"Dried meat" and "jerky" are people! (silly topic)

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Lccorp2

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I'm sure anyone who's read fantasy has come across characters eating "dried meat" or "jerky" at some point in time. Here's a theory I have:

-Why is it that this "dried meat" is never described? It never has any taste, texture, appearance or smell; we never get to see how it's made. Why the secrecy surrounding "dried meat"?

-Why is it that the same nondescript "dried meat" is to be found in all environs? From fantasy forests to on board ships and in deserts on diffenrent continents, "dried meat" may be found. The same creature in all these fantasy settings is...you guessed it...humans.

-When fantasy characters do consume "dried meat", very occasionally they experience a sense of revulsion. While this is supposedly due to how bad the food is, my theory is that they are experiencing on some subconscious level guilt for cannibalising human flesh.

-Where do dead bodies go? Cemetries are often situated in far-off places from population centers, and more often than not only serve as homes for undead minions of Evil Overlords. What happens to all the dead bodies after a generic fantasy battle is not mentioned, not even mass graves or gathering the bodies to be burnt. A Hero or important character may get a small funeral and burial, but what about everyone else?

There's something fishy going on in Generic Fantasyland. Someone is stealing human corpses, processing them and turning them into "dried meat" and "jerky", selling these to the unsuspecting public!

Help your characters boycott "dried meat" today and expose this sinister conspiracy!

:tongue
 
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Calla Lily

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Well, my characters are cutting-edge because one hands the other a packet and says it's deer jerky, and brags how he shot he deer himself.



Oh noes! They're eating the descendants of BAMBI!


Boycott the cute Disney-character eating MC!
 

Calla Lily

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It's yours.


It's MINE, dammit, MINE! Git yer grubby, idea-filchin' paws offn it, or the next batch o' jerky will have a chowder head flavor.
 
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Calla Lily

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I don't see anything...

(which is not all that unusual for me. I couldn't find Waldo if he was standing alone on an ice flow. :D )

Waldo needed a good GPS system.



I had to open my Boston colloquaialisms file. And then format for the appropriately threatening flavor.

Flavor. Jerky. I made a funny!


Why do I have a file with Boston colloquialisms, you are no doubt wondering? Because my vampire book is set in Newburyport and Boston. :)
 

slcboston

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Why do I have a file with Boston colloquialisms, you are no doubt wondering? Because my vampire book is set in Newburyport and Boston. :)

That's cool.. and would you be willing to share such a handy reference?

I may live here(there) but I'm not a native. (I had to google Newburyport to figure out where it was. :D) As such, I don't speak native Bostonian myself. :)
 

slcboston

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Good Lord--does anyone? :D

:ROFL:

Tell me about it. I'm fairly well traveled and have been around the world (literally). I can usually decipher most accented English.

Then, this past fall I was watching local news coverage of the World Series.

I had NO IDEA what some of the fans they interviewed were saying. No idea AT ALL. :Shrug:
 

Calla Lily

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That's cool.. and would you be willing to share such a handy reference?

I may live here(there) but I'm not a native. (I had to google Newburyport to figure out where it was. :D) As such, I don't speak native Bostonian myself. :)

I cobbled it together from a few blogs. PM me with your email and I'll send it to you.
 

Sassee

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For you WoW nuts out there, one of my guildies has come up with this response to Lccorp2's post regarding human dried meat -

"Sassee, I only eat the finest baby Gnomes, dew picked and flown from Gnomeregan, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Sunwell quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose."
 

Lccorp2

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I haven't watched Soylent Green, but yes, I know its place in pop culture.

I just thought it amusing.
 
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