Penitentiary Pacific The Movie

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Celia Cyanide

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Okay, everyone...remember how I submitted my resume and headshot for the craigslist.org ad I saw for Penitentiary Pacific The Movie? And I told you all that I would keep you updated? Well, you would not believe the email I got yesterday!

Congratulations, you have been selected for the next phase of the preliminary casting process.

Well, great! Except:

Along with your professional profile, the requirement for casting consideration is that you as a nominee, must compose a full page essay about which Penitentiary Pacific character you think you can bring to life, emphasizing what your opinion is about this character's outcome in the novel. In addition, would you change this character's fate? If so, explain how.

If you do not have a copy of the novel, please refer to the site below:
www.search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?userid=u56DiQSBMO&isbn=1413745229&itm=1

Okay...so, apparently...my next step in the audition process is to write a book report! Obviously, you are expected to read the whole book, since this is "emphasizing what your opinion is about the character's outcome." So he expects all the actors to buy his book (because everyone knows you can't get PublishAmerica books in libraries) and write a two page paper. How many people do you think will actually do this? I think actors who don't usually write will be intimidated, and actors who can write will be put off by the except posted at bn.com.

Still, this is a great marketing ploy. Con would-be actors into thinking they have a shot at getting into a feature film. Tell them that the next step in the audition process is to buy your PA book and write an essay. If you ever hear back from them, just ignore them, and they'll assume they didn't make the cut. It happens to actors all the time. They should be used to it by now.
 

PeeDee

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On the one hand, it's pathetic that a PAer would have to do that just to get someone to look at their book. On the other hand, it's a damned clever form of pathetic... :)
 

My-Immortal

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Celia Cyanide said:
Okay, everyone...remember how I submitted my resume and headshot for the craigslist.org ad I saw for Penitentiary Pacific The Movie? And I told you all that I would keep you updated? Well, you would not believe the email I got yesterday!

Congratulations, you have been selected for the next phase of the preliminary casting process.

Well, great! Except:

Along with your professional profile, the requirement for casting consideration is that you as a nominee, must compose a full page essay about which Penitentiary Pacific character you think you can bring to life, emphasizing what your opinion is about this character's outcome in the novel. In addition, would you change this character's fate? If so, explain how.

If you do not have a copy of the novel, please refer to the site below:
www.search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?userid=u56DiQSBMO&isbn=1413745229&itm=1

Okay...so, apparently...my next step in the audition process is to write a book report! Obviously, you are expected to read the whole book, since this is "emphasizing what your opinion is about the character's outcome." So he expects all the actors to buy his book (because everyone knows you can't get PublishAmerica books in libraries) and write a two page paper. How many people do you think will actually do this? I think actors who don't usually write will be intimidated, and actors who can write will be put off by the except posted at bn.com.

Still, this is a great marketing ploy. Con would-be actors into thinking they have a shot at getting into a feature film. Tell them that the next step in the audition process is to buy your PA book and write an essay. If you ever hear back from them, just ignore them, and they'll assume they didn't make the cut. It happens to actors all the time. They should be used to it by now.

Not only that, but he's also looking for ways to have his book rewritten.

Maybe the next step in the 'casting process' will be for actors to send in copies of at least 10 friend's book reports (as a way to prove that the actor will have friends willing to see the movie)....and then the next step will be for prospective actors to buy a hundred books and sell them to show dedication to the book and movie....etc.etc....

Good luck Celia.
 

Maryn

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Oh, wow. This is both wonderful and awful, isn't it?

I sincerely hope someone has been taking notes and puts this bozo's actions in their next novel.

Maryn, who find this sales method hilariously disgusting
 

Richard

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Hahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....

Shouldn't he at least mail around, I don't know, the script for this, rather than expecting everyone to use the book?
 

My-Immortal

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Richard said:
Hahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....

Shouldn't he at least mail around, I don't know, the script for this, rather than expecting everyone to use the book?

Maybe that's the next thing he'll 'publish' - and then he'll require would-be actors to purchase copies of the scripts....

And then when changes are made it will get reprinted and of course would-be actors would have to buy the updated script....

Etc.etc.etc...
 

PeeDee

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Okay, read your line please:

"But im not really ur sister an i love u i said with tearful eyez as my heart broke and hurt."

No, no, you're only supposed to read the dialogue. That's the part inside the quotation thingies. Gawd, actors!

"Uhm. There are no qutation thingies."

So go put some in! Can't you use a computer! Gawd! I'll be in my trailer! Gawd!

......
honestly, this has Stephen Speilberg written all over it. He'd jump on it if he weren't making his Jurassic Park IV opus right now.
 

My-Immortal

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"What the hell is that?"

"It's the tension-heater...."

"But that's not what it looks like. Get something else! Oh and while you're at it I said a 6 ounce bottle of super-glue...."
 

PeeDee

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No, no, that's less "crap novel, crap movie" and more "Pinky and the Brain". You're getting them mixed up, Immortal.

(NARF!)
 

My-Immortal

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PeeDee said:
No, no, that's less "crap novel, crap movie" and more "Pinky and the Brain". You're getting them mixed up, Immortal.

(NARF!)

Doh! And here I thought I was aiming for "Dumb and Dumber"..... <sigh>
 

PeeDee

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Good try, honest, you were close. But you needed more poop/boobs references in that single sentence to get it. Also, some sort of typed-out disgusting noise.

But hey, you'll get the hang of it, don't worry.
 

My-Immortal

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emeraldcite said:
What a shill.

I wonder if it's all about selling books....

I can't imagine that it's all about not selling books.....
 

PeeDee

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Either that, or he's really desperate for someone to actually give him feedback on his novel...
 

My-Immortal

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PeeDee said:
Either that, or he's really desperate for someone to actually give him feedback on his novel...

If that was your book, wouldn't you? :)
 

DaveKuzminski

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I'm beginning to suspect that P&E will have to open a whole new category titled Writer Perpetrated Scams. :(
 

PeeDee

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I love feedback on my stuff. I would never, however, sink that low. I mean, there are some cute writer gimmicks out there, but this just isn't one of them. This is like calling someone up at 2am and saying "Please, read my book. Just a little of it. Pwetty pwease?"
 

PeeDee

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DaveKuzminski said:
I'm beginning to suspect that P&E will have to open a whole new category titled Writer Perpetrated Scams. :(

That could very comfortably be a sub-category under PA's bible-sized listing.
 

Celia Cyanide

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Richard said:
Hahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....

Shouldn't he at least mail around, I don't know, the script for this, rather than expecting everyone to use the book?

Yes, that is EXACTLY what I told him! I said that I might be interested in a character that would be written out of the screenplay. What then? But the first ad said it would be a collaborative effort, so he wants to get some input on the characters from the actors themselves!

And if he is filming a movie, he obviously wants to cast actors who don't want to change anything about his genius story!

The funny thing is, if this were a legitimate publishing company that was willing to provide copies of the novel, I would totally do this. I think it sounds like a fun project for an audition. But even if I didn't know about PA, I would not BUY a copy of a book for a movie I didn't know I would ever get into.
 

My-Immortal

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I think watching a movie about a guy that wrote a book and then started doing anything / everything to push it including scamming people into believing he was making a movie out of it just so that it would be read staring someone like Steve Buscemi might be fun....
 

Richard

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Celia Cyanide said:
Yes, that is EXACTLY what I told him! I said that I might be interested in a character that would be written out of the screenplay. What then? But the first ad said it would be a collaborative effort, so he wants to get some input on the characters from the actors themselves!

Heh. Very dangerous ground, given the snippets I've read.

"Well, I quite like the murderous, baby-raping thug, but I was wondering...do you think, just maybe he would spend his spare-time doing macrame? Knitting? Something to soften him up a bit. He could be the comedy sidekick who carries the glue!"
 

Richard

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My-Immortal said:
I think watching a movie about a guy that wrote a book and then started doing anything / everything to push it including scamming people into believing he was making a movie out of it just so that it would be read staring someone like Steve Buscemi might be fun....

Yeah, a spiritual sequel to Bowfinger.
 

My-Immortal

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Richard said:
Yeah, a spiritual sequel to Bowfinger.

Yes! Maybe even getting Steve Martin and Steve Buscemi in the same movie...... :)
 

underthecity

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Celia Cyanide said:
if this were a legitimate publishing company that was willing to provide copies of the novel, I would totally do this. I think it sounds like a fun project for an audition. But even if I didn't know about PA, I would not BUY a copy of a book for a movie I didn't know I would ever get into.

I think the author's plan is working. A copy of the book sold today on amazon.

Amazon.com Sales Rank:
Today: #74,908 in Books
Yesterday: #450,125 in Books

allen
 
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