Sensitive issues in queries

[Jazz Club]

Hi all,

Apologies if this is in the wrong forum.

I'd appreciate some advice on writing my query, which has been going so well so far...not. My novel is a dual POV YA contemporary with pretty mature themes. After my latest round of edits, the female and male MCs have roughly equal screen time, but the male MC is probably the 'main character' as he's in POV at the climax of the novel. He's also a little more sympathetic, according to beta readers and my own opinion. But he's less active in driving the plot so it's quite hard to write the query from his POV.

The problem with writing the query from the female POV is this. She suffers a (graphic on-page) sexual assault at the very beginning of the novel and is trying to come to terms with it thereafter. I hate that phrase but it seems to be the phrase du jour, so...

I'm thinking it might be better to write the query from the female MC's POV so I can mention the sexual assault, so that it isn't sprung on the agent in the MS. I mean, I'd obviously give a trigger warning, but it might be disingenuous to write the query from the male MC's POV and not mention the assault. But somehow I don't feel quite right about shoe-horning it into the usual query format of goal, stakes, motivation and all that. In the actual manuscript, I'm doing my absolute best to handle the issue with the seriousness and sensitivity it deserves. There's no neat 'resolution' for this plotline in the novel, as in real life, since people don't just get over these things. But in the query, how do I avoid making the assault sound like a plot device (which it definitely isn't)? I don't know how to do this without sounding glib and crass.

Or should I just write the query from the male MC's POV and mention that the assault happens to the female character (but then, he doesn't know, so that wouldn't make much sense...).

I'm struggling here. I'd really appreciate any help/advice. Sorry for the long post but I had to explain properly. Thanks.

 

[owlion]

I'm not 100% sure, but I think from what I've seen, it seems better to write the query focusing on the main character or, if there are multiple, the one who is either on the page more, or who starts the novel if the time is pretty evenly split. I think having a content warning for sexual assault in the housekeeping part would be fine - I've even seen some agents with separate fields on forms for content warnings. You could possibly highlight it in the part where you say 'Please find the [sample material] included' that the sample includes sexual assault, so the agent goes in knowing it's there very early on.

 

[Jazz Club]

I'm not 100% sure, but I think from what I've seen, it seems better to write the query focusing on the main character or, if there are multiple, the one who is either on the page more, or who starts the novel if the time is pretty evenly split. I think having a content warning for sexual assault in the housekeeping part would be fine - I've even seen some agents with separate fields on forms for content warnings. You could possibly highlight it in the part where you say 'Please find the [sample material] included' that the sample includes sexual assault, so the agent goes in knowing it's there very early on.

I can do a word count of scenes with each character and find out who's on-page most. Dan (male MC) was definitely onscreen more before the last round of edits, but I think it's more equal now. He might still have a bit more time. And the novel also starts and ends with Dan. Hmmm. But he's too dopey to drive much of the plot! Gah, why did I write the book like this??

 

[Lea123]

Which character do you / your BETAs find the most interesting?
Could you do a brief outline of both characters' plots (scene by scene) and see who has the most to offer the queries? I write multiple POVs and sometimes, they get wound into each other so much, I struggle to separate their individual story lines as well as the one they share. I'm so tired I'm not sure if I'm making sense but mine would be:

K: Coming of age, wants to explore outside isolated town but has terminally ill adopted father - attack happens, loses everything - flees town with uncle etc...

J: Minding own business in the city, receives letter from estranged brother - goes to retrieve nephew and niece (K) to take them somewhere safe - town is attacked whilst he's there - flees town with niece etc...

A: Accompanies best friend on journey to retrieve his nephew and niece - town is attacked - A is forced to use her magic in front of others to help them escape - flees town with J, K and the others - goes to various lengths to cover up her magical heritage etc.

I'd only be including the shared story line in the query (I assume that's the right thing to do). Although it's got three POV, I'd write it from Kyria's POV because, despite an almost equal split between the three characters, most of the action happen from her POV and the story is introduced with her and ends with her. It's ultimately her that begins to unravel the other two characters - she's the catalyst. There's a lot of issues with A that involve sexual assault, grooming etc. but the other characters are not aware of this and it forms A's private internal battle that unfolds slowly through book 1. In book 2, it'll be explored more so I'd be tempted to write that query from A's POV... but again, I'll cross that bridge later.

Dunno if that makes sense but if my head is a muddle, writing it down, breaking it down and listing usually helps put things back a little less cluttered. And a walk. A damn long walk. Headphones and music optional.

I think including the trigger warning is definitely the way to go if you do decide to go from the guy's POV.

 

[owlion]

I can do a word count of scenes with each character and find out who's on-page most. Dan (male MC) was definitely onscreen more before the last round of edits, but I think it's more equal now. He might still have a bit more time. And the novel also starts and ends with Dan. Hmmm. But he's too dopey to drive much of the plot! Gah, why did I write the book like this??

I don't think you need to be that precise, though if he also starts the story, that's in his favour for being the focus of the query. Still, you could try writing a query for each of them, then a combined one and see which you think works best? There also might be examples of multiple POV novel queries around that could help, or even blurbs for multiple POV novels!

 

[Unimportant]

Hi all,

Apologies if this is in the wrong forum.

I'd appreciate some advice on writing my query, which has been going so well so far...not. My novel is a dual POV YA contemporary with pretty mature themes. After my latest round of edits, the female and male MCs have roughly equal screen time, but the male MC is probably the 'main character' as he's in POV at the climax of the novel. He's also a little more sympathetic, according to beta readers and my own opinion. But he's less active in driving the plot so it's quite hard to write the query from his POV.

Difficult to advise without seeing the query/reading the ms, but....

The problem with writing the query from the female POV is this. She suffers a (graphic on-page) sexual assault at the very beginning of the novel and is trying to come to terms with it thereafter. I hate that phrase but it seems to be the phrase du jour, so...

Maybe focus on the effect of the rape, rather than the rape itself? Is she suffering physically? Emotionally? Is she angry, depressed, suicidal, seeking vengeance, seeing herself as a victim, seeing herself as being at fault? If it's "Jane is street kid, busking with a ukelele to keep herself fed. After being raped by her father, and disbelieved and disowned by her mother, she trusts nothing and no one" then the rape precipitated things, but her problem is being homeless and utterly untrusting. Kids who get kicked out of the house for being queer can relate to this story. If it's "Jane always wanted to have five or six kids. Even eight, maybe. But she'll have none: she acquired gonorrhea from her rapist and it's permanently scarred her fallopian tubes" then the rape precipitated things, but her problem is being infertile.

 

[Jazz Club]

Which character do you / your BETAs find the most interesting?
Could you do a brief outline of both characters' plots (scene by scene) and see who has the most to offer the queries? I write multiple POVs and sometimes, they get wound into each other so much, I struggle to separate their individual story lines as well as the one they share. I'm so tired I'm not sure if I'm making sense but mine would be:

Yeah I could try one from each of their POVs and and a dual one and see which one works best. Thanks!! A walk is a good idea but it was pouring here all day today. Maybe tomorrow

 

[Woollybear]

I'm striking through, since I did not read the original post carefully enough.

The way the question is posed here it sounds like the rape does not impact the male character one iota.

I'd suggest putting a little thought toward what would make this male character as compelling as possible to the agent.

If the character has a strong reaction to the fact of the rape, he might well be more compelling (to the agent). This could be a solution in the query as well... the point being that a story in which a male character is blase' about a rape to someone he cares about... may have storytelling issues.

 

[Jazz Club]

The way the question is posed here it sounds like the rape does not impact the male character one iota.

I'd suggest putting a little thought toward what would make this male character as compelling as possible to the agent.

If the character has a strong reaction to the fact of the rape, he might well be more compelling (to the agent). This could be a solution in the query as well... the point being that a story in which a male character is blase' about a rape to someone he cares about... may have storytelling issues.

I didn't say he was blasé about it. He doesn't know it happened.

Or should I just write the query from the male MC's POV and mention that the assault happens to the female character (but then, he doesn't know, so that wouldn't make much sense...).

 

[Woollybear]

Aha, apologies. I assumed he knew and did not read carefully, mea culpa.

 

[Sage]

I don’t see any problem with adding the trigger warning in the housekeeping section, which is not from either character’s POV, regardless of whose you choose from the query

 

[ChandraStorm]

Maybe it helps if you don't focus on the POV so much. A query should focus on the main story line and not muddy the waters there, but it does not have to use or be limited to one of the POVs of the book. What is the main story arc? And does the rape influence that in a major way? Is it even the inciting incident (even if the male MC does not know it is)? Then it should probably be in there. If it is just the reason that the female MC is struggling emotionally in the story, but it is not really her story you are telling, then it does not need to be mentioned (except maybe in a trigger warning if you choose to use one). What's your pitch? Your one sentence summary? That's the story your query should focus on. If the sexual assault is an important part of that, mention it (as I said, it does not mean you are limited to the female MCs POV for the rest of the query). If it is isn't, leave it out and concentrate on the more important bits.

On the other hand, if the sexual assault is not that important for the main story arc, it probably should not be happening graphic on-page anyway. Especially in a YA novel.

 

[Brigid Barry]

+1 to Sage. I have an on page assault but it's not part of the query because it's not part of the main plot.

 

[VeryBigBeard]

Broadly speaking, I think you have to query the book you've written.

Rape as a plot device is a trope. Like any trope, it can be done brilliantly or terribly. A lot of times, it's done gratuitously, which is why it catches such (deserved) flak, but that's not to say yours is gratuitous, right? If you're trying to avoid it, it might be worth evaluating how central to the story it really is. But I can't say that from here.

In general, assume agents have seen it all. And sensitive issues aren't necessarily a bad thing. The reason tropes like this are tropes is that they come up a lot, which means readers have seen it all, too.

Just be true to your story. See where it goes. Write another one while you wait.

 

[Jazz Club]

Broadly speaking, I think you have to query the book you've written.

Rape as a plot device is a trope. Like any trope, it can be done brilliantly or terribly. A lot of times, it's done gratuitously, which is why it catches such (deserved) flak, but that's not to say yours is gratuitous, right? If you're trying to avoid it, it might be worth evaluating how central to the story it really is. But I can't say that from here.

In general, assume agents have seen it all. And sensitive issues aren't necessarily a bad thing. The reason tropes like this are tropes is that they come up a lot, which means readers have seen it all, too.

Just be true to your story. See where it goes. Write another one while you wait.

I'm not 'trying to avoid it', exactly. It's not a plot device, it drives the plot, if that makes any difference. It's not gratuitous though many don't seem to believe that. It's hard to explain. I thought writing this story might help some people, but now I'm realising many just think it's unnecessary and in poor taste to portray these things and are judging me for it. I'm finding it hard to get up the courage to send out queries. Now I just want to put the book in the cupboard and never show it to anyone else. And that's pretty much where I am now.

 

[Fuchsia Groan]

I'm not 'trying to avoid it', exactly. It's not a plot device, it drives the plot, if that makes any difference. It's not gratuitous though many don't seem to believe that. It's hard to explain. I thought writing this story might help some people, but now I'm realising many just think it's unnecessary and in poor taste to portray these things and are judging me for it. I'm finding it hard to get up the courage to send out queries. Now I just want to put the book in the cupboard and never show it to anyone else. And that's pretty much where I am now.

That belief is out there, yes (I’ve certainly seen it expressed on Twitter). But people (including teens) who have experienced sexual assault or abuse and might be helped by reading your story are also out there. YA books with those elements do get published, including my latest release (though the SA is backstory and not on-page). Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson is considered a YA classic.

People are justly wary of stories where a female character’s rape is primarily used to further the growth of the male protagonist, but it doesn’t sound like your story falls into that category. Does the plot take the form of a mystery that the male character is solving, and the past rape turns out to be part of the answer? It does sound like the reader knows more than the male protagonist about what’s driving the plot, which poses potential problems for querying.

But don’t put it in a cupboard because of the content. YA books about rape have existed at least since the 1970s. (I read an early one called Why Me? The Story of Jennie that was really helpful in demystifying the subject and cutting through the stigma.) Just use warnings to alert readers who don’t want to read about rape under any circumstances. I put mine on Goodreads.

 

[Jazz Club]

That belief is out there, yes (I’ve certainly seen it expressed on Twitter). But people (including teens) who have experienced sexual assault or abuse and might be helped by reading your story are also out there. YA books with those elements do get published, including my latest release (though the SA is backstory and not on-page). Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson is considered a YA classic.

Yeah true, thank you. I should probably get on twitter and see what people think of this issue instead of just assuming everyone would be OK with my book.

People are justly wary of stories where a female character’s rape is primarily used to further the growth of the male protagonist, but it doesn’t sound like your story falls into that category. Does the plot take the form of a mystery that the male character is solving, and the past rape turns out to be part of the answer?

No, no, not at all. My original question probably should've been even longer to make all this clear, but I thought I'd gone on long enough. The male MC never finds out the female character was attacked; she doesn't want to tell him. And her SA has nothing to do with his 'mystery'. I definitely didn't want to fall into the trope of the female character's trauma being used in service of the male character's plot.

 

[Fuchsia Groan]

Yeah true, thank you. I should probably get on twitter and see what people think of this issue instead of just assuming everyone would be OK with my book.

No, no, not at all. My original question probably should've been even longer to make all this clear, but I thought I'd gone on long enough. The male MC never finds out the female character was attacked; she doesn't want to tell him. And her SA has nothing to do with his 'mystery'. I definitely didn't want to fall into the trope of the female character's trauma being used in service of the male character's plot.

The opposite opinion is out there on Twitter too—as with most things! You’ll find a lot of people saying they don’t want to read about SA (which is certainly a valid preference) and other people saying that writing and reading about it has been extremely helpful and healing for them.

If the male MC never learns about the rape, but the rape drives the plot, I guess my question would be: How central is the male MC to the plot, really? I don’t think the MC necessarily has to drive the plot, but normally if there’s some big secret driving the plot, the MC learns it at some point. I don’t know your story, though, so I’ll shut up now!

 

[Jazz Club]

If the male MC never learns about the rape, but the rape drives the plot, I guess my question would be: How central is the male MC to the plot, really? I don’t think the MC necessarily has to drive the plot, but normally if there’s some big secret driving the plot, the MC learns it at some point. I don’t know your story, though, so I’ll shut up now!

Yeah fair question! No need to shut up There are two plots, really, of equal importance. The male MC's mother has been wrongly accused of a computer crime and he wants to clear her name, which I think of as the thriller plot. Then there's the 'drama' plot if that's the right word (I just mean it focuses more on emotions and relationships), in which the sexual assault takes place, and also whole bunch of stuff about friendship and betrayal also takes place. But the plots do come together a lot too because a lot of the same charcaters are involved in both. It's really hard to explain, probably because I broke a bunch of rules about plotting and straddling genres while I wrote it.

And the male MC is possibly on page slightly more, but he's often reacting to events rather than driving the plot, which is why I thought it might be better to write the query from the female MC's point of view.

You’ll find a lot of people saying they don’t want to read about SA (which is certainly a valid preference) and other people saying that writing and reading about it has been extremely helpful and healing for them.

Yep. Also, I was hoping people who have no experience of SA might find it useful to read, since there's so much secrecy about these things. IMO a lot of people can't empathise with victims of SA because of this lack of information and this code of secrecy, and it's part of the reason for their callousness. Then you get victim-blaming, people wondering why victims haven't 'got over it' yet, people not wanting to ruin a 'promising young man's life for 20 minutes of action', and so forth.

For some reason (misogyny, although this applies to male victims too so not exclusively misogyny) some people really have more sympathy for the accused than the accuser, when it comes down to it. So I was trying to offer a counterbalance to that by basically showing how awful it is for the victim in very visceral terms. I'm trying to say to these people 'yeah maybe you don't want to ruin the accused young man's life over a "mistake", but what if he's already done a pretty good job of ruining the victim's life? Don't you care about that?'

Society needs to start treating victims better, and I think it starts with lifting some of this secrecy and shame, instead of talking about these things in vague, whispered terms and trying our best not to think too much about them.

So that's what I was going for. Whether I achieved it or not is debatable.

 

[VeryBigBeard]

I didn't mean to discourage you. Quite the opposite.

Don't write a book to help someone. It won't work. People are far too complex and far too individual to control that and it's not a one-to-one interaction, anyway. If someone says later they were touched by your writing, that's a wonderful feeling, but it's absolutely not something you can control. Plus you write for thousands of readers, hopefully. Not one.

Don't write to change the world, either. Same reasons. Write the story because you want to tell this story and, if you're satisfied with it, that's what matters.

Other people will do with it as they wish, as is a reader's right. They paid $9.99 plus applicable taxes for it.

I should probably get on twitter and see what people think of this issue instead of just assuming everyone would be OK with my book.

Wouldn't recommend this, either, honestly. I've never heard of a good book that was written with Twitter's input. If you ask what people think on there, you will get the gamut from every possible extreme, including a few as-yet-undiscovered, all beautifully biased to your own particular bubble.

In short, not useful.

Absolute Write has (or had?) a motto: write hard, write true. I've always found that very wise advice to go by whenever I have these kinds of concerns.

 

[Brigid Barry]

After reading a few more recent comments I just want to put my two cents in. For some reason I am having a very hard time articulating this, so please bear with me.

I think the reason why an assumption is made that the on-page SA is gratuitous is because a lot of times it is. Game of Thrones and Outlander come to mind, and I'd put money on it not being in their queries (assuming GRRM or Diana Gabaldon actually had to query). That doesn't mean it's always gratuitous. I think there may also be concerns about it being there for titillation, or people using it that way.

Echoing what someone else said: a lot of children and teens have trauma that they don't see on TV or in books because it's underrepresented.

Emphasis mine:

Society needs to start treating victims better, and I think it starts with lifting some of this secrecy and shame, instead of talking about these things in vague, whispered terms and trying our best not to think too much about them.

^100% this, although I believe some people prefer to be called "survivors" rather than victims.

Presenting the SA in the query vs the thriller plot is going to make your book fall into a different genre. Dumb question (that I'm only asking because I've done it), have you accidentally written two separate books here that happen to be sharing pages?

Write the query that represents your novel and your plot, in the POV of the character who is actively driving the plot forward. That's in the Dos and Don'ts, or the verbs sticky, I believe. If that doesn't include the SA, down in the housekeeping, add something like "Content warning: FMC experiences an on-page SA" and then another few words about why it's relevant to the plot. Also, stick with "SA", the "r-word" can be triggery for some people. There are agents who specifically say that they absolutely will not represent something with SA, but I don't think that's particularly common. Then make a note of where it is in the MS, and repeat the content warning if you send pages.

Don't not query because you are addressing a sensitive topic, just find the right agents to query and the right way to present it.

ETA: I am also going to say don't ask Twitter. I don't think anything good can come from it!

 

[Unimportant]

I'm not 'trying to avoid it', exactly. It's not a plot device, it drives the plot, if that makes any difference. It's not gratuitous though many don't seem to believe that. It's hard to explain. I thought writing this story might help some people, but now I'm realising many just think it's unnecessary and in poor taste to portray these things and are judging me for it. I'm finding it hard to get up the courage to send out queries. Now I just want to put the book in the cupboard and never show it to anyone else. And that's pretty much where I am now.

I think you're misreading the room here.

Write the book you want to read (it sounds like you've done that).

Recognise that SA is a touchy subject (it sounds like you've done that) and that, importantly, it has been used as a convenient trope far too many times (it sounds like you've done that) and that you don't want to give an agent even the tiniest hint that there is even the tiniest hint of fridging is happening here (it sounds like you've realised that but aren't one hundred percent confident you've nailed the query).

Which takes us back to -- and this isn't a challenge, it isn't a question you have to answer to me or anyone else here, but it is I think a question you'll find useful to help yourself -- what happens to the MC because of the rape? What does she have to deal with because of the rape? Imagine, for a moment, that five minutes after the rape her rapist could erase the entire memory and evidence. She'd have no story, right? So it's not the rape, per se, that is her story; it's how the rape affects her afterwards.

In crass writerly terms: you want to take your MC and drop her in the shit. In this case, you've used rape as an inciting incident to drop her in the shit. What we're asking is: what shit has it dropped her into? Because everyone's experience of rape, and what shit it drops them into, will be unique to them. And, based on what admittedly little I've seen of this thread and your query thread, you're not conveying to the reader what shit she's in because of the inciting incident. The questions in this thread are more probing because what we're also saying is that your query has an extra job to do: it also has to convince the reader/agent that there isn't a less triggering inciting incident you could choose, other than rape, to drop the MC into the same shit, i.e. getting chucked out of the house by strict parents for being caught with marijuana, or catching a disease by having consensual sex and having to undergo embarrassing personal internal assessments, or whatever -- we can't guess, because we don't yet grok the MC's personal situation post-rape. Convince the agent that there is no other way to shove the MC into this story.

 

[Jazz Club]

I didn't mean to discourage you. Quite the opposite.

Don't write a book to help someone. It won't work. People are far too complex and far too individual to control that and it's not a one-to-one interaction, anyway. If someone says later they were touched by your writing, that's a wonderful feeling, but it's absolutely not something you can control. Plus you write for thousands of readers, hopefully. Not one.

Yeah I know what you mean. 'Help' might've been the wrong word. It sounds pretty egotistical.

Don't write to change the world, either. Same reasons. Write the story because you want to tell this story and, if you're satisfied with it, that's what matters.

Yeah I do want to tell the story. I suppose that's the way to look at it. You can't control how people read it, I suppose. You could write the most uncontroversial thing in the world and someone might still take issue.

Wouldn't recommend this, either, honestly. I've never heard of a good book that was written with Twitter's input. If you ask what people think on there, you will get the gamut from every possible extreme, including a few as-yet-undiscovered, all beautifully biased to your own particular bubble.

In short, not useful.

Yeah I'll probably not check it out then.

After reading a few more recent comments I just want to put my two cents in. For some reason I am having a very hard time articulating this, so please bear with me.

I think the reason why an assumption is made that the on-page SA is gratuitous is because a lot of times it is. Game of Thrones and Outlander come to mind, and I'd put money on it not being in their queries (assuming GRRM or Diana Gabaldon actually had to query). That doesn't mean it's always gratuitous. I think there may also be concerns about it being there for titillation, or people using it that way.

Yeah, fair. Yet George RR Martin doesn't seem to get too much stick for it (or does he? I suppose it depends who you ask). I've never read the books but I watched a little of the TV show and it did seem pretty gratuitous to me. I guess he'd argue that down to the people who produced the TV show.

Echoing what someone else said: a lot of children and teens have trauma that they don't see on TV or in books because it's underrepresented.

Emphasis mine:

^100% this, although I believe some people prefer to be called "survivors" rather than victims.

Great point. Sorry. Some don't like that wording either, so I wasn't sure which word to use. I should've used both. Or 'people who have experienced sexual assault'.

Presenting the SA in the query vs the thriller plot is going to make your book fall into a different genre. Dumb question (that I'm only asking because I've done it), have you accidentally written two separate books here that happen to be sharing pages?

Yes I think so.

Write the query that represents your novel and your plot, in the POV of the character who is actively driving the plot forward. That's in the Dos and Don'ts, or the verbs sticky, I believe. If that doesn't include the SA, down in the housekeeping, add something like "Content warning: FMC experiences an on-page SA" and then another few words about why it's relevant to the plot. Also, stick with "SA", the "r-word" can be triggery for some people. There are agents who specifically say that they absolutely will not represent something with SA, but I don't think that's particularly common. Then make a note of where it is in the MS, and repeat the content warning if you send pages.

Don't not query because you are addressing a sensitive topic, just find the right agents to query and the right way to present it.

OK. Thanks for the encouragement. I'll take a few days to think anyway.

ETA: I am also going to say don't ask Twitter. I don't think anything good can come from it!

Yup noted!

 

[Brigid Barry]

Yeah, fair. Yet George RR Martin doesn't seem to get too much stick for it (or does he? I suppose it depends who you ask). I've never read the books but I watched a little of the TV show and it did seem pretty gratuitous to me. I guess he'd argue that down to the people who produced the TV show.

He has, it's just more accepted than it is objected to. This one happens to be my favorite.

 

[Jazz Club]

I think you're misreading the room here.

Possibly. I don't mean to be argumentative at all. I appreciate everyone's advice enormously but it's hard to convey that in text, and I might be coming across a bit blunt when I don't mean to be. (And all my rants about society's views of victims are not aimed at anyone here, they're just supposed to be an explanation of my muddled thought process).

Write the book you want to read (it sounds like you've done that).

Yes.

Recognise that SA is a touchy subject (it sounds like you've done that) and that, importantly, it has been used as a convenient trope far too many times (it sounds like you've done that) and that you don't want to give an agent even the tiniest hint that there is even the tiniest hint of fridging is happening here (it sounds like you've realised that but aren't one hundred percent confident you've nailed the query).

Definitely no fridging.

In crass writerly terms: you want to take your MC and drop her in the shit. In this case, you've used rape as an inciting incident to drop her in the shit. What we're asking is: what shit has it dropped her into? Because everyone's experience of rape, and what shit it drops them into, will be unique to them. And, based on what admittedly little I've seen of this thread and your query thread, you're not conveying to the reader what shit she's in because of the inciting incident. The questions in this thread are more probing because what we're also saying is that your query has an extra job to do: it also has to convince the reader/agent that there isn't a less triggering inciting incident you could choose, other than rape, to drop the MC into the same shit, i.e. getting chucked out of the house by strict parents for being caught with marijuana, or catching a disease by having consensual sex and having to undergo embarrassing personal internal assessments, or whatever -- we can't guess, because we don't yet grok the MC's personal situation post-rape. Convince the agent that there is no other way to shove the MC into this story.

Yeah I know what you mean, but it isn't that I'm using it to 'shove her into a story'. It's more that the assault and what happens after it and how she processes it *is* her story. And I know what you mean: I have to make that really clear, rather than make it seem like the assault just 'starts off' this story. That's a good way of looking at it.

Basically, after it she's numb and traumatised, obviously. It starts to derail everything in her life. She cheats wth her boyfriend's best friend (also controversial, but seeking out another sexual experience is a pretty common repsonse to sexual assault). And so she loses her boyfriend. She grows apart from her girlfriends because she blames them for wandering off and leaving her alone at the party where she was attacked. She gets more withdrawn and stops going out as much and her grades suffer. She can't be with the boyfriend's best friend (the male MC, the only man she feels safe with) because he still feels bad about the cheating.

So all that stuff is going wrong, but she realises she can help/protect her father and the male MC (in the thriller plot). So she throws herself into that in an obsessive attempt to take back the control she lost during the assault. And the trauma is always there in the background. And that's pretty much it. But I find it so hard to explain in the query.