Mustangs

jst5150

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I've removed this poem. Thanks.
 
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Kylabelle

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Hi Jason, I like what you're doing here, as I read it, contrasting raw lifeforce (soul power perhaps) with the result of various erosions upon it.

The final two stanzas are the strongest for me; the beginning could be stronger with some tightening. The "-ation" rhymes sound forced, for instance.

Also in the very beginning, the use of "gallant steeds" implies less-than-wild horses, not feral, but ridden, serving the needs of masters gallantly, etc. so maybe rephrase that bit.

Thanks for posting!
 

Kylabelle

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I guess I did too.
 

CassandraW

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I took down one of mine once to do a bit more twiddling with it; I reposted it after I was done. I hope you'll do the same, jst.
 

William Haskins

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i once took one down after threat of legal sanction by disney for what they termed "wholesale appropriation of our brand's doe-eyed optimism."
 

CassandraW

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If you have a fault, William, doe-eyed optimism is surely it. You need not steal from Disney.
 

CassandraW

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I knew we were kindred souls. I have always favored Thumper.
 

Sarita

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I hope this comes back. Always enjoy your poetry, Jt.