What to do when you have self-doubt?

Aw, Pamster, I know the feeling...

I work on keeping a balance in my life so that writing is not the main event. I've learned not to put all my eggs in the writing basket. Because if I focus too much on being a Great Published Writer, that's too much pressure. Sometimes you have to put it down, step back, so that you can return with a fresh vision.

Also, when it comes to learning how to be a salesperson on paper, have you ever studied copywriting? I suggest reading The Copywriter's Handbook by Robert Bly for tips on how to use marketing language, and slipping into salesperson mode.

Successful sales depends on persistance but also on belief. When you believe in yourself and your writing, then you find the fuel for that query. But it takes a while, hell, does it ever.

I'm always filled with self-doubt. I always feel like giving up. Each rejection is a dagger in my heart that makes me die a little bit more.

But my dream is to be a writer. And the only way that dream will ever come true is if I keep plugging stubbornly away at it.

It I quit, I'll NEVER be a writer. Then on my death bed I'll look back at my life and wonder what could have been.

If I keep at it, at least on my death bed I can say I tried.

To the OP--of course, everyone experiences hits to the confidence. But it only becomes a crisis if you let it. This writing business is a challenge. It's a challenge to finish a novel-length story. It's a challenge to edit that story into its final form. And it's a challenge to pitch it to Agents/Editors. Why cave to the last challenge after rising to the first two (which are the toughtest in my mind)? Suck it up and face the challenge. Get all of the help you need. And get it out there.

Samantha's_Song said:

For me, personally, I know I'm absolute crap at writing queries, and yet I know I have a brilliant story/stories that are worth publishing.
To me, I'm a writer and not a door to door salesman; I'm not a whore who sells her wares, as that's what I equate querying my work to.

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If a writer can write a brilliant novel, he/she should be able to pull the plot, tone, theme, and characterization together in a summary of only a few sentences and make it just as brilliant as the full story. It's not salesmanship in any way. It's part of being a writer. To say a writer has to be a whore to write a brief and interesting summary of his/her brilliant novel is to say a scientist is a whore for having to submit his/her research to scientific journals. All of the brilliant creativity in the world is useless (and totally invisible) if it can't be communicated to an appropriate audience.

Writing queries. I hate it. I am not a natural salesman by nature.

So, in order to become a salesman, what do we have to do in the query? What have I learned from marketers and the ads they get on TV, which only have 30 seconds to get your attention?

I've learned that you have to lie or use half truths* to sell your product. Or use something entirely unrelated to the product, like half-naked women and inferred guarantees of sex.

This message is brought to you by cynical query-writers of the world.

*Cynical query-writers of the world do not endorse the use of lies or half truths to sell your manuscript.

Cranky said:

I just wait for the feeling to pass. It always does.

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Not necessarily.

caw

When I get despondent over lack of progress on the querying front, I sometimes pull out something I've written and read it. I then think, "Wow, this is pretty good stuff."

It helps the ego to knock off a short nonfiction piece and send it out. I don't mean to disparage nonfiction writing, but it's easier to sell. And magazines will actually PAY you for your work. You get the ego massage and, more importantly, a credit to add to your query letters.

Hi Pamster~ interesting you should post this now. I'm going through the exact same thing. I've written what I feel is a compelling story. I truly believe in it and think it would speak to a lot of women out there--moms, especially. But I've rec'd 16 rejections already (not a ton, I know) and I'm feeling like it's not going to see the light of day. Add to this the sad state of publishing right now and I really feel behind the 8-ball. I vent w/my writer's group. None of them have told me to throw in the towel yet and I believe some of them would if I really didn't have talent. They can be brutal w/their critiques. When I'm really low I call my mom and listen to her tell me how great my story is. False reassurance, I know, but sometimes it just helps to hear those words of encouragement from my No. 1 cheerleader.

Wow, what to do with self-doubt. Just recently I got slammed in my critique group. The critique person wrote in the margins that I should, “really proof read my work before coming to group.” Granted, I did but I missed a few (ed's) and I think one sentence should have been fixed in the five pages I submitted.
When I first read the persons comment, I thought someone’s in a bad mood. Then over the weekend she sent another e-mail saying she might have been too harsh but even in the apology she seemed passive aggressive.

I meet with them tonight, talk about showing up and feeling like a loser.

Thanks, I will let you know what happens tonight. But talk about apprehensive. I remembered doing some secretarial work for a guest at a posh hotel. Having typed out her chicken crap, I returned the finished copy when she slammed based me, that I didn’t place two spaces after the period. Being young, I trembled, thinking I had just committed an abomination to the written word.
Wanting to please the guest as well as the infernal god of correspondence, I apologized for the mishap. Then before I left, the ex-debutant went on to say, “I’m surprise this hotel offered such secretarial services and you were unaware of that rule.” Wisdom being a virtue, I now understand that the poor woman’s anger was not directed towards me. But to the fact, that she’d reached a point in her life when her looks no longer gave her fulltime worship and was only seeing 880 yards .
Man that’s a long sentence, I need an editor and an agent!

Querys are a bitch--shrinking 90K words to 90 puts knots in my kidneys--but I need to find that which is the leaf and let that lead to the tree. We peruse books by the one-liner in the New Releases section of the paper or the bookstore ad, or by the blurb on the back cover, we need to learn to bring into concise form the heart of what we've done. I'm trying to accept that as another tool for my writing, it ain't easy, but I'm still writing.

Okay, now my critiqued peer has taken the role as teacher because this week she said my grammar and sentence structure was much improved.

Wow, I don't remember asking to be treated like a ten year old but apparently my once peer has decided to elevate herself to scholar. Maybe next week, I should bring my tea in a baby bottle.

Try to determine if there is any value for you in this person's feedback, regardless of its delivery. If you can learn something from it that will make your writing better, hold your nose and take what you can. If her crits are more nits (everyone misses a typo or two or runs afoul of grammar from time to time, but a manuscript full of them is another story), then take her behavior as a compliment, as you've obviously made her jealous.

Yes, I have been a good girl and will glean what she chooses to mark (in red ink) with grace and decorum. They are nits. Had not thought about the J word. Interesting.

Hey- Pamster

Your Avatar? What IS that? A Lion Fish? Frog?

I had a turtle like that once. He kept hopping out of the tank to take a constitutional.

Ohhh...I see it now. Cool.

Did anyone mention thinking of the front jacket-flap of a book or the back of a book when you're writing your query? It does work. It helps you to focus on what the main idea of your book is and do it in only a few sentences. Queries should be short and to the point, not dragging on and on (you lose the editor or agent who can discern if your ms. is worth looking at). And it should hook the agent at the first sentence about the book.

That's basically how I felt two years ago when I started sending letters to agencies for my first novel, "The Last Rejection." I ended up self publishing it, but I really don't think I'm going to be self publishing novels anymore.

I think my query letter was bad, because I didn't get any requests for my manuscript. I was trying to do the best job writing the letter. It was before I found this forum. But, I'm glad I at least tried. I'll probably will try again once I rewrite "Fallen Raven." I have help this time from an editor friend.

At the end of the day though, you have to have hope. I think it's worth trying.

Whenever I feel doubt, I kick my novel(s) to the curb for a while and do what I do best - short stories.

I also take a breather to see if maybe - just maybe! - the work really isn't as good as it could be and I need to rewrite/revise/listen to crits.

As far as query letters are concerned, I hate doing them, but they must be done! Pretend you're writing a query for some other fabulous work by some other fabulous writer - and go for it. Pull off the modesty glasses and strip down to the shiny stuff an agent wants to see.