Fortunately...unfortunately

Fortunately with your thick midsection (it's not fat, it's fluid muscle) and your short raptor like arms.....you happen to have teeth like a raptor and grab him by the belt before he can fall to his demise.....Unfortunately....

The police officer think you're trying to eat the man dangling from your teeth and draws his gun. Fortunately...

Fortunately Speven Stillberg shows up, letting the officer know this is actually a film scene from an upcoming movie of Jurassic Evil and it's all part of the production......unfortunately

the officer asks to see the permit for filming at a public location. Fortunately...

you had put the permit in your shirt pocket, and reach in the pocket to retrieve it. Unfortunately ...

...a pickpocket had stolen your permit (along with your wallet) and now walks up to the officer and claims he is you. Fortunately...

Fortunately ...... you have a badass Tom Selleck mustache.....the cop is swayed by the awesomeness of it and goes in your favor.....UNFORTUNATELY...

your mustache has remnants of pea soup, orange jello and peanut butter in it. On closer inspection, the officer vomits on your shoes. Fortunately...

The cop runs to his car and drives off, allowing you to continue with whatever it was that you were doing. Unfortunately ...

...you can't remember what you were doing. Fortunately...

No one else does either. You see a bright-light off in the in the distance and decide, having not yet learned your lesson, to walk toward it. Unfortunately ...

it is an oncoming train. Fortunately...

Fortunately....that strange, luring light is an ALIEN train and you approach and are captured in a suspension beam and taken on board the alien craft.....Unfortunately...

unfortunately these cosmic creeps expect you to possess a ticket to ride which you do not have (you turn out your pockets and reveal a few cheerfully dented peanuts, half a pencil and a key to a door which you believe to be cursed). No matter the twists, mists and shifts you experience onboard, this remains a utensil of public transport and you still must cough up the mundane toll, it don't matter the nature of your limbs or the number of eyethings, pay up slob, or get to work mopping the decks! Fortunately...

Fortunately.....the Aliens come from Sweden, and the UFO is subsidized by the government....so it's free. Unfortunately...

The entertainment booked for the trip is the late 1970's J-Pop duo, Pink Lady, who perform their chart topping hit, UFO, for hours on end. Fortunately...

Fortunately ....... you were slipped a pair of earplugs by the intersellar spy.....No....not the G-man......but his evil sidekick....Nymtoc.....Unfortunately....

...the earplugs are defective (like most of Nymtoc's products), and the sound comes through so deafeningly you can hardly stand it. Fortunately...

Fortunately, the Galactic Bureau of Nymtocpoops is investigating to make sure he/she/it, isn't committing fraud. Unfortunately .....

...the Bureau's chief investigator, Armydoofus, is on the take, and anything he/she/it comes up with is based strictly on how much money he/she/it can get out of it. Fortunately...

CDSinus realizes that those were noseplugs instead of earplugs and uses them to stem the unabating product of his spring allergies. Unfortunately...

Unfortunately, now he has to dispose of that nasal product and no one will give him a toxic waste disposal license. Fortunately...

the toilet on board the spacecraft is a vaccuum flush into outer space, and the noseplugs are small enough to fit the mini alien poop evacuator. Unfortunately...

Unfortunately snot expands in the vacuum of space, so now the mini alien poop evacuator is plugged up and the mini aliens have nowhere to poop. Fortunately...

much like desert spiders, they can survive for seven years without eating, giving them ample time to reach their home planet and summon a mini plumber. Unfortunately...