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Thread: Help with intro chapter

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  1. #1
    figuring it all out Selene LuPaine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
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    Ontario
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    56

    Help with intro chapter

    I desperately need some help with the beginning of the first chapter of my novel. It slow to action so I would appreciate your opinion. I was thinking that maybe start them out at the dock right in the beginning cuz afterwards I have a few things happening that will spark some interest. I want to capture the readers interest early so that it wouldn't be turned away.


    Thank you in advance!


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~


    Waves crashed upon the sides of the boat, rocking the men working on the deck. The night was unusually quiet and rather dark. The sky was dotted with thousands of stars and not a cloud in the sky to shield the moon nearing its fullest. The rays from the mysterious ball shone down upon the boat and reflected upon the dark waves of the sea and on the pale joyless face gazing upon the water leaning on the rail of the deck. Her golden yellow eyes watched the waves with an absence of fascination, her mind elsewhere. She stood alone, no one else dared to come to close to her after the brawl the night before. One of the women traveling from Calpurnia like the rest of them had the courage to slap her. If it wasn’t the ruthless glare that frightened the women and the men gathered around the dinner table, then it was the inhumane growl that formed from the seething darkness within her and made itself known to those gathered.

    She did not seem to mind the peace that was given to her. The space allowed her the time to think about events she would rather forget, but sadly knew she would never have that luxury. Sometimes the haunting images spurred her anger, and brought her close to breaking through the calm shield she carefully placed around herself, but what friends she did have would not allow it.

    From a distance she looked almost like a fading apparition, her torso seemed to be covered in drying blood while she stood motionless at the back of the ship. Her clothing both fancy and mysterious seemed but a shadow licking the deck in the movements of the cool breeze that washed over her pale skin and caressed her loose white hair. She tilted her head upwards and deep in the darkness the wolf rose and sniffed the salty air. An image of a harbor formed in her mind as she tasted the air with her nose. Her nose picked up the smell of human flesh, cacked in layers of sweat and dirt from a hard days work, and the sounds of waves colliding upon rocks reached her ears. Only a few moments later she heard one of the sailors shout.

    “Land ho!” The voice was loud and throaty, coming from a larger man who dinned too often, and worked too little. His announcement was accompanied by the sound of cheers and bells to awaken the passengers to begin packing. Most of the passengers would have been fully awake. Only a few still required sleep, and would find the sudden outburst of sound disturbing.

    She turned slightly to the ramp that led down into the bowels of the ship. She could hear a snort and a scraping of hooves and recognized it as Artex. She was impatient, and rather
    uncomfortable traveling over water in a cramped stall. She was also a magnificent ebony black horse compound with muscle. Her breed was called a Friesian, though she was a bit more special than the rest. A friesian was proportioned between a strong working horse, and a smaller riding horse to fit several needs. In the end they had a smooth elegant gait and were calm and compassionate. Not Artex however, she had a bitter temper, and was eager to bite any hand that did not belong to Selene.

    Selene's ears picked up the sound of a click and then the sound of wood sliding as her horse’s stall was opened. Moments later two men walked up the ramp giving each other space as they led the horses. Others emerged from the depths of the ship as well carrying luggage, and sometimes dragging a stubborn mule behind them. She did not care for the others, but only the two men coming towards her.

    Artex reached out to nip the hauntingly handsome man on the hand that held his reins. Angry at the horse’s actions, he yanked the reins hard in which would have pulled quite painfully on her teeth. Artex stomped her feet and half reared up, her eyes beginning to flare.

    The other man known as Keston stopped a few feet away chuckling to himself. He held the reins to a large draft horse that he somehow mamaged to ride. It was white with large sploches of black with a good easy temperment. his hand racked through his red hair while Lazar spoke, still holding Artex's reins and his own dapple mare. “Take your horse Selene before she sets the entire boat on fire.” His eyes were black with a hint of sadness deeply hidden away by his anger and hatred.

    Selene raised a hand to Artex’s soft velvet nose to soothe her flaming spirit. Almost immediately Artex settled down while Lazar gave her the reins and adjusted the saddlebags on the horse. She took the reins and turned back to the sea and studied the shore several miles away. “Are you sure that is the harbor of Seragoh, and not some other distant Region?” Selene asked, her question directed to Keston with the red wavy hair. His own outfit was a dark blue with a long red velvet coat.

    He leaned over the rail and peered at the shoreline with the faint hint of lights from far away buildings. She could hear him sniff as he tasted the air and then looked back at her. “The captain says it is Seragoh and that they had found the right course after getting trapped in Slothan Point.” He said, his voice smooth and strong. Slothan point was a ship captain’s fears. Three high pillars stuck out of the water with several runes in scripted down the sides. Waves collided upon the rocks and could easily destroy boats with one hard blow to the stern. In a storm it was nearly impossible to maneuver, and was known to be the graveyard of many legendary ships.

    “In a few hours we will dock at the harbor and can rid ourselves of these humans.” Lazar hissed as he stepped closer to Selene, his opaque eyes studied the shoreline as well, but with dull interest. His hair was white and short, reaching his shoulders contrasting against his black tunic. The tunic was sleeveless and tight fitting to reveal his strong muscular form.
    Last edited by Selene LuPaine; 08-06-2005 at 07:25 AM.

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