Mmmmm, Mojito.
:hic:
wazza haggish? I know him?
:hic:
I dum member.
:falls off seat:
INT. BUS - MID MORNING
A flattened HAGGIS somehow slithers through a cracked window,
and falls onto the floor, next to a passed-out SOCCER MOM. He grabs SOCCER MOM's right thumb, sticks it in his mouth, then blows hard, thereby re-inflating himself. He sits up, and looks around for his mortal enemy, ROLLING THUNDER.
HAGGIS's eyes roam around the bus. He follows them, then puts them back
in his eye sockets. Then he notices ROLLING THUNDER, at the back of the bus, furiously pounding the keys on his laptop.
HAGGIS
Randomly banning nOObs again, RT?
ROLLING THUNDER
You! I thought I killed you.
HAGGIS
You wish. You don't have what it takes to do me in.
ROLLING THUNDER
We'll see about that.
(to be continued)
Like I said, great script - you just need to change everything.
Haggis, baby! Love the script, love it!!
Just a couple of notes.
The bus thing works really well. Really. But our research shows people don't like public transport, could this be some sort of stretch limo or better, a private fun-time jet?
We're losing our core 18-30 demographic - can you increase rap dogginess by 15%?
This Rolling Thunder character isn't working for me. Could he be some sort of monkey-side-kick instead?
You need a twist before the end of the scene. Can you include a plot detail that comes out of the blue and changes everything that comes before it but still be in line with the story we're trying to tell? That'd be great!
We're slating this for a Summer 2009 release, can you draft me different versions to include potential sponsorship from Pepsi, McDonald's and Budweiser?
Like I said, great script - you just need to change everything.
I gotta claim a little artistic integrity here, right? Heh, heh.
But where's my character? What'm I doing?
And what's my billing?
But where's my character? What'm I doing?
And what's my billing?
This place scares me.
Clock, my friend. I couldn't agree more. Why, moments after I hit the "submit" button, I was saying the same things to myself. So, consider it done.
FWIW, I completely agree about the ROLLING THUNDER Character. Even the peeps in my crit group said he was unbelievable, and that nobody could be that evil. I'm thinking of having him fall out of his bass boat and drown in scene two. Picture this: the whole gang standing around the lake cheering while RT struggles and struggles, then finally slips below the waves. Let me know.
Oh. And about the Budweiser thing? It's great. It's perfect. I wouldn't change a thing. Except for maybe using Bass Ale instead of Bud. Perhaps a nice German. What do you say? I gotta claim a little artistic integrity here, right? Heh, heh.
But where's my character? What'm I doing?
And what's my billing?
I'm right here, but I don't know where stars and stunts are. I swear, I haven't seen them.Story, stars, stunts, I want it all. Let's get this turkey greenlit.
clockwork said:I'm promoting you to Head of Comedy!
Rule no 1: There are no rules!
*kills Mr. Clockwork in the study with a candle holder, pockets the 140 million*
Why don't we start over? I've got $140 million to spend on a summer blockbuster next year and I'm taking pitches/loglines for AW: The Movie.
*kills Mr. Clockwork in the study with a candle holder, pockets the 140 million*