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To all the men on AW

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Jan74

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I have a question if you could pop in for a second. Of course I would love the women on AW to respond also. But I'm now curious as to what um....how do I even word this....well....what do women do that turns a man on? In the general overall sense of the word. I don't mean sexual acts I just mean what does our sex do that makes you want us? Seeing your woman mothering your children, looking after your home, cooking, gardening....just activities in general....brushing her hair etc.....

I hope my question makes sense. I've been primarily writing from the MC pov which is a womans pov, so I can firmly plant what I find attractive in a male and I know what I like in a man, but I really have no idea what a man thinks when he see's things his wife does. Of course I'm going to ask my husband but he'll probably look at me like I have a 3rd eye and think I"m nuts for asking. So I figure it might be easier to ask a bunch of men who write and can describe things better than than my hubby ever could.

Thank you to anyone man or woman, who took the time to answer my wacky question :)

Sorry if this should be in research, mods feel free to move if I'm in the wrong forum.
 

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I hope you get many answers to this question,because I'm as curious as you. Good question by the way!
 

Jan74

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I hope you get many answers to this question,because I'm as curious as you. Good question by the way!

Thanks...I hope we get some answers :) I will ask my hubby too....however he'll either say..."what? I don't know," or "everything turns me on." Now that I think about it, it might be simpler to ask what DOESN'T turn him on...lol.
 

ElaineA

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There is a thread in the Erotica forum somewhere that answers this. I feel like it might be behind the Age Wall (SYW section) because I remember it being pretty explicit. Hopefully Maryn will amble along. I'm sure she will be far more helpful than I have been. >.<

(Also, when I get a minute, I'll poke around and see if I can find it.)
 

Kjbartolotta

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Drinkin', smokin', straight West Coastin'. Also doing art. And if you've ever seen those collections of anti-Suffragette posters Kate Beaton and others put together, where the women probably look way more cool and rakish than the artist intended, that's what I'm into.
 

Jan74

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There is a thread in the Erotica forum somewhere that answers this. I feel like it might be behind the Age Wall (SYW section) because I remember it being pretty explicit. Hopefully Maryn will amble along. I'm sure she will be far more helpful than I have been. >.<

(Also, when I get a minute, I'll poke around and see if I can find it.)
I want it in open forum, not on the erotica forum. I'm not looking for sexual acts at all....just everyday tasks that a woman might do that her partner finds attractive. For instance I don't wear my hair short because I know my husband likes my longer hair. There are a tonne of short haircuts I love but I know he doesn't like that at all. So it is one feature I keep for him is my layered locks.

Drinkin', smokin', straight West Coastin'. Also doing art. And if you've ever seen those collections of anti-Suffragette posters Kate Beaton and others put together, where the women probably look way more cool and rakish than the artist intended, that's what I'm into.
I will check that out...thanks! So if a woman is having a cigarette while painting a picture that would turn you on? Just clarifying because I have a great mental image of that and I can totally see why that would be attractive.
 

Justobuddies

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How long have the characters been in a relationship?

I've found that as we've gotten older together I've evolved a different set of turn ons from when we started dating so very many years ago.
 

Kjbartolotta

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I will check that out...thanks! So if a woman is having a cigarette while painting a picture that would turn you on? Just clarifying because I have a great mental image of that and I can totally see why that would be attractive.

Yes!!! But he should be very respectful and let her paint & smoke, artists need their concentration and get very annoyed when lumbering mates sneak up and try to get romantic.
 

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Yes!!! But he should be very respectful and let her paint & smoke, artists need their concentration and get very annoyed when lumbering mates sneak up and try to get romantic.

+1

I'm more apt to get the elbow in the gut, than a romantic interlude if I try wrapping my arms around her while she's doing dishes, cooking, or interrupting any of her other activities.
 

cmhbob

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For me, it's touch. Not grab-ass all the time (although I'm still young enough I enjoy that a little). More like the casual touch as you pass by. A brush on the arm or hand. Gets me tingly.

Or when I'm off in my own world writing or thinking or something, and I look over and she's just watching me with a smile.

Your hair thing would do it too, especially if you occasionally tried a different long style that you thought I might like.

Is that kind of what you're looking for?
 

Chris P

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I think it varies with the guy. I am very attracted to a strong, confident woman. I notice poise, stance, how she conducts herself in a group (commanding the interactions she's in but not being an attention whore) and general put-togetherness. Of course these women come in all shapes and sizes. However, I tend to but not always like height and "healthy heavy" if that makes sense. Generally the darker the hair the better but not always. Honestly, I only rarely notice breasts unless they are spectacularly shaped (and by that I DON'T mean huge). Of course I notice the "centerfold" types but at the first hint that she's using her looks to get her way I'm not in the least interested.
 

Maze Runner

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Yeah, I think responses will be all over the map. I just think it's very individual, and it's complicated, and yet it's simple. Because for me at least, it's there or it's not. Sexual attraction, that is. And if it's not, chances are it never will be, if it is, you'll have to go out of your way to kill it. And it's complicated, or is it complex? Because there are so many things that go into it, and most of them I'm not even conscious of. I could generally say that it's intelligence, and it's warmth, and it's subtle. I'm not much for the very obvious kinds of sexy clothing or extreme makeup. I don't go for fake breasts, etc. I tend to go for the librarian types, but with an underlying sexuality that's maybe not obvious at first. But sex with someone you're in love with takes on another dimension. That's when it has a different kind of depth, you're making love to the whole person, not just a body. Actually, I guess, that's when you're making love.

Interesting but elusive question. Hahaha, I predict you'll get plenty of responses.
 

ElaineA

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I want it in open forum, not on the erotica forum. I'm not looking for sexual acts at all....just everyday tasks that a woman might do that her partner finds attractive. For instance I don't wear my hair short because I know my husband likes my longer hair. There are a tonne of short haircuts I love but I know he doesn't like that at all. So it is one feature I keep for him is my layered locks.

Gotcha. There was some of both in the other one, but there's no reason not to have another both. If we can have 10,000 POV threads, we can have 2 What Turns A Guy On threads. :D
 

Kjbartolotta

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Chris P;10340525I notice poise said:
When I was younger most the ladies I liked were more tomboyish, I liked that just fine and in another life would certainly date someone with that style again. But the SO is rather 'traditionally' feminine (in the dresses and make-up sense) and spends a lot of time fussing over her lady-like stylings. I certainly am a fan of this, more than I expected, though I think I like it more because I'm not the reason she's doing it.

Also, if I'm just gonna list the things she does that work for me, anything involving petting/loving/posing majestically with the dog. I love ladies and dogs together.
 

Chris P

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Ah, I saw your post upthread and it seems you want things that turn me on in a relationship, not when meeting someone for the first time.

For me, my wife and I have developed in jokes and code words that we sometimes drop in inappropriate places, like the grocery store. These are just things that seem innocuous but we have come to associate with "the act." We do this both to show openness to what might happen when we get home but also to gently see how much we're able to distract each other without going too far.
 
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Jan74

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Yes!!! But he should be very respectful and let her paint & smoke, artists need their concentration and get very annoyed when lumbering mates sneak up and try to get romantic.
I can relate, as a writer I tend to get annoyed when I'm typing and then I'm interrupted(which is my life because my dining room is where I write.) Hmmm I'm thinking the ghost scene where she's at the pottery wheel and Patrick comes over and well...then one of my favorite songs starts playing and of course its super romantic and one of the best love scenes! So I def see why a man could find the working artist attractive.

How long have the characters been in a relationship?

I've found that as we've gotten older together I've evolved a different set of turn ons from when we started dating so very many years ago.

+1

I'm more apt to get the elbow in the gut, than a romantic interlude if I try wrapping my arms around her while she's doing dishes, cooking, or interrupting any of her other activities.
Ha...ok....so I thought it might be housework...because if I bend over unloading the dishwasher or putting something in the fridge that's a common time my hubby will come up behind me and usually he'll say something like "must you do that in front of me" lol.

For me, it's touch. Not grab-ass all the time (although I'm still young enough I enjoy that a little). More like the casual touch as you pass by. A brush on the arm or hand. Gets me tingly.

Or when I'm off in my own world writing or thinking or something, and I look over and she's just watching me with a smile.

Your hair thing would do it too, especially if you occasionally tried a different long style that you thought I might like.

Is that kind of what you're looking for?
The subtle touch, and just knowing she's watching you. I like that. Yes, that is what I'm looking for. Just any example of what you're woman does that gets your heart racing. I think the hair thing is a big deal at least for my hubby. My profile pic shows a shorter bob, but my length is past my shoulders with bangs lots of layers and I have wavy hair, actually my profile pic really doesn't resemble me at all. I think he cringes every time I go to the hairdressers in fears I'll go super short(above the ear) like I did when I was pregnant with our twins.

I think it varies with the guy. I am very attracted to a strong, confident woman. I notice poise, stance, how she conducts herself in a group (commanding the interactions she's in but not being an attention whore) and general put-togetherness. Of course these women come in all shapes and sizes. However, I tend to but not always like height and "healthy heavy" if that makes sense. Generally the darker the hair the better but not always. Honestly, I only rarely notice breasts unless they are spectacularly shaped (and by that I DON'T mean huge). Of course I notice the "centerfold" types but at the first hint that she's using her looks to get her way I'm not in the least interested.
I love that you said all shapes and sizes and how you like the "healthy heavy" that's very honest and appreciated. I once read a meme that said "you can be the ripest peach in the world and yet there will be people who still don't like peaches". I love that men, like woman, don't expect a model figure. I am short at 5ft 2, but I respect you like a taller woman, a confident strong woman.

Yeah, I think responses will be all over the map. I just think it's very individual, and it's complicated, and yet it's simple. Because for me at least, it's there or it's not. Sexual attraction, that is. And if it's not, chances are it never will be, if it is, you'll have to go out of your way to kill it. And it's complicated, or is it complex? Because there are so many things that go into it, and most of them I'm not even conscious of. I could generally say that it's intelligence, and it's warmth, and it's subtle. I'm not much for the very obvious kinds of sexy clothing or extreme makeup. I don't go for fake breasts, etc. I tend to go for the librarian types, but with an underlying sexuality that's maybe not obvious at first. But sex with someone you're in love with takes on another dimension. That's when it has a different kind of depth, you're making love to the whole person, not just a body. Actually, I guess, that's when you're making love.

Interesting but elusive question. Hahaha, I predict you'll get plenty of responses.
It's def very individual but I'm wondering if I'll see a pattern. I can relate to the intelligence aspect, my hubby is very smart which I find a turn on for sure. He has a mechanical mind and although I have no idea how things work when it comes to machinery etc it's interesting to sit back and listen to him talk with his dad/friends/family. I wonder if he feels the same when I'm talking medical stuff. Librarian types....makes me think of The Mummy....sweet and sexy. Yes I would agree too that sex with someone you love is completely different from a typical "hook up". It's nice to know that for men too having sex with someone you love is different and there is more depth there. I would hope it is more meaningful. I've often asked my hubby "what's it like for you?" I don't think he knows how to put it in words. That's where AW is wonderful because there are men here who do write and can describe these things.

I really appreciate the responses so far. I like hearing things from a mans pov.
 

Kjbartolotta

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Jan74

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Ah, I saw your post upthread and it seems you want things that turn me on in a relationship, not when meeting someone for the first time.

For me, my wife and I have developed in jokes and code words that we sometimes drop in inappropriate places, like the grocery store. These are just things that seem innocuous but we have come to associate with "the act." We do this both to show openness to what might happen when we get home but also to gently see how much we're able to distract each other without going too far.
Yes!!!!I love that. The little code words. My husband will add "items" to the grocery list. So I'll be in Walmart and in the middle of my list it will say something naughty which of course makes me break out laughing and I'm sure people walking by might wonder wtf I'm laughing at. But when you have a list and all of a sudden blow job is written between milk, bread and eggs....well.....it makes me laugh.

When I was younger most the ladies I liked were more tomboyish, I liked that just fine and in another life would certainly date someone with that style again. But the SO is rather 'traditionally' feminine (in the dresses and make-up sense) and spends a lot of time fussing over her lady-like stylings. I certainly am a fan of this, more than I expected, though I think I like it more because I'm not the reason she's doing it.

Also, if I'm just gonna list the things she does that work for me, anything involving petting/loving/posing majestically with the dog. I love ladies and dogs together.
A woman who takes pride in her looks, but for her not for you, but you benefit so it's a plus all around. Really the dog....that's good to know. My MC interest has 2 huskies so I have a quick scene of her meeting his dogs. Good to know that is a thing. thanks!

Gotcha. There was some of both in the other one, but there's no reason not to have another both. If we can have 10,000 POV threads, we can have 2 What Turns A Guy On threads. :D
If you find that thread I'm curious to read it. I don't mind reading the naughty stuff too. Maybe I'll learn something new...or something I could put in my wip. And THAT is what I should've titled this three "What turns guys on." That's exactly what I want to know. What turns a guy on(but not the sex part) the more subtle stuff.

I like to cut the grass....I HATE shovelling....so I don't. I do not shovel snow...but I will cut the grass any day of the week. I wonder if this is a turn on? AW Men...would that be a turn on you're girl cutting the grass?
 

Justobuddies

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Ha...ok....so I thought it might be housework...because if I bend over unloading the dishwasher or putting something in the fridge that's a common time my hubby will come up behind me and usually he'll say something like "must you do that in front of me" lol.

I don't know that it's necessarily the housework...it's more the work she's putting into me and the family, especially since that generally happens when she's already dead on her feet. Don't have that problem too much now that the kids are nearly all grown up. The depth of why I find her alluring has changed so much over the last 20ish years. When we were younger it was more physical attraction, but now it's deeper attraction for who she is as a person. It's a rather abstract concept to put in words...which is why I don't write romance.
 

Chris P

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I love that you said all shapes and sizes and how you like the "healthy heavy" that's very honest and appreciated. I once read a meme that said "you can be the ripest peach in the world and yet there will be people who still don't like peaches". I love that men, like woman, don't expect a model figure. I am short at 5ft 2, but I respect you like a taller woman, a confident strong woman.

Lol. You reminded me that my ex-wife was 5'1", and my first girlfriend after the divorce was 5'9" (I'm 5'10"). Going in for that first kiss with the new girlfriend was suuuper awkward. I tilted my head all the wrong angle and I'm pretty sure noses got mashed.
 

Jan74

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http://historyoffeminism.com/anti-suffragette-postcards-posters-cartoons/

Most of these are really awful, and seem to take a lot of joy in how ugly the women are and threatening them physical harm (how far we've come :sarcasm). But a few of these ladies are pretty boss.

Also, here's the famous Kate Beaton cartoon entry.

http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=331

Thanks for the links. I love the bicycle images! Hard to believe there was a time when a woman couldn't show her ankles. The suffragettes was really shocking, I've never seen those images before. The men of that day sure were scared for women to have the vote. Wow.
 

Jan74

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I don't know that it's necessarily the housework...it's more the work she's putting into me and the family, especially since that generally happens when she's already dead on her feet. Don't have that problem too much now that the kids are nearly all grown up. The depth of why I find her alluring has changed so much over the last 20ish years. When we were younger it was more physical attraction, but now it's deeper attraction for who she is as a person. It's a rather abstract concept to put in words...which is why I don't write romance.
Got it! Yes, I've been with my husband for 20years and married for 17. It is very abstract and there can be very subtle things that "turn us on" but I want to nail down what they are. Her devotion to family is good to know.

Lol. You reminded me that my ex-wife was 5'1", and my first girlfriend after the divorce was 5'9" (I'm 5'10"). Going in for that first kiss with the new girlfriend was suuuper awkward. I tilted my head all the wrong angle and I'm pretty sure noses got mashed.
Ha! I bet! He's loves to tease me about my height...I always tell him I'm only going to get shorter with age :)
 

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Laughter. Doesn't have to be at my jokes but it's a plus.

Food. The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach. She doesn't have to cook it.

Touch. Fingers through my hair, a shoulder rub, or nuzzling my ear.

Relaxation. Reclining together on the couch or in bed.
 

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Oh, and shoulders. All the obvious body parts, too, but unusually, shoulders. Strapless or off-the-shoulder looks. But the best is if they're a little hard to get. Straps or a loose or stretchy neckline: they're getting pushed aside and she's getting a kiss.
 

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Inside jokes, definitely, but that's really just a part of a larger whole: those moments when we catch each other's eyes and know that we know exactly what the other is thinking. Knowing she snuck up behind me without having to look, because it feels like her. The look in her eyes when she's about to kiss me. We've been together a long time, and there are so many little things that just add up to "us." And really, the simple fact that there is an "us," this intimate boundary where no one else exists, is the biggest turn-on of all.

Hope this helps!
 
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