I tend to avoid talking to strangers, but in my last job I had to talk with loads of people all day long. My boss suggested I go out into the workplace, not as myself, but playing a role, like an actor. I play the role of someone who's just as nice and charming competent as I am, but who enjoys initiating contact and meeting strangers and talking to them. I told myself I had to play this role because I'd gotten a job that demanded it. I may not be able to be outgoing, but I can play an outgoing person in real life. It sounds sort of cheesy, but it totally works for me.
No, not cheesy at all. I believe that each of us are really a compilation of different people, in certain situations we will 'change' into whatever person is most appropriate (i.e. you are a certain type of yourself at work vs. a certain type of yourself with your friends vs. a certain type of yourself with your significant other etc. etc.) So you just develop a certain 'type' of yourself for dealing with people in public.
Break yourself into it by just smiling and saying hi to perfect strangers. If there's a guard at the gate at work, say hi. How about the grocery store checker? Or a sales clerk. Even someone juggling food in the elevator is an opportunity to check with them and see if they someone to push the elevator button. Then work your way up to adding something else to the conversation like commenting on the great price of something, the rainstorm that just erupted outside, etc.
Don't talk shop. That sounds like an odd one, but you'd be surprised how freeing it is. Not only that, if they bring a subject up (i.e., "What are you writing?"), then you know they're interested. Better still, if you come without any expections and are just friendly and pleasant to be around, people will always remember you.
Try Toastmasters also. Nothing like giving speeches to an audience to help work your way into networking. There are clubs around the world, so you shouldn't have trouble finding one that suits you.
Lots of good stuff (bolding mine). Some of this is cultural. I'm southern raised, and in the South, you are friendly, you say hi to everyone, you say goodmorning, etc.
You'd be amazed how well people respond to a handshake, a smile, and a 'hello how are you' that seems sincere. You would not believe how many walls i've broken down by just being friendly, smiling, looking people in the eyes, showing respect. THere is a certain 'energy' to that behavior and that energy makes people warm to you.
Here is the challenge for today. WHen you are out and about in your day, strike up a random conversation with a complete stranger.
For instance, i'm standing in line at Walmart and I'm putting together this idea I have for parents. I notice a woman standing behind me and I can tell she is a mom. Someone's kid is screaming in the background. I turn to her and say, "You know, it's just not Walmart without some kid lying on the ground screaming his head off for a toy."
She laughs and says something to the effect of yeah. Then I ask her if she has kids, she says yes, then I ask her about them and she is only to happy to tell me, then I ask her advice about some of the stuff i'm putting together for parents (a product) and she is only to happy to give it.
In the whole exchange, I'm warm, friendly, and am making the conversation ALL ABOUT HER. Now, I'm a big 5'11 tall black guy who managed to break the ice with an older white soccer mom. Don't think demographics get much different than that, but I had no problems.
Friendliness, sincerity, confidence, eye contact, and smiles pretty much break down all cultural barriers. This is something you must practice, because people are like animals. They can 'sense' fear, hidden agendas, and insincerity. So just practice being friendly and sincere.
As a writer, i'm always sincere in getting to know people because people are so interesting and great fodder for characters and phrases.
Anyways, you got some great advice above. The only thing I have to say is practice, practice everyday. Every single time you are in line, say hi to someone and strike up a conversation just as practice. Eventually, it will become second nature
Mel...