campaign.

    Now I know what you're thinking "They said the same thing to us!" "It'll never work!" Well, my friends - this is no ordinary book. My friend is well read, having sampled many of Stephen Hawkins' works. He will take what he's learned from this and other disciplines, then compare and contrast what the Bible has to say about such theories, also including Einstein's Theory of Relativity and The Big Bang. Truly a fascinating read. Also included are what we believe to be factual evidence that Christ walked with dinosaurs, an expose' on the seedier profit-driven side of science, and finally the one true way to Salvation. You will not be able to put this puppy down. And at only 272 pages, you'll be able to read through it in a single night. Once he lets me know the title and cover art, I'll post that too!





    you guys....


    re; embolden bit - i doubt it...

  6. #6
    Is me. Monkey's Avatar
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    How ground breaking. A pay-for-play book about how science is all wrong and Christianity is the one true way? Yes, I'm sure that's never been done before.

    But...I mean, you're joking, right?

    Right?

  7. #7
    Your Genial Uncle Absolute Sage James D. Macdonald's Avatar
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    Give it six months and let us know how it's working out for your friend.

    Remind him to save all the receipts and emails. The Florida Attorney General will want them.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by weightlifter316 View Post
    that my good friend's book is finally being published. Despite all the terrible things we heard far and wide across the Internets, he decided to accept a contract with AEG and Strategic Book Mark. It's a steal - only $995 for the first copy! I think he went ahead and paid them cash so they would throw in the book signing tour and the 'Grande', which is their all out advertising campaign.

    Now I know what you're thinking "They said the same thing to us!" "It'll never work!" Well, my friends - this is no ordinary book. My friend is well read, having sampled many of Stephen Hawkins' works. He will take what he's learned from this and other disciplines, then compare and contrast what the Bible has to say about such theories, also including Einstein's Theory of Relativity and The Big Bang. Truly a fascinating read. Also included are what we believe to be factual evidence that Christ walked with dinosaurs, an expose' on the seedier profit-driven side of science, and finally the one true way to Salvation. You will not be able to put this puppy down. And at only 272 pages, you'll be able to read through it in a single night. Once he lets me know the title and cover art, I'll post that too!
    Hey - you sure that wasn't Fred Flintstone?


    If this isn't a joke, the human mind is even scarier than I thought it was.

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    Actually just realised the publisher. poor chap or clever phisherman...

  10. #10
    hatters gonna hat SuperModerator poetinahat's Avatar
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    "Stephen Hawkins"? Didn't he play for the Sixers back when Dr. J was around?

    "You will not be able to put this puppy down" - well, that's why my friend quit his job at the animal shelter. At $995 for 272 pages, or nearly four bucks a page, unless it's printed on two-dollar bills, I won't be picking this puppy up anyway.
    Last edited by poetinahat; 07-29-2010 at 04:03 AM.

  11. #11
    aka Sadistic Mistress Mi-chan M.R.J. Le Blanc's Avatar
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    I don't know whether this is sarcasm or trolling, but OP you said you'd come back. Don't be a liar and back out of it.
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  12. #12
    Seen 'em come, seen 'em go Gravity's Avatar
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    One-shot wonder; just some kid joking around, trying to get a reaction. He got it.

    Next...
    Cameron Bane

    PITFALL, WildBlue Press

    www.cameronbanebooks.com



  13. #13
    Spent the night with Jack Daniels JulieHowe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by weightlifter316 View Post
    that my good friend's book is finally being published. Despite all the terrible things we heard far and wide across the Internets, he decided to accept a contract with AEG and Strategic Book Mark. It's a steal - only $995 for the first copy! I think he went ahead and paid them cash so they would throw in the book signing tour and the 'Grande', which is their all out advertising campaign.

    Now I know what you're thinking "They said the same thing to us!" "It'll never work!" Well, my friends - this is no ordinary book. My friend is well read, having sampled many of Stephen Hawkins' works. He will take what he's learned from this and other disciplines, then compare and contrast what the Bible has to say about such theories, also including Einstein's Theory of Relativity and The Big Bang. Truly a fascinating read. Also included are what we believe to be factual evidence that Christ walked with dinosaurs, an expose' on the seedier profit-driven side of science, and finally the one true way to Salvation. You will not be able to put this puppy down. And at only 272 pages, you'll be able to read through it in a single night. Once he lets me know the title and cover art, I'll post that too!
    The use of the word internets tells me this is an old-time crank from way back in the days of the dial-up BBS, and this is not meant to be a serious post. PM me with your old BBS handle (username) if you really are an old-timer, and we can cry in our beer about the good old days, when real men had email addresses that ended with @compuserve.com.

  14. #14
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin weightlifter316's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JulieHowe View Post
    The use of the word internets tells me this is an old-time crank from way back in the days of the dial-up BBS, and this is not meant to be a serious post. PM me with your old BBS handle (username) if you really are an old-timer, and we can cry in our beer about the good old days, when real men had email addresses that ended with @compuserve.com.
    No, it's just a bad habit, like saying Walmarts, or Kmarts. I'm new here, and wanted to share the joy of having assisted in the completion of this harrowing task. I hope that every reader is enlightened and entertained.

  15. #15
    Plays with fire. thewakingself's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by weightlifter316 View Post
    I'm new here, and wanted to share the joy of having assisted in the completion of this harrowing task. I hope that every reader is enlightened and entertained.
    But I'm not a gentleman--I'm a lady! Surely this doesn't mean I'm excluded from the enlightenment, does it? Because I can't wait to see how you tackle humans living alongside velociraptors and other such carnivorous megafauna.

    Best of luck to you and your friend! Also:

    ::cough:: troll ::cough::
    Last edited by thewakingself; 07-29-2010 at 06:01 AM.
    This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
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    Hakuna Matata Little1's Avatar
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    oh dear. The mind she boggles some times...
    In Progress:
    Prince$$ Ti@ of Alumin@ Querying :S

  18. #18
    All around miscreant artemis31386's Avatar
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    Just waiting for the train wreck.
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    The Witching Hour- Buy it Now
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    Nightingale available now wherever ebooks are sold

  19. #19
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin weightlifter316's Avatar
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    Look, I'm not going to pretend I know about werewolves or vampires. My book is well researched. All of these Moleskine notebooks weren't sent down from Heaven. I worked on them. When was the last time you people read this: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/...ad.php?t=66315

  20. #20
    A Gentleman of a refined age... thothguard51's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by weightlifter316 View Post
    Look, I'm not going to pretend I know about werewolves or vampires. My book is well researched. All of these Moleskine notebooks weren't sent down from Heaven. I worked on them. When was the last time you people read this: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/...ad.php?t=66315
    I thought it was your friend's book?
    Knowledge is learned while wisdom is earned.

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  21. #21
    Comic guy Bartholomew's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by weightlifter316 View Post
    Look, I'm not going to pretend I know about werewolves or vampires.
    I love that you assume we all write horror genre.

  22. #22
    aka Sadistic Mistress Mi-chan M.R.J. Le Blanc's Avatar
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    This has to be trolling. It has to be.
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  23. #23
    Your Genial Uncle Absolute Sage James D. Macdonald's Avatar
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    What do werewolves or vampires have to do with anything?

    Regardless of whether it's your book or your friend's book, save the receipts and other records. You'll want to bookmark the Florida Attorney General's page.

  24. #24
    hatters gonna hat SuperModerator poetinahat's Avatar
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    "Now I know what you're thinking <note lack of punctuation mark here> 'They said the same thing to us!' <etc.>"

    "well read, having sampled many of Stephen Hawkins' books" -- most well-read people would've read the entire books, not just 'sampled' them. And, um, I imagine you mean Stephen Hawking or, as Homer Simpson calls him, 'that wheelchair guy'.

    "Internets" -- is slang really appropriate if you're trying to establish any sort of credibility here?

    "$995" (seriously, for 272 pages by someone who isn't Isaac Newton, or do you mean $9.95?)

    "my good friend's book"... "what we believe" ... "my book is well researched" -- Well, which is it? C'mon, Sybil, you can tell us...

    "what the Bible has to say about such theories, including Einstein's Theory of Relativity" -- because, y'know, Jesus walked with Einstein and the dinosaurs. And they walked into a bar...

    Hmmm.

    Boy, if I were posting an announcement about a new book I've written (or am about to write; from the post, I still can't figure out which), I'd want to do a very thorough job of proofreading for punctuation and factual consistency. This doesn't give me any sort of hope for the book itself.

    Given the author (you, your 'good friend', or whoever) is still unknown, that thousand bucks (give or take a cup of coffee) doesn't sound like a bargain. The marketing hasn't grabbed me.

    And your friend paid for this book to be published? Yeah, I'd keep the receipts.
    Last edited by poetinahat; 07-29-2010 at 07:28 AM.

  25. #25
    This hat is getting too hot Chumplet's Avatar
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    I wonder if the $995 was for the book package, since he mentioned signings and advertising.

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