Dialogue for Chapter books?

Trish

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I’m confused about how to write dialogue in children’s chapter books.

A retired English teacher who I know, asked me if she could read my manuscript. When I showed it to her she told me that there shouldn’t be a lot of dialect in children’s chapter books. She also told me that when you write dialect, that you should use a new line.

I was under the impression that you only had to use a fresh line if it was someone else speaking. Am I wrong? Or is she wrong? I would have thought that being an English teacher of children, that she must be correct. So when I arrived home I looked in all the chapter books that I own. They all have as much dialect as I use and don’t start a new line for dialect. I want to be sure that I’ve got the correct information. I know I’ll get it right here.

Here is a sample of what she said was wrong:

Pleased with herself, Molly sat Jenny against the wall and grabbed her favourite book. She lay down onto her tummy and opened a page. She pointed to a picture of a rabbit. “Look, Jenny, a bunny. I wish I had one. But Mummy and Daddy won’t let me have a pet.” Molly rested her head on her hands and sighed. “Maybe Mummy will buy me one for my birthday.”

Thank you to anyone who can answer my question.

Trish.
 

regdog

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Writing dialogue in a children's chapter book is like writing it an a regular novel. Each new speaker gets a new line.
 

sissybaby

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Trish - I see no problem with the way you have it. But you might want to break for a new paragraph after "mummy and daddy won't let me have a pet."

I'm certainly not an expert, but I don't think you have a problem with the amount of dialogue you use. It seems consistent with what I've read. The Ramona books have lots of dialogue. I'm reading those at the time.

Sorry if you're receiving conflicting info. I know that doesn't help when you're wanting to do something the write way.
 

Trish

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Thanks, HeaGrg. That's what I thought, but a retired school teacher told me that the dialogue in the above quoted paragraph was wrong and there is no new speaker. Therefore it is right. Is that correct?

Thanks,

Trish.
 

Trish

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Thanks, Sissy. I don't know why that retired school teacher told me that all dialogue should go on a new line. I'm glad it's not the case.

I agree, Sissy. That paragraph is a bit long. I did that because my hook was at the very end of the first page and I didn't want it to go to page two. Does that make sense?

Trish.
 

MsJudy

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I wonder what books your friend has been reading....

Arnold Lobel (Frog and Toad, Mouse Tales), Else Holmelund Minarik (Little Bear) and James Marshall (Fox in Love, Three by the Sea) are probably the ruling masters of Early Reader books, and they have almost nothing but dialogue in many of their stories! What they leave out is all but the most minimal description and action--only what is absolutely needed to move the plot forward. So what you mostly hear when you read it out loud are the voices of the characters.

Your example paragraph is correct, and just fine for your target readers. Thank your friend sweetly and don't let her read any more of your books until they are in print.
 

C.J. Rockwell

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I wonder what books your friend has been reading....

So do I…

Arnold Lobel (Frog and Toad, Mouse Tales), Else Holmelund Minarik (Little Bear) and James Marshall (Fox in Love, Three by the Sea) are probably the ruling masters of Early Reader books, and they have almost nothing but dialogue in many of their stories! What they leave out is all but the most minimal description and action--only what is absolutely needed to move the plot forward. So what you mostly hear when you read it out loud are the voices of the characters.[/quote]

I've read a couple of the authors listed above and I wonder, "How do they do it?" Whenever I attempt that, I either end up with an overly complicated mess, or I end up with something so heavily fragmented that it's not really a story.

Your example paragraph is correct, and just fine for your target readers. Thank your friend sweetly and don't let her read any more of your books until they are in print.

I agree completely.

Someone told me similar advice a couple years ago, but I later learned that was wrong, and I was so glad it was.

I knew when I read this thread I had to reply since I've been there (Still am in some ways).

I think you're figuring out as I have how to be selective about the advice you get, and selective about the advice you actually decide to follow. In the beginning, I took all advice equally and seriously, because I knew next to nothing about the craft.

Now I know what advice is sound for what I'm working on, and what's simply way off the mark, my query letter saga showed me that.

We’re both lucky there are knowledgeable writers like JSK on AW to set us straight and who know of what they speak.

Hang in there, Trish, I know I am.
 

Trish

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Thank you, Judy. I always know you'll come up with the correct answer. I told this woman that I had expert advice by a school teacher. But she wouldn't agree with me. So I took back my manuscript and told her I would find out for sure. You're right, Judy. I will just show her the finished product. (Hehe. I'm thinking positive.)

Hey, CJ, Yes I know what you mean. I've had people tell me to do things one way and then someone else tell me to do it another way. I'm the sort of person that listens to everyone. But then later I'll go and reverse things again. It's so time consuming, but all part of the learning process. I've learnt to follow my instincts with whom to listen to, and to go to the top for advice. (Here that, Judy? Top! You're tops!)

Thanks everyone,

Trish.
 

Symphony

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Hi Trish,

Conflicting advice is so tricky to deal with when you're on the learning end, isn't it? I think you're right by the taking the advice of people here instead of the teacher you were talking to. I have to say that, after 'correcting' much of the homework questions my kids are sent home with, I wouldn't trust a teacher to really know how to write anyway (bearing in mind that a lot of them can't spell any more, either)! Go with your instincts - and the advice of 'writers'!

I totally agree with everyone here. Chapter books are packed with dialogue - and should be. The only thing I'm questioning is about the start of a new paragraph. I wonder if she simply thought that the initial dialogue should be on a new line? Personally, I would have started a new line when she began speaking - but what on earth do I know? haha I mean that! And again - I honestly think that different publishing houses will probably have their own ideas on this one and will edit accordingly.

You go, girl. I'd be tempted to simply send her a copy of your newly-published Molly stories, wrapped and with an accompanying note with absolutely no punctuation at all!!! (but then, I'm evil!!)

symphony
xx
 

PennStater

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You're right, she's wrong. Writers write, teachers teach - only we're not sure what they know.
 

Trish

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Thanks, Symphony. The teacher that I spoke to is a retired teacher. She thought that she was helping me. I appreciate that. But, I'm glad that she was wrong.

Some teachers are quite knowledgable with children's writing. She taught children so I don't know how she got it so wrong. I suppose that it's the same in all walks of life.

Anyway, thank you every one for clearing that up for me. I'm happy that I don't have to change my whole manuscript.

I always listen to Judy (JudScotKev) because not only is she a writer, but she teaches little children too. You couldn't get better advice then that. What a great job that would be.

Trish.
 

Toothpaste

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Sadly one of the things many teachers don't know is grammar. In English speaking countries we rarely learn our own grammar which is very odd but true. My father, an ex-highschool english teacher, was one of the few teachers who actually taught it to his classes. Now he teaches a class at the university for prospective english teachers. The crazy thing is many of the students find it frustrating that he teachers them how to teach grammar when the other teacher who teaches the same course doesn't. Very odd.

My point with this is sort of in defense a bit of teachers. Teachers usually know their stuff, but when it comes to the english language, sadly many are not as well educated in it as with other subject matter.
 

Trish

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That is quite sad though, Toothpaste. But it's great that your father is teaching. There is hope!

While we are on the subject of the English language, I must say that when I first came here in May 2007, I couldn't write at all. I had ideas in my head but I couldn't spell and my punctuation was dreadful. It still is. I didn't know how to format my sentences at all.

I have learnt more on AW then I ever learnt at school. Which was my own fault I guess, but, not totally. I was ill and missed about six months of school at the age of seven. When I went back, I was so far behind and nobody noticed. I could read but I couldn't write very well.

Because I was embarrassed that I couldn't keep up with the other children, I became the class clown and got sent outside the classroom. That was where I spent most of my school days. No teacher ever took me aside and taught me anything. I left school at the age of fourteen and got a job in the office of a well know typewriter company. They gave me one of their typewriters to practice typing on. I never looked back. It was an old Stott and Underwood typewriter. I decided that day that I wanted to write.

Why did it take me so long? Because I couldn't spell. Then along came computers. Yey! Spell & Grammar check. I bought my first computer in May 2007. That was the day that I found AW. And I'm so happy I did. I've learned to write because there are so many wonderful people that give people great advice on this site.

Thank you all very much. And thank you AW.

I feel better now.

Trish.
 
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