Anyone know about the police?

ad_lucem

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I'm pretty sure they have rules against the abuse of services. Don't they?

Gah, I'm putting my mother's phone numbers on "block" on the home phone and via my cell carrier. She was on block during her last looney spell. I unblocked her while she was being nice and behaving, but now it's back to "block"...should probably leave it that way indefinitely.

She called here at about 7am and left a message saying that if I didn't pick up she'd call the police on me.

She's always going to call the police on somebody. And she has in the past, too, just for shits and giggles.

Of course, we've also called the police on her. For stalking my husband and for stalking the kids at school (yes, she was following him around in her car...creeped him the hell out...and then sitting across the street staring at the kids on the playground...freaked the kids out) and for beating my grandmother (who, of course, when officers showed up said she "fell"...oy).

Right now my phone voicemail box on both phone lines are filled with a mixture of threats, normal messages, and crying.

Gahhhhhhhhh.... I hate her mental illness. I also hate that no one will back me in petitioning her for treatment or any of it.
 

ad_lucem

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Um, now might be the time to consult with an attorney.

My husband keeps insisting it will eventually get to that point. He's actually been collecting all of the insane voicemail messages on tape for the last several years. The screaming, the crying, the threats, the rambling accusations about poisoning the kids with mercury by feeding them fish thereby causing them to have tantrums or...something like that :crazy:

And there were reports filed after the stalking incident stuff. It was my understanding that an officer spoke with her and asked her to respect our space. The officer actually caught her in the act of following him around. So, it's all documented.

I'd rather it not come to that, though. I doubt a restraining order would change her behavior much, anyway. When she's like this, she literally thinks she's queen of the world and can do/say anything she pleases with impunity.

Fun :(
 

ad_lucem

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Yep, it may be time for attorneys and officers.

Yuck. I feel for you. ((HUG))

I'm trying to leave it at just blocking the calls for now. If officers do show up because she's told them some wild story and she's "just concerned for my wellfare" I'll explain it and play the messages back for them.

My husband said I might e-mail her just reminding her I want to be left alone, but I told him I'm not going to call or e-mail in response to her "I'll call the police" absurdity. It just validates her odd behavior and therefore makes it worse to deal with in the long run.

She has *always* been this way. I lived with my aunt and uncle for a while as a teen and I literally had an "escape plan" for the times mom would show up unannounced.

Of course, looking back, I get upset because despite all of it...everyone covered for her in my family of origin. Always "keep it in the family".

I don't have money for the attorney fees, but she is getting worse it seems :( I can't imagine how looney things will get when my grandmother passes away.
 

lucidzfl

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You don't need an attorney for a restraining order, and they're free, and immediate.

Just go to the courthouse. They last for 30 days and expire if you decide not to pursue it.

To answer your question, calling the cops for no reason IS illegal, but usually not prosecuted on the first time. Let her call the cops 2 or 3 times and she's going to get fined or in more trouble.
 

Sweetleaf

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I'm glad to hear your husband is collecting the messages, that's important.

I don't know what the public health system is like in America (Oh that's right! you don't have a real public health system!;)) but is there an agency that deals with public mental health that you can go to? Maybe it's time for the men in the white coats to come and take her away...

Good luck! :Hug2:
 

ad_lucem

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I'm glad to hear your husband is collecting the messages, that's important.

I don't know what the public health system is like in America (Oh that's right! you don't have a real public health system!;)) but is there an agency that deals with public mental health that you can go to? Maybe it's time for the men in the white coats to come and take her away...

Good luck! :Hug2:

LOL...yeah, and I don't think we'll be getting one any time soon, either.

But anyways... yes, it is possible to petition someone into treatment. I've discussed this with my aunt. Because, as it stands, my mother has a doctorate in psychology and spent her career (when she worked) working with the local protective agencies (mainly CPS).

My grandmother would vouch for her (although, I'm not sure how far that would go--given the stage of alzheimer's). And my aunt (and uncle) don't really want to "go there", either.

So, I'd be the only person calling for her treatment and, very likely, would have everyone else saying the opposite of everything I might say. I'm not sure how far my husband's "Crazy Lady's Greatist Hits" mix tape would go to proving anything to the contrary.
 

ad_lucem

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What state do you live in?

In Florida we have something called a Baker act.

You may have something similar where you live. Look up court ordered mental health examination.

http://www.clerk.co.okeechobee.fl.us/Baker_act.htm

I'm in Arizona and there are ways to have someone petitioned into involuntary treatment.

I've contended for YEARS that this needs to happen. But, whenever I've made so much as a peep to "authorities" about my mother's illness, everyone in the family has stood up to bold-faced lie about her mental instability.

Typically, the result is that I look like the nutjob and she looks like the outstanding citizen.

ETA: Spoke to my aunt recently who is convinced there is absolutely nothing "we can do to help" and "it will just have to end in a big tragedy/catastrophe". Translation: "Nope, sorry, still not going there."
 
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lucidzfl

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I'm in Arizona and there are ways to have someone petitioned into involuntary treatment.

I've contended for YEARS that this needs to happen. But, whenever I've made so much as a peep to "authorities" about my mother's illness, everyone in the family has stood up to bold-faced lie about her mental instability.

Typically, the result is that I look like the nutjob and she looks like the outstanding citizen.

I guess I don't quite understand. In Florida, if someone's baker acted, no one goes around to the family to ask if she's ok. They have a court ordered psych exam. Family testimony doesn't enter into it.

Are you worried that if you push it the rest of the family will be upset with you?

If not, go the restraining order or court order route. Do not even BOTHER with the cops, they are farking useless.
 

som1luvsmi

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If she's a former psychologist, she might be able to fake her way through a psyche exam.

Crazy people are often very clever and if she knows what they look for, there's a good chance she could fake her way to passing it.

Which would be where the recordings could come into play I suppose...

(((Hugs))) Ad. I have a MIL with MPD and it's wreaked havoc on my hubby. Mental illness sucks for everyone involved.
 

ad_lucem

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If she's a former psychologist, she might be able to fake her way through a psyche exam.

Crazy people are often very clever and if she knows what they look for, there's a good chance she could fake her way to passing it.

Which would be where the recordings could come into play I suppose...

(((Hugs))) Ad. I have a MIL with MPD and it's wreaked havoc on my hubby. Mental illness sucks for everyone involved.

NAILED IT! Yes, this is exactly the problem. That, and I promise the family would come to her defense--no matter HOW wrong they know she is. I've seen it so many times.

I can promise you, I've seen her in action. She goes batshit crazy in front of me and the family...then out in the world, people think she's smart and kind. No one would believe it.

In fact, I recall one time I had to be in the hospital over my pregnancy with my second child. I warned everyone NOT to let anyone know where my eldest was and to watch out for my mom.

Well, they'd met her, and thought I was full of crap. Then she showed her full colors while my guy was over there for the evening. StepMIL was scared spitless. She told me afterward "Oh my God, I had no idea."

I remember once she was trying to run me down with her car in a back alley in Phoenix. this was after I'd run away following a beating as a kid (btw, was never reported missing or runaway).

It was in the middle of the night and I just started screaming my head off "She's trying to kill me!!" trying to get someone's attention to call the cops. Finally, someone did. My mom talked to the cops. The one cop laughed at me. He said I must be some kind of spoiled brat who just didn't get her way and ran off.

I begged them not to send me home with her. I told them I'd rather go to jail. The cop laughed harder. Like I hadn't been worse places and living on the street for a week?

Thank God the other cop had a brain and realized that my mom hadn't reported me missing in the week I'd been gone on the streets and he didn't feel comfortable sending me home with her. They called my aunt who came down and let me stay with her a while.

But, nope, no one believed me.

She's convincing. If you really see "that side of her" you know she's not well. But, most people never see it. My husband didn't believe me either until the night she went off like a powder keg on him.
 

Sweetleaf

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It just occured to me that I have a friend in a similar situation.

Her sister is a mental health case worker, and they had her committed last year. She was causing all kind of problems through her paranoia, and she would rant on about how the cat was trying to kill her daughter and stuff. My friend left her ipod on the coffee recording one time while she was going on.

I can't remember what happened, I think she called the police saying her father was trying to kill her or something and she was ordered to undergo a psychiatric assessment. The doctor spoke to the family afterwards, saying she had been perfectly lucid and normal during the asessment, and my friend took out her recording. The doctor was like 'Oh, okay."

She was hospitalised in a secure facility for a month or two, and has been fine since getting treatment. And now, if she goes off the rails agin, they have a record of previous incidents, so it won't be so hard on the family next time.

I think the recording could make a world of difference.
 

ad_lucem

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I guess I don't quite understand. In Florida, if someone's baker acted, no one goes around to the family to ask if she's ok. They have a court ordered psych exam. Family testimony doesn't enter into it.

Are you worried that if you push it the rest of the family will be upset with you?

If not, go the restraining order or court order route. Do not even BOTHER with the cops, they are farking useless.

No, not really. I just know that, asked or not, they'd stand up for her and do everything humanly possible to discredit anything I might say.

In private, they know she's nuts and are scared of her. In public, it's a family matter and no one but family is allowed to know about it.

And as a psycho..logist..she would probably pass with flying colors. I know her. She's nuttier than a Payday candybar and yet she worked the mental hospital and CPS as one of the people in charge for nearly 20 years.

Just because someone is crazy doesn't mean they're stupid.
 

ad_lucem

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It just occured to me that I have a friend in a similar situation.

Her sister is a mental health case worker, and they had her committed last year. She was causing all kind of problems through her paranoia, and she would rant on about how the cat was trying to kill her daughter and stuff. My friend left her ipod on the coffee recording one time while she was going on.

I can't remember what happened, I think she called the police saying her father was trying to kill her or something and she was ordered to undergo a psychiatric assessment. The doctor spoke to the family afterwards, saying she had been perfectly lucid and normal during the asessment, and my friend took out her recording. The doctor was like 'Oh, okay."

She was hospitalised in a secure facility for a month or two, and has been fine since getting treatment. And now, if she goes off the rails agin, they have a record of previous incidents, so it won't be so hard on the family next time.

I think the recording could make a world of difference.

That's good, because we have lottttttttttttttttts of phone messages from the last several years.

Really, I just want to be left alone anymore...and that's about it.

It's nice and quiet since I blocked the phones and no officers have shown up. She probably thinks if she called our police station that they already know her anyway LOL from her little stalking adventure.
 

lucidzfl

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No, not really. I just know that, asked or not, they'd stand up for her and do everything humanly possible to discredit anything I might say.

In private, they know she's nuts and are scared of her. In public, it's a family matter and no one but family is allowed to know about it.

And as a psycho..logist..she would probably pass with flying colors. I know her. She's nuttier than a Payday candybar and yet she worked the mental hospital and CPS as one of the people in charge for nearly 20 years.

Just because someone is crazy doesn't mean they're stupid.

Well then is there any reason to still have her in your or your families life?

You can always do a restraining order. Just get it, screw the psyche exam and tell her to go fuck herself.

If you can't do that, and you can't get her to be proven as mentally unfit, you realize there is absolutely nothing an attorney can do right? Keeping the tapes is a good start, but you really don't need to pay anyone for this.

Take the tapes to the county courthouse and at the very least she can be picked up for harrasment. And its free.

Btw, I really do know a lot about this stuff, my wife's ex stalked her and did all kinds of ridiculous shit. To be honest, I wanted a letter drafted from an attorney as a cease and desist to the ex, threatening further action... I went through ten attourneys and no one even returned my call. Eventually one finally told me its too inexpensive and pointless and no one cares. Just take your evidence to the district attorney's office, they do the rest.
 

ad_lucem

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Well then is there any reason to still have her in your or your families life?

You can always do a restraining order. Just get it, screw the psyche exam and tell her to go fuck herself.

If you can't do that, and you can't get her to be proven as mentally unfit, you realize there is absolutely nothing an attorney can do right? Keeping the tapes is a good start, but you really don't need to pay anyone for this.

Take the tapes to the county courthouse and at the very least she can be picked up for harrasment. And its free.

Btw, I really do know a lot about this stuff, my wife's ex stalked her and did all kinds of ridiculous shit. To be honest, I wanted a letter drafted from an attorney as a cease and desist to the ex, threatening further action... I went through ten attourneys and no one even returned my call. Eventually one finally told me its too inexpensive and pointless and no one cares. Just take your evidence to the district attorney's office, they do the rest.

No, there really isn't. She's horribly toxic. The sad thing is, she can be (or at least play the role of) a really nice person from time to time. I'm perfectly pathological when it comes to wanting family and to feel a part of family and make everything "better"/"fix things".

I guess I'll be headed back to counseling. I go in and out of this. I stop talking to her for months, feel MUCH better, then she calls being nice and I say "I'll give her a chance"...and then it devolves into the same crap all over again.

Yep. Blocking the number. Back to counseling. Yes, a restraining order is probably in order, but it won't do any good if I keep allowing it back. Good to know they don't require an attorney.

Yep. Counseling... probably will be in counseling for the rest of my life at this rate.
 

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ad_lucem - I'm sorry, but clearly, she is nuttier than a fruitcake. You need to cut ties, my friend.

This back and forth thing: that way lies madness.

Hell, I'd move and not tell her or the rest of the family where I live, they aren't the ones being stalked.

Hugs, ok?
 

lucidzfl

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No, there really isn't. She's horribly toxic. The sad thing is, she can be (or at least play the role of) a really nice person from time to time. I'm perfectly pathological when it comes to wanting family and to feel a part of family and make everything "better"/"fix things".

I guess I'll be headed back to counseling. I go in and out of this. I stop talking to her for months, feel MUCH better, then she calls being nice and I say "I'll give her a chance"...and then it devolves into the same crap all over again.

Yep. Blocking the number. Back to counseling. Yes, a restraining order is probably in order, but it won't do any good if I keep allowing it back. Good to know they don't require an attorney.

Yep. Counseling... probably will be in counseling for the rest of my life at this rate.

The way a restraining order works is you can ask for an immediate restraining order. This prevents any and all contact. It is active for thirty days from the moment you request it.

FWIW, The courts take the restraining order stuff VERY, VERY seriously, thats why they are instant. They don't want someone to have to deal with bureaucracy if they're being harassed.

At the end of the thirty days, a people's court is held. You or a familial representative show up and present your case, evidence, etc. If they show up, they present their side. (Most of the time, unless there are extenuating circumstances, say, its the father of the children etc, the Judge will rule in favor. Because why bother risking a potential future crime after escalation.) If the defendant DOESNT show up, then the restraining order goes into effect with whatever reasonable demands the plaintiff makes.

I am not a lawyer, this is not legal advice :)

If you decide to seriously think about the restraining order, its probably a good idea to research them in your state and put together a letter, postmarked that you send to her, alerting her that you're going to proceed down that path, and that at that point she loses ALL ability to contact you or your family.

That might scare her straight.

If you've sent it through the mail you also have proof that you tried to resolve the issue outside of the courts.

ETA: Even having to deal with this shit completely sucks. My ex was threatened, my tires were slashed, my car was keyed, he called and texted at 3 am, threatened to break into our home, etc. But it was early in our relationship and she was still scared of him. SHe was convinced if she ignored him long enough, he'd go away. When he started sending snail mail with newspaper clippings though, thats when I realized it wasn't going away.
 

ad_lucem

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ad_lucem - I'm sorry, but clearly, she is nuttier than a fruitcake. You need to cut ties, my friend.

This back and forth thing: that way lies madness.

Hell, I'd move and not tell her or the rest of the family where I live, they aren't the ones being stalked.

Hugs, ok?

That's pretty much what my husband wants to do. :roll:He's wanted that for a looooooooooooong time.

I've said it before, myself, but never really got up the nerve to actually DO it.

I have had to move the kids to different schools after my mother called and impersonated me to talk to the principal about my kids. It was kind of surreal. I called the school and the lady said, "Didn't I just speak with you? Did you forget something?" "No, this is the first time I've called today." "No, you just called to speak with the principal not five minutes ago. I remember." "No, I didn't." "I transfered you myself." "I'm not so sure it was me." "Well, it sounded like you and went by your name."

Then, later, I think they called my husband to inquire what was going on.

Yeah, that's definitely an option we've considered over the years.

Stupid as it is, this is a major emotional hurdle for me.
 

Sweetleaf

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Stupid as it is, this is a major emotional hurdle for me.

That's not stupid. That's not even surprising.

She's your mother. Of course it's a major emotional hurdle. Cutting out someone that raised you and is supposed to love and care for you unconditionally for life (not matter how piss-poor an attempt they made at it) is always going to be hard. Especially if she has moments of normality.

But this is how these people feed. They're vampires. They survive by sucking the life out of those close to them. And they specialise at keeping in contact with a food source.

I really wish you luck, and I hope you manage to break free of it. :Hug2: