References to Death

[Gehenna]

Great discussion!

I'd say if you only want to say uncle Bob is dead, then just go for it (ofc in a tasteful manner). You do not need to explain what death is or what happens after if you're not writing that kind of book (there are specialized kids books that try to explain death, some more on the religious side, others not). I have to be honest though, I have not seen death reference in any of my kid's books so far. Kid is almost 5 and all the modern ones we have, or older ones, nobody has died.
Same for kid shows. The most popular ones don't have dead characters, or rarely go into explaining that. They concentrate on basic teachings- to be kind, good, what it means to get a little brother/sister, playing games and such.
Our fave series is like Book 1- why you shouldn't fear the dark, 2- why you need to share, 3- why you need to bathe, 4- why you need to be brave... U know. Death hasn't made an appearance.

Now some will say Snow White OG and the others, but dare I counter that few people read the original to their kids and that is not quite appropriate for a 4 year old IMO

Movies are another story- The Lion king, Nemo, Up and so many more, all have a variation and explanation of death. Kid accidentally "learned" a version of what dying means more than a year ago. I was preparing for 'that' question when we played The Lion king (I was debating not showing that one to kid until 6 years old, but then I heard most of the other kids in the kindergarten group have watched it and I was like WTF). I'm not going to go into details out of respect for the family, but kid has a friend who had to learn from a very young age what death means.
I was totally shocked when my kid explained to me that when you die, you become a star and you watch over your loved ones from above.

That family tried to soften the blow for their kid, and even my atheist butt is OK with such an explanation for a 4 year old. Around 3-4 most understand the concept that they will never see the person again. Any other embellishments will depend on beliefs and parenting style.
The main question for me is- what will the kid story gain from such a reference?

 

[Akvranel]

I was preparing for 'that' question when we played The Lion king (I was debating not showing that one to kid until 6 years old, but then I heard most of the other kids in the kindergarten group have watched it and I was like WTF). I'm not going to go into details out of respect for the family, but kid has a friend who had to learn from a very young age what death means.

I think my kid saw Lion King when he was 3 (spouse loves it). He's almost six and still under the impression that Mufasa simply fell down. Sometimes the topic just goes over their head.

Same for kid shows. The most popular ones don't have dead characters, or rarely go into explaining that.

In the words of Avatar the Last Airbender (which is technically a spoiler so I'll hide it)
Zuko: "Did Jet just . . . die?"
Sokka: "You know, it was really unclear."

 

[Jennifer_Laughran]

Agent here: a picture book ABOUT DEATH should, IMO, just say "dead"/"died", rather than use a euphemism, and obviously there ARE picture books about death, so, hey. It's a real topic, and there are real books that address that topic in an age-appropriate manner, and its easy enough to read them to get an idea of what that manner might be IF that is the kind of book you want to write. (Some of them, like THE DEAD BIRD, even have it in the title!)

But a picture book that is otherwise funny/lighthearted/fantastical, which is what it sounds like you are talking about here, could easily do something less serious sounding than "Passed On" or "Died" -- like, the Big Bad Wolf might eat you up! The witch might turn you into candy!

Just because a) kids are used to that "light scare" kind of thing, and like it -- it's "dangerous" but they know THEY are not going to get eaten up or turned into candy, so it isn't TOO dangerous! and b) you just don't know if some wee child is going to then need to have the concept of DEATH explained to them in the middle of what had been a fun book, or if some kid might have had the experience of a family member dying, and be sensitive to that being used as a prank/trick, rendering a fun book not-so-fun.