need another hug

So, a string walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, can I getcha something to drink?" The string says no, "I'm a frayed knot."

Maybe I should have just went with a hug...

Here's one

A great big hug for you Alanna, and a big cup of tea, a soft blanket, and a place to curl up with a good book.

Take good care,
Chacounne

What did the carpet say to the floor?

"Don't move -- I've got you covered!!!"



(I crack myself up.)

Um...hello?

Hello?

Is this thing on?

I'm not really good with coming up with jokes good or bad. So I'll give ya a hug instead

An awful joke

During the days of the Cold War, an important Communist Party official, Rudolf Rudinsky, is walking with his wife in Moscow. A few drops of moisture fall on them. "Oh, it's snowing," says the woman. "No, that is rain," says Rudolf. "I think it's snow," she says. He looks at her sternly and replies, "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."
----------------
That may, of course, have made you feel worse. (Perhaps it's funnier in Russian.)

RoseReifsnyder said:

So, a string walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, can I getcha something to drink?" The string says no, "I'm a frayed knot."

Click to expand...

Ok, wait wait wait. I got it wrong!

So, a string walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We don't serve your kind in here." The strings walks outside, and twists himself all around and combs out one end of himself. He goes back inside. "Hey!" the bartender says, "Weren't you just in here?" The string says "No, I'm afraid not."

So, a pony walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What can I getcha?" "A beer," says the pony in a deep, scratchy voice. The bartender asks the pony if he's okay and he says, "Yeah, I'm just a little hoarse."

I'm not good at telling jokes, so I'll sing you an uplifting song...

*clears throat..*

Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's all right

Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's all right
It's all right

When everything in life goes wrong, theres always chocolate. Here have a nice family-size bar of Cadbury's.


aq

I won't offer any jokes, because it's seven past seven in the morning at the moment, and they wouldn't be good. But hopefully something on my web site will make you laugh.

Bill.

A hug for my avatar sister

Best Joke Of All Time:

Q. What's brown and sticky?

A. A stick!

http://www.olympictrans.ru/fun/img.php?fl=img/uglyZoo/uZoo20.jpgYou don't need a hug! What you need is a picture of two kittens, kissing!

after they're finished kissing (and all the things that the kissing can lead to):



(apologies to all the cat lovers out there )

Get to feeling better soon. I don't know what I'd do without my writing partner.

You know what it means when a guy has really big hands don't you?

He need really big gloves-----(yuck, yuck, yuck)

We all love you and hate to see things going so badly so trying to send as much positive energy and well wishes your way. I'm not too worried......it takes alot more this to keep you down. Hang in there and sunny days will be back in no time.

That which does not kill us makes us stronger-----I'd like to shoot the guy who came up with this one.

Hi Alanna. Hope you're feeling better. If not here's something that should cheer you up.


Once, in a village in Kerala, there lived two identical brothers. They looked very much alike in every respect and the villagers often had trouble distinguishing between them.

Unfortunately, one of them died. Sankaran Kutti, our hero, decided to visit the grief-stricken family and console them. Now, there was a problem. Sankaran was not sure which of the brothers had died.

Our ever-resourceful hero solved the problem ingeniously. He walked upto thesurviving sibling and asked amidst tears - "Is it you who is dead or is it your Brother ?"

Here's another one.

Rules for making INDIAN Movies (These are actually true!)


1. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will
- die
- join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

2. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savegely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

3. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else, it will be overruled.

4. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.

5. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

6. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
- miss
- run out of bullets.

When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die).

7. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of
- pots
- barrels
- glass bottles,
which will be smashed to pieces.

8. Any movie involving lost + found brothers will have a song sung by
- the brothers
- their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in theclimax)
- the family dog/cat.

The amazing thing is that these folks remember the song after 20 years in the movie, and you can't remember it 2 minutes after coming out of the theater.

9. Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in three categories:
- Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killed by the villain before the titles.
- Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in rule), saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte" (you cannot hide from the law), only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero.
- The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.

alanna said:

aston- may i say that you are a sick sick person? made me laugh though, so all is forgiven...provided this picture was taken with no harm to the cat.

Click to expand...

As far as I know......that's one of those pictures that occassionally makes the rounds of e-mail forwards, so it's not my cat...

Although my cats seem to puke a lot, so it's possible that they're all heavily into drinking...furballs, my eye!

Looks like someone spiked the onion bloom...