Over use of possessive pronouns.

Are you sure you are? Sometimes it's hard not to use either the character's name or a pronoun a lot.

Are you writing in first or third person?

In first, instead of saying things like, "I saw the sun come up," lop off the 'I' and simply say, "The sun came up." You're in first person. It's obvious your character saw it.

In third...might be a bit harder to do.

scarletpeaches, noting Maryn used 'she' four times in the above example.

(Sorry...just being mischievous...)

It's all telling - and dull.

Try using a stronger POV. Simply stop and think about how you can say the same thing without using the pronouns. Turn the sentence around -reword it -play with words.

You only need to discover how to do it once.

This question really has nothing to do with grammar.

*Pudge* said:

Somehow she (1) knew it was tonight. She(1) was relieved that it would happen at home. She(2) was so much more content in her own bed. The fitful dreams that had accompanied her(2) hospital stay had significantly reduced since returning home. Of course the odd night she (2) had still been plagued by the nightmares.

The numbers are to represent character 1 and charater 2, I find that sometimes I confuse the reader by not distingushing between the characters sufficiently. When I try to correct this I end up overusing their names.

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When a scene involves one she and one he, you get a special break with the pronouns. Anything else*--two shes, two hes, or more than two chars--requires careful handling to avoid confusion.

Pronouns refer back to the most recently mentioned eligible noun. (Obviously, she isn't referring to tonight or home.) That's the pattern you need to keep in mind.

If the paragraph preceding this was clearly about she(1), you're fine using she in the first two sentences. If there's any doubt about that however, you should use a proper name in the first sentence, but the second is still OK.

You do need to use a proper name at the beginning of the third sentence, "She(2) was so much more..." Following that, though, the pronouns would point at that name, so the remaining her and she are OK.

*Unless you're in 1st person where one of them is I.

scarletpeaches said:

Are you writing in first or third person?

In first, instead of saying things like, "I saw the sun come up," lop off the 'I' and simply say, "The sun came up." You're in first person. It's obvious your character saw it.

In third...might be a bit harder to do.

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Nah. Same principle applies. If you've properly established a consistent narrative POV, you don't need to say "She saw the sun come up" anymore than you need to say "I saw the sun come up."

caw

Dammit, yeah, you got me. Can I excuse myself by saying I was coasting on three hours' sleep when I wrote that?

*scoots away again*

ETA: Actually I think what I meant was, say you have two characters in a chapter, third person. You might have to indicate who saw what, or who is thinking, hence the need for personal pronouns. In first person, there's no need for this because it's clear from the outset - or should be - in whose head you are. If you see what I mean.

Blarg. Still tired. Sorry.

scarletpeaches said:

Dammit, yeah, you got me. Can I excuse myself by saying I was coasting on three hours' sleep when I wrote that?

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No, because the real question we'd all like to see answered is: Why were you coasting on three hours' sleep?

caw

Nothing exciting. Insomnia, that's all. I wish it was something a bit more saucy than that, but no. Bah.

*Pudge* said:

The numbers are to represent character 1 and charater 2, I find that sometimes I confuse the reader by not distingushing between the characters sufficiently. When I try to correct this I end up overusing their names.

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Don't worry about "overusing" a word. Worry about using words clearly.

The problem with that passage isn't that you're using "she" and "her" too often, it's that you're using them to refer to two different people without making clear which person you mean.

If you just drop each person's name in once, then the successive "she" and "her" are assumed to be that person until you introduce a new name.


Somehow Karen knew it was tonight. She was relieved that it would happen at home. Mary was so much more content in her own bed. The fitful dreams that had accompanied her hospital stay had significantly reduced since returning home. Of course the odd night she had still been plagued by the nightmares.

The last sentence is a bit confusing; it's a colloquialism that doesn't translate that well to print.

*Pudge* said:

Hi Guys,

I've been reading through my WIP and have noticed that I am over using 'HER'.
. . . . .
How can I correct this?

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Switch to a male protagonists?

Seriously, the purpose for the development of pronouns, possessive pronouns included, was to reduce the use of proper nouns in speech.

Sounds like you're doing a good job of not overdoing names.

Maryn hits the nail home one more time. Other than "she", "he" or "I" and the likes, overuse of anything else is a big no in fiction. An electic mix of words is the key for success.

scarletpeaches said:

scarletpeaches, noting Maryn used 'she' four times in the above example.

(Sorry...just being mischievous...)

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That's actually commonplace in fiction.

Not if it conveys what you want to get across. Within the context of the story maybe these episodes don't warrant detailed showing.

*Pudge* said:

Thank you all again.

Icecreamprincess - Thank you for your example.

Thinking about what bufty said, is that example too telling?

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