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Basic Writing questions is not a crit forum. All crits belong in Share Your Work
show don't tell
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I'm not an expert, but here's my opinion.
She drove the car recklessly. [Puts all kinds of ideas in a reader's mind. What might mean reckless to me may not necessarily mean the same to you.]
She slammed the car into reverse, without looking back, and floored the accelerator. [This is describing exactly what happened and paints a clear picture for the reader.]
She drove the car recklessly. [Puts all kinds of ideas in a reader's mind. What might mean reckless to me may not necessarily mean the same to you.]
She slammed the car into reverse, without looking back, and floored the accelerator. [This is describing exactly what happened and paints a clear picture for the reader.]
I've answered this often at another writing forum I visit. Let me go find a recent time and copy-and-paste... [sound of receding footsteps]
TELLING VERSUS SHOWING
This is a favorite theme for English teachers to harp on, but not very many of them can really make student writers understand the difference. Technically, there’s nothing wrong with just stating the facts.
Usually Maggie was one of the first ones to leave, but today she was late because she was having trouble pinning her shirt where the button had popped off. The girls didn’t notice that she was still getting dressed when they left the locker room, talking. She heard Jodie Brennan say that Maggie should be cut from the volleyball team because she couldn’t jump high enough to touch the top of the net. Since she hadn’t had a choice about being short, it hurt her feelings. (86 words)
OK, we know what’s going on—but do we care? Do we like or dislike Maggie, or Jodie? If you’re writing fiction, you have to make the readers feel something about the characters you create. You do that by showing what’s significant.
Maggie winced and sucked at the bead of blood on her thumb. Why did she have to lose a button today? She was running so late. She’d just pushed the pin through a fourth time—still crooked—when she heard Jodie Brennan.
“Maggie? Shrimp shouldn’t even be on the team. Even jumping, she can’t touch the top of the net!”
The pin forgotten, Maggie felt her face heat. She didn’t choose to be short—it just happened. Like Jodie’s crooked teeth. Maybe Jodie shouldn’t be allowed in Choir! (88 words)
As you can see, it takes a few more words to show, but it’s usually worth it. Now we don’t like Jodie and feel a little sorry for Maggie even though she’s spiteful.
Often, the difference between showing and telling is the difference between stating observable facts and allowing the reader glimpses into the head and/or heart of the POV character.
I have a couple other examples. Let me hunt them and I'll edit them in.
Maryn, who struggled with this for ages
Edit to Add:
These are telling:
Juan looked at himself in the mirror. His little brother pounded on the bathroom door, and Juan yelled at him to use the other bathroom. Juan wondered if his big brown eyes were sexy. His upper lip showed where his mustache would be, but something was wrong with his hair. Usually he was proud of his thick, shiny hair, but today it was lopsided, with a high, puffed-up spot on one side.
Benucci ran for his life. For the first time, he wished he’d exercised like he knew he should have. He panted for breath and felt himself slowing, not getting closer to the woods very fast. If he didn’t reach the cover of the woods, a bullet would find him.
This is showing:
Juan studied his reflection despite his little brother’s pounding on the closed door. “Use the other bathroom, Ramon!” he yelled, his eyes never leaving the glass. Good eyes, big and brown—sexy?—and the hint of a mustache-to-be, but what was wrong with his hair? Usually he had good hair, thick and shiny as his sister’s, but today one side looked like he’d hidden a Nerf football under there.
Benucci ran like he hadn’t since junior high. Why had he let himself get so soft and slow? He gasped, his lungs burning, his legs rubbery, the woods and cover still far away. Ironic, that he was about to be shot because he didn’t join the YMCA!
TELLING VERSUS SHOWING
This is a favorite theme for English teachers to harp on, but not very many of them can really make student writers understand the difference. Technically, there’s nothing wrong with just stating the facts.
Usually Maggie was one of the first ones to leave, but today she was late because she was having trouble pinning her shirt where the button had popped off. The girls didn’t notice that she was still getting dressed when they left the locker room, talking. She heard Jodie Brennan say that Maggie should be cut from the volleyball team because she couldn’t jump high enough to touch the top of the net. Since she hadn’t had a choice about being short, it hurt her feelings. (86 words)
OK, we know what’s going on—but do we care? Do we like or dislike Maggie, or Jodie? If you’re writing fiction, you have to make the readers feel something about the characters you create. You do that by showing what’s significant.
Maggie winced and sucked at the bead of blood on her thumb. Why did she have to lose a button today? She was running so late. She’d just pushed the pin through a fourth time—still crooked—when she heard Jodie Brennan.
“Maggie? Shrimp shouldn’t even be on the team. Even jumping, she can’t touch the top of the net!”
The pin forgotten, Maggie felt her face heat. She didn’t choose to be short—it just happened. Like Jodie’s crooked teeth. Maybe Jodie shouldn’t be allowed in Choir! (88 words)
As you can see, it takes a few more words to show, but it’s usually worth it. Now we don’t like Jodie and feel a little sorry for Maggie even though she’s spiteful.
Often, the difference between showing and telling is the difference between stating observable facts and allowing the reader glimpses into the head and/or heart of the POV character.
I have a couple other examples. Let me hunt them and I'll edit them in.
Maryn, who struggled with this for ages
Edit to Add:
These are telling:
Juan looked at himself in the mirror. His little brother pounded on the bathroom door, and Juan yelled at him to use the other bathroom. Juan wondered if his big brown eyes were sexy. His upper lip showed where his mustache would be, but something was wrong with his hair. Usually he was proud of his thick, shiny hair, but today it was lopsided, with a high, puffed-up spot on one side.
Benucci ran for his life. For the first time, he wished he’d exercised like he knew he should have. He panted for breath and felt himself slowing, not getting closer to the woods very fast. If he didn’t reach the cover of the woods, a bullet would find him.
This is showing:
Juan studied his reflection despite his little brother’s pounding on the closed door. “Use the other bathroom, Ramon!” he yelled, his eyes never leaving the glass. Good eyes, big and brown—sexy?—and the hint of a mustache-to-be, but what was wrong with his hair? Usually he had good hair, thick and shiny as his sister’s, but today one side looked like he’d hidden a Nerf football under there.
Benucci ran like he hadn’t since junior high. Why had he let himself get so soft and slow? He gasped, his lungs burning, his legs rubbery, the woods and cover still far away. Ironic, that he was about to be shot because he didn’t join the YMCA!
My pleasure. I started hearing, "Show, don't tell" in seventh or eighth grade, all through high school, all though college (not always addressed specifically to me, thank god), but not once did any teacher or professor enlighten me on the difference. I was in my 30s before writing instructor Miriam Grace Monfredo (please buy her books) made it simple and clear.
Maryn, glad some people found this helpful
Maryn, glad some people found this helpful
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I feel your pain. Nobody ever explained to me what it was, but rather what it wasn't, nor did they show me the difference the way your examples here have done. Not terribly helpful, lol.
And thanks very much for the recommendation; I'll be looking into it, for sure.
I can use all the help I can get!
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Focus on the details, and the five senses. Don't summarize or editorialize things. Eventually you'll get a hang of it.
Basically, you want to present the facts/information to the readers and let them make the connection, deduction and judgment themselves.
"He was angry" (which is not a sense) is a summary AND it's a judgment. It's not really a fact, but an interpretation of the facts.
"He pounded his fists on the table and screamed" are displayable facts (remember the five senses). Let your readers make the judgment.
Once you do that, everything else is just a matter of levels of details. What is adequate and what is too much? It's a matter of taste. That's why writing is an art.
I covered my opinion of this topic in my blog. I'll copy what I wrote there here:
When recounting stories we often take shortcuts. The purpose of show and don’t tell is to avoid taking too many shortcuts, to put the reader in the character’s position, and to aid the reader in seeing things vividly and feeling deeply. Telling the story is often colorless and uninteresting. For instance, when trying to provide the reader with a sense of setting you might say:
It was a beautiful day.
This is generic. It doesn’t provide a clear picture. Instead pick details and show the image you want to convey:
Sun bounced off the dew lingering to the grass. She could hear the little boy laughing and felt a breeze brush past, bringing with it the heady scent of lilac.
When it comes to characters’ emotions it’s even more important to try to show the reader what you mean instead of simply telling. An example is to compare this:
Bob was angry
With this:
Bob curled his hands into fists. A moment passed, two. His knuckles turned white.
Or this:
Bob grew hot. The people around him became blurs. The waiter was a moving blob of black and white and silver ovals. Bob raised his glass. He hurled it against the salad bar. Glass shattered and rained down, slivers sliding beneath leaves of Romaine lettuce.
“I said on the rocks, you dimwit!”
One way to think of it might be that showing brings in the five senses (touch, taste, sight, smell, hearing) while telling usually doesn’t, and it’s tapping into those senses that offers the reader pictures and emotions they can relate to. Showing is specific. Telling usually isn’t.
When recounting stories we often take shortcuts. The purpose of show and don’t tell is to avoid taking too many shortcuts, to put the reader in the character’s position, and to aid the reader in seeing things vividly and feeling deeply. Telling the story is often colorless and uninteresting. For instance, when trying to provide the reader with a sense of setting you might say:
It was a beautiful day.
This is generic. It doesn’t provide a clear picture. Instead pick details and show the image you want to convey:
Sun bounced off the dew lingering to the grass. She could hear the little boy laughing and felt a breeze brush past, bringing with it the heady scent of lilac.
When it comes to characters’ emotions it’s even more important to try to show the reader what you mean instead of simply telling. An example is to compare this:
Bob was angry
With this:
Bob curled his hands into fists. A moment passed, two. His knuckles turned white.
Or this:
Bob grew hot. The people around him became blurs. The waiter was a moving blob of black and white and silver ovals. Bob raised his glass. He hurled it against the salad bar. Glass shattered and rained down, slivers sliding beneath leaves of Romaine lettuce.
“I said on the rocks, you dimwit!”
One way to think of it might be that showing brings in the five senses (touch, taste, sight, smell, hearing) while telling usually doesn’t, and it’s tapping into those senses that offers the reader pictures and emotions they can relate to. Showing is specific. Telling usually isn’t.
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Can you give a few examples of "telling" from your writing? Maybe we could work with those to demonstrate ways to show instead of tell.
Dale
Telling is a 2nd hand account of events, showing is a 1st hand account.
Think about the difference. Let's say you're breaking up with your girlfriend. Then you go talk to a friend about it.
Telling: Mary was furious.
That's a 2nd hand account of the action.
Showing: Mary screamed and slammed the door.
That's what you would've seen if you were actually there.
When you write, think about the situation. What would you see/hear/taste/touch/smell?
A general rule: If you mention one of the five senses, you're showing.
Visualize what you're writing. If you were standing there watching the events unfold, what would you see? You wouldn't see Mary being mad--you'd see the actions that indicate she's mad.
Showing is usually tied into action, whereas telling is not.
Think about the difference. Let's say you're breaking up with your girlfriend. Then you go talk to a friend about it.
Telling: Mary was furious.
That's a 2nd hand account of the action.
Showing: Mary screamed and slammed the door.
That's what you would've seen if you were actually there.
When you write, think about the situation. What would you see/hear/taste/touch/smell?
A general rule: If you mention one of the five senses, you're showing.
Visualize what you're writing. If you were standing there watching the events unfold, what would you see? You wouldn't see Mary being mad--you'd see the actions that indicate she's mad.
Showing is usually tied into action, whereas telling is not.
Thanks, this thread (especially the examples) has really been helpful. I'm only now cringing at the thought of how much editing I'll have to do to get rid of all the telling in my WIPs...
Don't worry about it. You were going to do a total rewrite anyway, right? Armed with a clear understanding of show vs. tell, your next draft is going to be much, much better!
Maryn, sure
Maryn, sure
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I have a feeling these questions (show vs. tell, POVs, tense, etc.) will keep coming up because they're so fundamental to storytelling, and there will always be writers who are new to these.
Oh, NO! I was just going to bed. It's 2.05am in Australia. Now I'm going to edit the long chapter that I've just written, BooHoo. (I do have to double check it because I'm OCD)
I am so tired, my back is aching and my head is "lifting off" (My mom used to say that when she had a headache)
Great post by the way.
I am so tired, my back is aching and my head is "lifting off" (My mom used to say that when she had a headache)
Great post by the way.
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90% of show vs. tell problems can be solved by not using adverbs. You CAN use adverbs, of course, but you should be completely aware and in control of the times that you do.
The other 10% seem to be similar to Maryn's example, where a certain point or event can be explained much better through a concrete image rather than a few lines of exposition.
The other 10% seem to be similar to Maryn's example, where a certain point or event can be explained much better through a concrete image rather than a few lines of exposition.
Oh No! It's 3.06 now and I've just finished again. Now I have to go and make sure I haven't used too many adverbs? I'll never get to bed.
So many great, helpful posts here! I can think of nothing worthwhile to add.
But I do want to say I find it's so much easier to see cases of telling over showing in works other than my own. When it comes to my projects (namely, my novel manuscript), it's difficult to separate myself from it enough to realize I've fallen into the telling trap. *sigh*
But I do want to say I find it's so much easier to see cases of telling over showing in works other than my own. When it comes to my projects (namely, my novel manuscript), it's difficult to separate myself from it enough to realize I've fallen into the telling trap. *sigh*
Uh, I don't get it. (Nothing new there, for anybody who knows me.) Could you give us a couple of examples? Thanks in advance.
Maryn, watching this space
Maryn said:
If I understood Zegota right, I think (she?) meant the "ly" adverbs.
Telling with adverbs:
"Janie finally reached the coffee shop. Lately, she'd been having trouble keeping her appointments. Teena was waiting for her. Janie sat down and started talking professionally, raising her voice above the wind that blew softly."
Maestrowork said,
In my example, the adverbs (finally, lately, professionally, softly,) are statements. They tell. The wind blew softly. She talked professionally. Those are statements. If I wanted to show, I'd need to take out most of the statements, and replace them with imagery.
"Janie spotted the coffee-shop's banner snapping in the wind, and she smoothed her jacket, hopping over the curb onto the sidewalk. Late, her brain sang, I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date...
Janie spotted Teena at one of the outdoor tables, lips pursed, tapping her fingernails on the tabletop. Janie forced a calm smile onto her lips.
"Miss Foster?" she said, extending a hand. "I'm Janie."
Teena stood and they shook. "Please sit."
Janie obeyed. She smoothed her coat again, raising her voice over the wind.
"I'm sorry about being late. It's not an excuse, but I had a minor crisis this morning."
Did that make sense? Using adverbs isn't some kind of sin, but adverbs tell, and they lead to "telly" writing.
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Adjectives are not created equal either. Some are very telling (beautiful, soft, professional) because they imply judgment. Some are more factual (late, pursed, soft, windy).
Verbs are always more interesting than adverbs and adjectives.
Doesn't mean you should now go and delete all the adjectives and adverbs. They have their place. Can you imagine every time we come across an adjective we try to expand it to some serious "show"? That would make a very long, overly descriptive book.
Verbs are always more interesting than adverbs and adjectives.
Doesn't mean you should now go and delete all the adjectives and adverbs. They have their place. Can you imagine every time we come across an adjective we try to expand it to some serious "show"? That would make a very long, overly descriptive book.
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