Need clarification for writing: narrative sentence interrupting a dialog sentence, without a dialogue tag

[Sage]

Obviously, there are ways that an author can change up the way they expect the sentence to be read. If “and then” is meant to be the end of the sentence or cut off or trailed off, and, “He died,” is meant to be read as its own complete sentence, punctuating it will look different from what I am about to say.

But if the entire spoken sentence, said without pause, is, “He stood there for three days, and then, he died,” the sentence containing the speaker’s action is punctuated with em-dashes on the outside of the dialogue quotation.

Chicago Manual of Style

If you want to leave out the speech tag, that same convention would require either em dashes or periods, because now the narrative interruption has lost its immediate connection to the spoken dialogue:

“So up there”—Joe pointed at the window—“that was you waving at me?”

CMOS shop talk

Normally, dashes belong to the interrupted speaker. But when the narrator intervenes in the middle of a speech to describe an interrupting action or movement, the dashes are better placed outside the quotation marks. Do this even if the speaker’s words are also interrupted:

“Don’t you dare”—Cassandra paused for a moment to glare at Ralph—“interrupt me.”

I’m failing to see how the OP’s example differs from these two.

But there could be different ways that the OP could get around this, and because this question comes up all the time, but I rarely see an example in books, I suspect authors often revise their interrupted dialogue to avoid this situation prior to publication anyway.

 

[FlightlessBird]

The plan was not to use any dialogue tags, (he said, she murmured... etc.) and to avoid overuse of em-dashes.

Oops. I missed that.

Imagine if a good part of the story has narrative sentence interrupting a dialog sentence, then there will be a lot of em-dashes. Or even ellipses.

I feel that if the story is packed with these, the most likely solution is to have fewer of them. I'm struggling to think of a situation where it's truly impossible to close some of the sentences before the action--or at least find a point where it's possible to 'hear' the speaker stopping as if they're finishing a sentence, as in the last line that you refer to.

If I were to use that strategy with the sample sentence, I'd break it twice, to start the choppy speaking before the action makes it necessary:

"He stood there for three days. And then." She landed on the bed, her arms flung wide. "He died."

 

[AmeliaAlbergee]

I hate to disagree with Sage, who is indeed sage, but I do. (Maryn cowers in fear. Which is really the only way to cower, so the in fear part could be cut.) I think mrsmig is most correct.

What this comes down to is a small, manageable number of issues for your writing group to consider:

• The dialogue is interrupted by an action. Everyone agrees on this!
• It's not clear whether the action is done by the person speaking or someone hearing. Presumably this would be obvious in context, so you all still agree.
• The action cannot be considered a dialogue tag/attribute, a substitution for "she said."
• The interruption is either the speaker trailing off or is abrupt; which it is makes a difference.
• Periods in dialogue are generally used at the end of complete sentences or deliberate sentence fragments that will not be followed by a tag. ("As if," Maryn muttered versus "As if." Maryn left the room.)

So we have three possible outcomes.

1) The person who lands on the bed is not the one talking.
"He stood there for three days, and then--" [emdashes for abrupt interruption]

Maryn landed on the bed, her arms flung wide. [Separate paragraph for actions by someone who is not the person talking. FWIW, I'm not happy with this sentence. More on that in the next version.]

"--he died." [A new paragraph to separate it from the actions of someone other than the person talking, with emdashes for continuity of dialogue that is resumed]

2) The person who lands on the bed is the one talking. She trails off in order to perform her action.

"He stood there for three days, and then..." She {launched herself? Flung herself down? Let herself fall? Lost her balance?} {and} landed on the bed, her arms flung wide. "He died."

This uses ellipses for the trailing off, cuts to a new declarative sentence that is capitalized and punctuated like any one, and finishes with a short but complete sentence in dialogue, which would, of course, start with a capital letter.

The action requires a first step than can cause her to land on the bed. People talking don't just land on beds but leap, fall, tip over, lose their balance, etc. The fall to the bed is an effect lacking a cause.

3) The person who lands on the bed is the one talking, but her self-interruption to perform whatever action lands her on the bed is abrupt.

"He stood there for three days, and then--" She {performed an action and} landed on the bed, her arms flung wide. "He died."

Also correct, if she resumes talking quickly, would be:

"He stood there for three days, and then--" She {performed an action and} landed on the bed, her arms flung wide. "--he died."

This uses an emdash for the abrupt interruption, cuts to a new declarative sentence that is capitalized and punctuated like any other, and finishes either with a short but complete sentence of dialogue, which would, of course, start with a capital letter, or with a second emdash and no capital to indicate the resumption of the interrupted sentence.

Does this make sense? I can't imagine mastery of another language at this level, and I salute the many of you who manage!

Maryn, good with English and little else

Hello Maryn,
thank you for the explanation.
I was trying to avoid em-dashes since i felt they should be reserved for special emphasis. I will have to go back and fix the commas then.

The correct one seems to be:
"He stood there for three days, and then—" She {performed an action and} landed on the bed, her arms flung wide. "—he died."

And thank you for the {performed an action and}. At the time, the speaker was standing on the frame of the bed, I guess I should have used a different word. Sorry, my vocabulary is still lacking.

The only problem that I have now, is dealing with all the em-dashes in the chapter. Time to fix it.

Also, what do you think of the example (last line of first post) posted by Fennel Giraffe in Dialog Punctuation and Capitalization?

 

[Maryn]

Also, what do you think of the example (last line of first post) posted by Fennel Giraffe in Dialog Punctuation and Capitalization?

I agree with it--for American readers. If you are writing for British readers, the rules for where the quotes go differ.

 

[Sage]

I was trying to avoid em-dashes since i felt they should be reserved for special emphasis. I will have to go back and fix the commas then.

For what it’s worth, given the choice between using proper grammatical punctuation & using special emphasis, you should probably choose grammar.

 

[Maryn]

That's smart. No editor or critic can slam the writer when the grammar is correct.

 

[CMBright]

To paraphrase the Dali Lama, "You must know the rules to properly break them". Along with the excellent point that UK English SPaG rules are slightly different from US English SPaG rules upthread. The grammar was about what I thought, other than the new to me distinction about when to use em dashes v when to use ellipses.