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To all the men on AW

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Jan74

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I appreciate all the responses it is helpful.
 

Woollybear

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I'm not a man but I see that light turn on his eyes in a couple ways I didn't expect -

~~ When i am actually able to make a pun or joke or comment that is funny, I mean that's a rare thing, he looks at me like he's seeing me for the first time. (decades together). Like he's glad I'm there, and he remembered why he likes me.

~~ A woman I worked with once has a phrase she says to men that she dates. It was "A man like you shouldn't need to ..." followed with an action.

Such as: "A man like you shouldn't need to pour his own coffee" while pouring him a cup of coffee. (A man like you shouldn't need to walk the dog. Et cetera.)

Now, this is admittedly manipulative, doing a task and stroking the man's ego, simultaneously, presumably for an ulterior reason. But it might be worth considering in your list.

~~ A more honest and simple comment that undoes my husband (undoes in the 'sort of a turn-on' sense) is to say to him, genuinely because it is true, simply and sincerely and occasionally - "You have provided for our family for twenty years. I see it, I recognize it. Thank you, sweetheart." <--- Here's the thing, I think some men are wired to 'be providers.' But it is unusual in our society for couples to acknowledge this between themselves. So they slog away day in and day out, with no one recognizing it. I think when it does get recognized, it can be a turn on.

This last one can work both ways. :) Some men have figured that out.
 

Max Vaehling

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There are little gestures, postures and such that can up the attraction, like smiles that really feel like they're oming from deep within or letting one's hair down in just the right way, but those can vary depending on the woman. In general, I'm attracted by any woman who does something with confidence. Competence and passion, too, but confidence isn't just about the activity. It's about the person.

Also, brains. I do love a smart conversation.

Here's a big turn-off for a change: Admiration. I cringe at everything that suggests a power imbalance. I get uncomfortable when people look up to me, especially women. I want equals. Maybe that's why I enjoy conversations. They work best on eye level.
 

Jan74

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I'm not a man but I see that light turn on his eyes in a couple ways I didn't expect -

~~ When i am actually able to make a pun or joke or comment that is funny, I mean that's a rare thing, he looks at me like he's seeing me for the first time. (decades together). Like he's glad I'm there, and he remembered why he likes me.

~~ A woman I worked with once has a phrase she says to men that she dates. It was "A man like you shouldn't need to ..." followed with an action.

Such as: "A man like you shouldn't need to pour his own coffee" while pouring him a cup of coffee. (A man like you shouldn't need to walk the dog. Et cetera.)

Now, this is admittedly manipulative, doing a task and stroking the man's ego, simultaneously, presumably for an ulterior reason. But it might be worth considering in your list.

~~ A more honest and simple comment that undoes my husband (undoes in the 'sort of a turn-on' sense) is to say to him, genuinely because it is true, simply and sincerely and occasionally - "You have provided for our family for twenty years. I see it, I recognize it. Thank you, sweetheart." <--- Here's the thing, I think some men are wired to 'be providers.' But it is unusual in our society for couples to acknowledge this between themselves. So they slog away day in and day out, with no one recognizing it. I think when it does get recognized, it can be a turn on.

This last one can work both ways. :) Some men have figured that out.
I agree, the joke in our house(although I do work and financially contribute) but the joke is I'm a kept woman. Because I'm casual and he is the breadwinner we joke about it, but it is important that we recognize each others roles and what we contribute. I see nothing wrong with stoking an ego :)

Speaking as a gay man, absolutely nothing.
Ha...ok...but what does your partner do that turns you on...you're still a man it doesn't matter that your partner is another man...what does he do that gets your pulse racing?

Jan, one of my favorite bloggers who writes about male/female attraction dynamics, psychology, and all that other fun stuff is Evan Marc Katz. His angle is a male perspective for the female audience.

http://http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/
Thanks I will check it out.

There are little gestures, postures and such that can up the attraction, like smiles that really feel like they're oming from deep within or letting one's hair down in just the right way, but those can vary depending on the woman. In general, I'm attracted by any woman who does something with confidence. Competence and passion, too, but confidence isn't just about the activity. It's about the person.

Also, brains. I do love a smart conversation.

Here's a big turn-off for a change: Admiration. I cringe at everything that suggests a power imbalance. I get uncomfortable when people look up to me, especially women. I want equals. Maybe that's why I enjoy conversations. They work best on eye level.
Well I'm 5ft2 so me and my hubby are rarely eye level :) I think that is a theme, a confident woman.
 

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Auburn hair, almond eyes, is Italian, good looking. I met 2 like this that suited me in my half-lifetime in Italy. Loved one, married one.
 

Jan74

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Auburn hair, almond eyes, is Italian, good looking. I met 2 like this that suited me in my half-lifetime in Italy. Loved one, married one.
So that is what you are physically attracted to, but what does she do that stokes the fire? Does she make a wicked pasta, ride horses, tame tigers, clean fish, crack jokes? While there is of course that physical attraction, but as a woman I'm attracted to my husband not only for looks but for things he does.
 

indianroads

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I've always been attracted to women who look interesting - intelligence and wit are huge pluses in my book. A willingness to step back and see the world for what it is - the beauty / irony / tragedy of it all. A sense of humor - and eventually inside jokes once we become partners. Someone that looks like they would be fun to know.

I believe beauty comes down to health actually - nice hair, clear skin, good teeth, and good physical shape - all these are aspects of real beauty. Make-up and stupid uncomfortable clothes have never done a thing for me. I told my wife that there's a consortium of fashion designers out there that have a bet among themselves every year, to see who can come up with the most idiotic, uncomfortable, impractical, and downright ugly thing that women will actually buy. In my book, none of that fashion stuff matters.

Long ago Harrison Ford was in a movie with a woman that was the latest Hollywood big deal. He was a pilot, and she worked for a magazine like Cosmo. Anyway they were stranded on a desert island (naturally). The single moment in that movie that struck me funny was him telling this woman that none of that stuff she writes about matters to men. Perfume, scented candles, fancy underwear - none of it mattered, all we (men) want is for you (women) to SHOW UP. That's pretty much spot on in my view.
 

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What does our sex do that makes you want us?

This is completely subjective. I assume want has more hidden meaning than just attraction. Superficial attraction or something deeper. Wanting someone to rely on, for example. Someone to help with the bills, chores, and so forth. There are a lot of different wants. The more of these elements you add to the fray, the more subjective it gets.

The dating pool is like a marketplace. You can go to different marketplaces for different things (one-night stands, marriage-worthy material, whatever). Man X may go to a massage parlor and get female touch (massage) or something else (depending on the location). Man Y may use a Website like Match.com or eHarmony.com to find a bride.

Man Z can want what Man X wants, one night, then go out and pursue what Man Y wants the very next day. A man's "wants" change, and different men go to different marketplaces for what they want, at that time.

I'd assume want, as in marriage material, is a more holistic use of the word, such as: someone who helps with finances; someone to take care of them when injured; someone to shop/cook/clean; and someone who is a good friend.

Wants, for a one-night stand.... For some guys, she just has to be breathing. Some may want the Barbie look. Some have other things.

There was a crude line on the TV show Frasier. Bulldog, Frasier's co-worker, said he found his dad having sex with another woman one day. Bulldog said he looked at him judgmentally (for cheating on his mom). The father misread the look as something else. The father walked over to the boy and said, "you don't look at the mantle while you're poking the fireplace."

Bulldog's father was one of those non-selective types.

To finally answer the question.... All women have to do is be willing to fulfill the need(s) of any given man, at any given time, for a man to want them.

Was your question, instead, "what should women do to attract a man for what they want in a man?"
 

braveboy

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So that is what you are physically attracted to, but what does she do that stokes the fire? Does she make a wicked pasta, ride horses, tame tigers, clean fish, crack jokes? While there is of course that physical attraction, but as a woman I'm attracted to my husband not only for looks but for things he does.

Hard to put in words... both could have been described by the title of a song written by the great Jimmy Webb... "She moves, eyes follow"
 
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Jason

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As a man, attracted to the opposite sex, I can tell you with 100% confidence that the standard fare of the woman’s body are always admired, but that’s just genetics. When it comes to relationships, like others have said it’s more the intimacy, the inside jokes, and all that goes into that non-quantifiable part of attraction.

Sexually, it’s easy - go for the body parts, boobs, butt, and eyes generally are the key things a guy notices, in various degrees, and in different orders depending on personal tastes. After that, it’s so much more varied. Here’s a few...


  1. Someone mentioned inside jokes, taking that a step further, a womans’ laugh can be a trigger
  2. Someone mentioned dogs...taking THAT a step further, there was even a movie titled “Must Love Dogs”
  3. My brother thinks a woman on a bike (motorcycle) is just the sexiest thing ever. (Not what she’s wearing, just that she’s into bikes...)
  4. My best friend in college thought tomboy types who didn’t mind getting “down and dirty” were the best.
  5. Some guys like the Southern Belle kind of ting
  6. Someone mentioned hair styles - long curly hair a guy can run his hand through. Or short cut, for business professional some guys adore that...
  7. A girl that knows how to cook (way to a mans heart is through his stomach, as an old adage says)
  8. A girl that knows how to shoot a gun
  9. A girl that stimulates his mind
  10. A girl that he can take home to momma
  11. A girl that takes care of him
  12. A girl that can smoke a cigar
  13. A girl that like boats
  14. A girl that likes tech
  15. A girl that likes horses
  16. A girl that likes scotch
  17. A girl that likes gardening

A girl that likes....insert practically any other noun there, and some guy somewhere will think it’s “hot”.

Now, if you were to ask me personally - I’d take all the prime and square numbers above :)
 
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ElaineA

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Since this thread is resurrected, may I please ask that men who graciously choose to answer actually look at the question being asked? (Because it IS helpful for building characterization, for finding tidbits that women authors might not think of, and there have been some excellent examples of that already, including Jason's post.) That way it doesn't devolve into generalizations about how women should look/behave to suit "men."

what do women do that turns a man on? In the general overall sense of the word. I don't mean sexual acts I just mean what does our sex do that makes you want us? Seeing your woman mothering your children, looking after your home, cooking, gardening....just activities in general....brushing her hair etc.....

See? It's not an invitation to tell women what (general) men don't like. It isn't an invitation to advise on how to police ourselves to make us desirable. It's asking for anecdotal examples of acts of daily life (not sexual intimacy) that make you have a warm fuzzy feeling toward a woman you (one man) are attracted to. Not, "women shouldn't wear makeup, perfume, or fancy underwear because men don't want that."

Was your question, instead, "what should women do to attract a man for what they want in a man?"
NO! it was NOT. It was exactly the opposite of that.
 

Maze Runner

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What gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling and what turns me on are often two different things. One thing that really touches me about my wife and makes me love her all the more is how hard she tries at everything she does. It touches me, because I think I know why she does it, but I can't say it really turns me on. That was my original confusion with the question.
 

Bufty

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Walking along the street, rain or sun, window shopping or just heading back to the car, hands brush and she takes hold of my hand. A squeeze makes my finger hurt when the wedding ring digs. Adjust finger grip, and move on. Small, but....

Watching TV. I'm in an armchair, she's in the nearby sofa - just reach across, no dialogue - quick open hand finger-slap and keep concentrating on the telly.

I'm making my bed- suddenly I'm nose-dived onto it. Turn around- nobody there.

She explodes in laughter at something on the telly, and when she tries to explain it I obviously haven't a clue what she's trying to say through the tears. And the fact she can't speak for laughing makes her laugh even more.

Or, I may find something funny but she can't see it. I explain the punch line and all I get is a "So what's funny about that?"

The smell of 'something' cooking, wafting up the stairs.

And the first mouthful of those gorgeous meals - oh yes. Lamb, beef, eggs au gratin, fish pie, sausage and mash, cheese soufflé, gravy from stock..............

:snoopy:
 
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Albedo

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*wondering if the title of the thread can be made more accurate*

*cos each time I see it I'm torn between whether I should reply honestly but uselessly, in character, or with a pisstake, and I don't wanna, cos this is a good, useful thread that is just labeled poorly*
 

Putputt

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Since this thread is resurrected, may I please ask that men who graciously choose to answer actually look at the question being asked? (Because it IS helpful for building characterization, for finding tidbits that women authors might not think of, and there have been some excellent examples of that already, including Jason's post.) That way it doesn't devolve into generalizations about how women should look/behave to suit "men."



See? It's not an invitation to tell women what (general) men don't like. It isn't an invitation to advise on how to police ourselves to make us desirable. It's asking for anecdotal examples of acts of daily life (not sexual intimacy) that make you have a warm fuzzy feeling toward a woman you (one man) are attracted to. Not, "women shouldn't wear makeup, perfume, or fancy underwear because men don't want that."


NO! it was NOT. It was exactly the opposite of that.

Oh, Jaysus, THANK YOU. I’ve been sitting here going “What. What? Seriously??” I mean, seriously??

I've always been attracted to women who look interesting - intelligence and wit are huge pluses in my book. A willingness to step back and see the world for what it is - the beauty / irony / tragedy of it all. A sense of humor - and eventually inside jokes once we become partners. Someone that looks like they would be fun to know.

I believe beauty comes down to health actually - nice hair, clear skin, good teeth, and good physical shape - all these are aspects of real beauty. Make-up and stupid uncomfortable clothes have never done a thing for me. I told my wife that there's a consortium of fashion designers out there that have a bet among themselves every year, to see who can come up with the most idiotic, uncomfortable, impractical, and downright ugly thing that women will actually buy. In my book, none of that fashion stuff matters.

Long ago Harrison Ford was in a movie with a woman that was the latest Hollywood big deal. He was a pilot, and she worked for a magazine like Cosmo. Anyway they were stranded on a desert island (naturally). The single moment in that movie that struck me funny was him telling this woman that none of that stuff she writes about matters to men. Perfume, scented candles, fancy underwear - none of it mattered, all we (men) want is for you (women) to SHOW UP. That's pretty much spot on in my view.

1. It may blow your mind to find out that women don’t always twist themselves into intricate knots for the sole purpose of attracting men, but there it is. Some women I’m sure wear makeup to attract men, but many of us do it for other various reasons. I for one love the way it makes me feel, AND I take most care to dress up when I have a date with my female friends, because they appreciate stuff like a cute hairstyle or a cute manicure or a cute dress. My husband, on the other hand, appreciates other things. He may notice a particularly flattering dress, but most of the time, not really. He doesn’t ever squeal, “I love your hairstyle! Tell me how you do that!” So why the hell would I do my hair or makeup for him? Really, for the last time, not everything women do is to please men.

2. The whole “men don’t care about makeup” thing always cracks me up. Because time and again, it’s been shown that men DO like women with makeup on, but only when it’s the subtle “natural” look. There are countless examples online where men are like “She’s so pretty without makeup” and guess wut? She has makeup on. Here’s one such example.

Personal anecdotes...I’ve got many. The. Number. Of. Men. Who say: “Oh I love that you don’t wear makeup!” It is honestly laughable. I don’t even try to hide the fact that I wear makeup. I once put on some gloss right in front of an ex. Later, he told me he loved how naturally pretty I was and how I wear zero makeup. That’s really sweet, dude, but you realize I have like five beauty products on my face?

So as far as I’m concerned, the last person I want makeup advice from is some man who thinks he knows more about it than I do.

To finally answer the question.... All women have to do is be willing to fulfill the need(s) of any given man, at any given time, for a man to want them.

LOLOLOL no. Anyone who does this shit needs a punch in the throat and a good lesson on self respect, ffs. I know women and men who do this. It doesn’t surprise me that they keep getting dumped, because really, nothing is less attractive than fulfilling the needs of someone at any given time.

Was your question, instead, "what should women do to attract a man for what they want in a man?"

Nope. Try again.
 
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Enlightened

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NO! it was NOT. It was exactly the opposite of that.

Fair enough. I shall stand by the balance of my original post then. Willingness to meet the needs/wants/desires of men looking for different things. Generalizing a list, in my opinion, does not offer a holistic sampling of men. I tried to gear my response to be broad as possible.
 

Enlightened

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LOLOLOL no. Anyone who does this shit needs a punch in the throat and a good lesson on self respect, ffs. I know women and men who do this. It doesn’t surprise me that they keep getting dumped, because really, nothing is less attractive than fulfilling the needs of someone at any given time.

You assume needs specifies lust. In my original post, I gave different scenarios of needs (help financially, getting married, lust, other). Man A wants to get married. He goes to the marketplace (eHarmony.com dating site) and finds a compatible bride. They get married. Although lust may be involved, marriage is the need.
 

Putputt

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You assume needs specifies lust. In my original post, I gave different scenarios of needs (help financially, getting married, lust, other). Man A wants to get married. He goes to the marketplace (eHarmony.com dating site) and finds a compatible bride. They get married. Although lust may be involved, marriage is the need.


Lol wut. No, I did not. Did I say anything about lust? You said “to fulfill the needs of any given man at any given time”. To me, that doesn’t necessarily equate to lust. It does equate to sheer idiocy, though.
 

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Lol wut. No, I did not. Did I say anything about lust? You said “to fulfill the needs of any given man at any given time”. To me, that doesn’t necessarily equate to lust. It does equate to sheer idiocy, though.

I will attempt to clarify.... Fulfill the needs of what men go to the marketplace looking for, at any given time (as their needs can change from one need, one day, and a different need the next). This is not to suggest, if you implied it as such, for a woman to cater to a man's on-going needs.
 

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This was a thread that was dead for months, and has been Zombied by posts that aren't actually reading the OP's question.

Locking this unless someone has a good reason to re-open it.
 
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