Hey, all!
I am seeking another beta for the first 3ish chapters (~21K) of my fantasy MS that is being rejected out in the wilds of Queryland. I'm also reworking the query in QLH (problems must be investigated from all angles!) It has already had several pairs of eyes over it, but I am getting the feeling that something obviously sucks lol (self-deprecating humor is a specialty of mine). There should be no need for any line by line stuff--it has been revised, edited, and polished about three or four times now to check for typos and other little nasties.
Query (version that has been declared defunct, but gives a basic idea of both my voice and the plot):
Roth Kaav is sick of kowtowing to noble officers who have half his brains and twice his coin. His career is stalled by his peasant birth, and his commanding officer is just looking for an excuse to have him flogged. Being an honest soldier has gotten him nowhere, so he’s decided to try being a double agent for some rebel upstarts instead.
Being a traitor is a hell of a lot more exciting than teaching teenage boys how to swing swords. Bonus: stealing military secrets is pretty damn easy when you’re invited to the meetings. All Roth has to do is help start a civil war, dethrone a tyrant, and maybe garrote his commanding officer. Simple stuff.
At least, it was simple—right until he’s caught stealing information by Ilse, the daughter of the man he’s supposed to be dethroning. As it turns out, Roth isn’t the only one who hates her father. Ilse is more than willing to trade secrets for the chance at a new life far from her psychotic family. It even sounds like she’d be okay with Roth tagging along.
Oddly enough, being paid to wipe out the entire ruling family did not come with a save-one-for-later clause. Time is running out, and Roth can’t trust a ragtag army of mercenaries and escaped prisoners to storm the castle and leave Ilse alive. Now, every step he takes puts her in more danger. Succeeding at what he set out to do will kill her. Failing will kill him.
I am seeking another beta for the first 3ish chapters (~21K) of my fantasy MS that is being rejected out in the wilds of Queryland. I'm also reworking the query in QLH (problems must be investigated from all angles!) It has already had several pairs of eyes over it, but I am getting the feeling that something obviously sucks lol (self-deprecating humor is a specialty of mine). There should be no need for any line by line stuff--it has been revised, edited, and polished about three or four times now to check for typos and other little nasties.
- Genre: Fantasy, but without magic. Set in a Renaissance era world in a climate similar to north Florida/south Georgia. Features some megafauna/flora. Swearing. Morally ambiguous people and some that are downright nasty.
- Authors I Like: Richard K. Morgan, Shelley Parker-Chan, Anna Smith Spark, James S. Corey
- Feedback: I need to know what is wrong with it. Life is being pretty mean to me right now in a variety of ways, so I might need a little more softness than I would normally request.
- Publishing: Goal is to trade publish. Self-publishing both impresses and scares me, and I don't know that I'm cut out for that lol.
- Credentials: Have read book at some point in life.
- Can Return Favor: Circa start of December. Got some work, grad school, and health stuff happening, but two of those will be cleared up by then.
Query (version that has been declared defunct, but gives a basic idea of both my voice and the plot):
Roth Kaav is sick of kowtowing to noble officers who have half his brains and twice his coin. His career is stalled by his peasant birth, and his commanding officer is just looking for an excuse to have him flogged. Being an honest soldier has gotten him nowhere, so he’s decided to try being a double agent for some rebel upstarts instead.
Being a traitor is a hell of a lot more exciting than teaching teenage boys how to swing swords. Bonus: stealing military secrets is pretty damn easy when you’re invited to the meetings. All Roth has to do is help start a civil war, dethrone a tyrant, and maybe garrote his commanding officer. Simple stuff.
At least, it was simple—right until he’s caught stealing information by Ilse, the daughter of the man he’s supposed to be dethroning. As it turns out, Roth isn’t the only one who hates her father. Ilse is more than willing to trade secrets for the chance at a new life far from her psychotic family. It even sounds like she’d be okay with Roth tagging along.
Oddly enough, being paid to wipe out the entire ruling family did not come with a save-one-for-later clause. Time is running out, and Roth can’t trust a ragtag army of mercenaries and escaped prisoners to storm the castle and leave Ilse alive. Now, every step he takes puts her in more danger. Succeeding at what he set out to do will kill her. Failing will kill him.
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