"Don't give it to your Mom."

Actually my mom is a huge help. She is a tell it like it is type (Has no problem telling me something sucks) PLUS she is really good at editing. (She even reads my erotica stuff!)

Dave Willhoite said:

Hi,

One of the recurring bits of advice that I read on blogs and writing guides is "Don't give it to your Mom."

I know that most mom's love their kids very much, are not professional editors, and don't actually have much knowledge of the publishing world. This means that they probably can't give you helpful advice, and that they can potentially give you damaging input.

Is there some other reason that I have not yet discovered?

Dave

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You pretty much nailed it. The best critiques come from unbiased sources that have some experience with writing and editing. This is, for most of us, not our moms.

Then I should give it to my dad.

I'm a mom, and the pain of telling my kid he or she hadn't written the perfect story would nearly kill me. I don't want them to give it to me.

Two things:

Moms can be too subjective, even when they're trying not to.

Also, sometimes sub-consciously, sons and daughters try to please them. If Mom doesn't like the writing for some reason or other and says so, feelings can get hurt. The ms. might be tossed in a drawer due to feelings of "not good enough."

Only show the work (if you are so inclined) once it's published.

I have to say that I show everything of mine to my mother. She may not be the world's best speller, but she has an eye for what's good and she is perhaps the most honest person I know. She always tells me when something isnt quite up to snuff, and that just makes me work harder to fix it.

Oh an my g-ma is an even better editor! She makes notes in the margins when she reads for me. I absolutely trust her judgment when it comes to spelling, verb tense, grammar, etc.

I gave my mom my first two completed novels. The very first I know sucked, and she didn't really say anything more than, "It was good. I could tell it's your first, but it's good." The second one, I'm very proud of, and all I got was "It was good."

The third one I can't give to her for different reasons - she would not appreciate the swearing.

My mother is no longer of this earth, but if she were, I'd give my stories to her. She had a degree in English and a Masters in library science, and she was a librarian by occupation. She was also a voracious reader of fiction and poetry. But I wouldn't give them to her expecting any kind of editorial or critique-type feedback. I'd just hope that she would enjoy them.

I didn't start writing fiction until Mom was gone, and I'd give anything to be able to hand her copies of my books.

It isn't just your mom, it's any family, and generally, any friends. Subjectivity is part of it, not being willing to tell you the hard truth is part of it, but most of it is they almost certainly have no clue what it takes to make something publishable. The very things they tell you to change may be the very things that make your work stand out.

Being a voracious reader doesn't mean anything. Neither does a degree. Neither does subjectivity, for that matter. What matters is knowing exactly what it is that makes a piece of writing publishable. Not good, not bad, but publishable.

I agree with lots of you guys here, but my mom is a scientists and a PHD so she helps me so much with the logic of the story. If it was not for her I would be doomed. lol. She also never tells me that a bad part is good she just says "Hmm, maybe you could add this or remove that and than it will be good" So I always take advice from mom

MOST moms either don't want to hurt feelings, or actually do believe everything their children do is brilliant. So they aren't good sources of useful feedback.

There are some exceptions.

My own mom really hates to read, so I know I can give her a manuscript and let her read it; wherever she loses interest and stops reading is where I've done something wrong, and I need to work on that section of the ms. She's quite useful in that respect.

My mom is extremely supportive over the fact that I write. All of my family is for that matter.

They don't understand why I'm not the next great fluffy happy feel good writer. My family was of course the first to see my first piece. I was very young when I wrote it. But I couldn't show them my work now, it's far too dark for their tastes and they'd be left wondering where they went wrong with me.

That being said, it was never constructive or helpful toward becoming a better writer other than they believe in me and that I have the abilities to eventually make it.

If your family and friends are your only source, be aware you're getting an extremely slanted opinion and it'll in no way prepare you for the big mean world of rejections, editors, and bad reviews.

icerose said:

My mom is extremely supportive over the fact that I write. All of my family is for that matter....

That being said, it was never constructive or helpful toward becoming a better writer other than they believe in me and that I have the abilities to eventually make it.

....it'll in no way prepare you for the big mean world of rejections, editors, and bad reviews.

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Exactly. My mother was extremely supportive of my writing and well-educated. She knew how to compose a beautiful story or compelling essay. BUT...she was my mother. Whether it seems so or not, most mothers tend to be more subjective than objective. She read my writings after they were published.

..

I wouldn't let my mother see anything of mine, even if she was still alive. She would find some way to make me feel rotten about it.

There's moms, and...moms.

Jamesaritchie said:

Being a voracious reader doesn't mean anything. Neither does a degree. Neither does subjectivity, for that matter. What matters is knowing exactly what it is that makes a piece of writing publishable. Not good, not bad, but publishable.

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But even professional agents and editors don't always know what's publishable. If there was an actual rule for what's publishable then no bestseller would ever have been rejected and there would be no point in continuing to submit after you get a rejection. There's no such thing as an 'objective' reader, including people in the industry. We all have our own tastes, likes, and dislikes. The only way to know that a book is publishable is to have it published and then sell enough copies that they want your next book too.

To answer the OP, I let my mom read everything I write. She's as good a beta reader as anyone, and definitely isn't afraid to tell me something sucks.

Dave Willhoite said:

Is there some other reason that I have not yet discovered?

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Best reason of all: she can buy her own copy like everybody else.

No matter how much I insist to my mother, she will only read the first paragraph and say "that's really good, honey" and think that's enough.

My mom is gone, too. But she'd say anything was good

My dad? He's been telling me like it is since I came out of the womb. I finlly figured out what that's good for! He reads every single day; I couldn't even count how many books he's read. Believe me, that does matter. There are parts we kind of skip because of genre, where we both agree that he's not the one to ask in any depth. But he's my main guy to tell me if it flows and grips and is interesting to a general reader. That's 90% of what I want to know.

I sometimes don't like critiques from people who are writers themselves. They often are too self-aware, and base their critiques on what is "supposed" to work, rather than approaching the material naturally and seeing if it actually works or not.

I like well-read non-writers when it comes to beta-ing. Like my mom

I love my mommy and she loves me, so I know that anything I do she will tell me that 'it's great!' even though I hear the heavy weight of disapproval in her voice.

So, to combat that, when I give her something to read, I preface it with 'it's ok if you don't like it'. I have it in my mindset that if she has something constructive to say, at least to listen to her because it might be valid. If she says 'it's great!' in That Voice, I grin and know that what I write may not be for her and trust my beta reader to tell me where I'm falling flat.

But to any end, she will always be supportive of my writing (whether she thinks I suck or not) and that is the biggest boon of all.

I resent what you people are saying about not giving stuff to your mom. My mom is a tell it like it is person. She says it is good, but at the same time says x needs improvement. I realize it has long been conditioned to think that the people closested to you make the worst criticks. This isn't so. well, at least not in all cases.

AllyWoof said:

I resent what you people are saying about not giving stuff to your mom. My mom is a tell it like it is person. She says it is good, but at the same time says x needs improvement. I realize it has long been conditioned to think that the people closested to you make the worst criticks. This isn't so. well, at least not in all cases.

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AllyWoof, I'm not sure which "you people" you're taking issue with, although I think I understand why. Your experiences, which sound wonderful and you are lucky, are not everyone elses.

Which is pretty evident by the wide expression of experiences and opinions Dave_Willhoite is getting in response to his question.