Older Women/ Younger Men

Seaclusion · May 22, 2008

Shouldn't you feel good about being 'hit on' by a guy much younger than you are. I mean isn't a very high compliment.

Richard

Maryn · May 22, 2008

It's been around long enough. I had it when I was in my late 30 and through much of my 40s. And I missed it more than I'd have imagined when it stopped. It ticked me off that any of my self esteem rested on inappropriately young guys hitting on me.

So kids, hit on an old lady. She'll turn you down, but it'll totally make her day.

Maryn, geezer

paprikapink · May 22, 2008

I heard something really interesting about this on NPR a few years ago. Older woman/younger man vs younger woman/older man trends tends to follow economic patterns. I can't remember the danged theory...and can't find anything not too academic about it by googling...but I remember thinking it was a very interesting report. Possibly because my husband and I fell smack into the bullseye of what they were saying (he's seven years younger than I am.)

Joycecwilliams · May 22, 2008

I have had that happen to me. I think it is several things...

1. One guy I dated lost his mom when he was seven... I always thought it had something to do with that.

2. They want something and figure... an older woman is not going to be wanting marriage, kids and the pickett fence..

Just my thoughts...

KrystalR said:
What’s going on with this whole older woman/younger guy thing? Over the past couple of years, I’ve been bombarded with reeeallly young guys hitting on me and I’d say, it’s a safe bet, that many of the women here at AW have experienced the same.
Recently, I had one “befriend” me at the gym. He would find me each morning and we would run on the treadmill together, all the while, we’d be looking around the gym and I’d be pointing out younger girls I thought he should talk to. He passed on all of them for one reason or another.
Finally, he tells me that there is someone he is interested in but, he isn’t certain he should tell me who it is… I saw the twinkle in his eye… He waits a few days and then approaches me, “You know the woman I told you that I’m interested in… It’s you.”
Well, honestly, I knew that. He had been dropping obvious hints for a while, telling me how he was ready for a serious relationship, didn’t mind if the woman he married didn’t want to have more kids…
This guy is 23! I’m 43!
Another recent one … this guy followed me around a Walgreens and chased me to my car. He asked if he could take me out sometime and I told him he was too young. He asks, “How old do you think I am?” I guessed that he was 27. Wrong… He was 23! And, of course, he went on to tell me how mature he was for his age…
And, I know it’s not just some vibe I’m putting out because many of my girlfriends are experiencing the same thing.
I’d be curious to hear your thoughts on this. Is this a new trend? Or, is it just something that’s always been around, but I hadn’t noticed because I wasn’t an “older” woman before?
Ladies, would you go out with a guy that much younger? Have you?
Oh, for you men over 30, these younger guys are way more persistent and aggressive than you. Just thought you’d want to know that.
This should be fun…
*stirs the pot*

Mr. Fix · May 22, 2008

Blame Kim Cattrall...

I'd date an older woman if she was like Kim Cattrall.

Maryn · May 22, 2008

We're all like her, if you look at us right.

WriteKnight · May 22, 2008

Uh, well this is a loaded subject. Has it always been around? Yeah. Has it been as high profile as it has been lately? No, it hasn't. I'm certain it is tied to a lot of sociological conditions - and it probably 'comes and goes'. (No pun intended)

What are they looking for?

A good time without strings. A 'mother figure'. Someone who has more money and indendance than they do. Someone more experienced to showt hem the 'ropes'. (Go with that one.)

The term "Urban Cougar" is new to me. At least it was three years ago when I first heard it. There's a SNL sketch built around it now, pretty funny.Demi Moore and Cameron Diaz did it one night.

In fact, I should say the phenomenom has reached the point of parody, and is due to reach the 'pitiful' stage where men are judged.

Enjoy the complimentary ego strokes while you can.

Kitrianna · May 22, 2008

I've actually known quite a few guys who prefer older women...something about us being more fun because we've hit our sexual peek (men hit theirs in their 20's, women their 30's...do the math) and we have a tendency to be less inhibited and more adventurous. I have to admit...the things I found appealing when I met the hubs (I was 20 back then) aren't as much fun these days. Now potentially getting caught "playing" after dark in the park...that never gets old

rhymegirl · May 22, 2008

I think you look younger than 43, so that may be part of it.

WriteKnight · May 22, 2008

Well even the sex is 'uncommon ground'.

sheadakota · May 22, 2008

My husband is four years younger than me- he asked me to marry him on our third date. He told me age was never an issue, as long as I was legal he would have married me no matter how old I was. (actually he told me it was because I had a great a$$ :e2moon:

)

hlwriter · May 22, 2008

Mr. Fix said:
I'd date an older woman if she was like Kim Cattrall.

Oh so would I

maestrowork · May 22, 2008

I adore older women.

There, I've said it.

(those who are younger than I am, don't fret, I like you, too)

rhymegirl · May 22, 2008

Isn't that nice. An equal opportunity dater.

Ol' Fashioned Girl · May 22, 2008

Maryn said:
It's been around long enough. I had it when I was in my late 30 and through much of my 40s. And I missed it more than I'd have imagined when it stopped. It ticked me off that any of my self esteem rested on inappropriately young guys hitting on me.

So kids, hit on an old lady. She'll turn you down, but it'll totally make her day.

Maryn, geezer

Amen, Sister Maryn. Amen!

As for Ol' Boy... heh. He's younger than I am by a whopping three months.

zahra · May 22, 2008

I've only had one boyfriend older than me. I don't really notice it when he's only 5 or 6 yrs younger, possibly because I look younger than I am so no-one points and laughs...I'd have no problem going out with someone 20 years younger than me but as I'm not interested in dating right now it's handy to be able to use, 'Don't be silly, I'm old enough to be your great-grandmother' as a rejection.

I believe the phenomenon of a vast (say, 15 or more years) age difference is relatively modern, and might have something to do with economics, yes. But also women are looking better and generally not folding up into Grannydom at 40 nowadays.

I certainly know I do not fit the visual perception of 'well-salaried career-woman/sugar-mummy - and if they know me at all they know I haven't a bean - so I'm assuming they're asking me out for the same reasons they'd ask out a woman their own age.

SPMiller · May 22, 2008

rhymegirl said:
I think you look younger than 43, so that may be part of it.

Isn't that a photo of a cougar off to the left of your post? Just sayin'.

Anyway, speaking as a young male, I don't see why I would date a woman that much older. There's so much difference in experience and worldview that I think she'd bore me and I'd bore her. The sex could be good, I guess, but why bother? I can find younger women for sex, and probably much more easily.

You know, that may be the issue. Maybe these guys aren't having much luck in their own age group.

WriteKnight · May 22, 2008

"They don't tell, they don't swell, and they're greatfull as hell..." was the expression 'back in my day'.

Which was a long long time ago, on a planet far far away.

SPMiller · May 22, 2008

KrystalR said:
Yes, that may be the problem Ashton Kutcher was having before he met Demi.

And just what point are you trying to make? Do you really think these dudes are looking for mother figures?

Because that's rather weird.

Bubastes · May 22, 2008

Older men have been dating younger women for ages with little hoopla. I find it refreshing that older women are now seen as desirable rather than washed up at 30+. Maybe the younger men sense that older women tend to be more secure about who they are and would be less needy than women their own age? Just a theory. Confidence at any age is attractive, and older women may tend to exude more confidence because, after a certain age (which I'm quickly approaching), they don't give a damn what other people think anymore.

rhymegirl · May 22, 2008

SPMiller said:
Isn't that a photo of a cougar off to the left of your post? Just sayin'.

As a matter of fact, yes, it is.

JoNightshade · May 22, 2008

zahra said:
I believe the phenomenon of a vast (say, 15 or more years) age difference is relatively modern, and might have something to do with economics, yes. But also women are looking better and generally not folding up into Grannydom at 40 nowadays.

Mm, nope, not quite.

Historically, women died off a good deal faster than men, which is why you have so much precedent for old guys marrying young girls (over and over). But women who were long-lived also remarried when their husbands died - in the same way. My Medieval lit prof in college talked about this some, citing the Wife of Bath - whose last husband, whom she married for love, was 20 while she was 40. (Actually my prof, a middle-aged woman, rather facetiously pointed out that this is a great combination, sexually, as women reach their "peak" at 40, while men reach their sexual peak at 20! Not sure I believe that, but it was funny.)

Anyway another later example is Samuel Johnson, who in his youth married a woman twice his own age and adored her.

joyce · May 22, 2008

I have a friend who is 63 and her man is 53. They've been together for over 25 yrs. now. I actually have some guy in his early twenties who is constantly asking me out on a date when he come into the store I work in. I just think he's sick minded myself. I figure where I work he can't be asking me out for the money he thinks I make.

Pat~ · May 22, 2008

*treading carefully here*...

I think that kind of thing maybe happens more frequently nowadays because women in their 40's and 50's today don't look as old as their moms did at those ages (is it the hairstyles or clothes?), and also are maybe more active than previous generations...(does that make sense or am I grasping?? lol...)

Older Women/ Younger Men

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