Know Your Worth

[Izablue]

Your mistakes are not your identity. Your fears are not your personality. Your body is not who you are, it just contains you.
People's opinions of you are a representation of them, not you. And unfortunately, being the best version of yourself will sometimes bring out the worst in others. So many people in this world are sad, angry, and miserable. When those kinds of folk see you trying to be the best you can be, it reminds them of their own flaws and shortcomings, like rubbing salt in a wound.
Remember: when someone is trying to make you feel bad about yourself, it's because they feel bad about their self. They're trying to make you feel just like them, but don't let them! Kill them with kindness! Be sincere. Eventually they'll stop whatever verbal or mental bullying they're throwing at you. Even if they don't, just move on with your life. You're a doer, a mover, and a shaker. You've got plenty better ways to spend your time then putting up with their garbage, trust me. Don't let them bog you down with a made up fog of lies that tries to cloud out your best qualities.
People will say and do nasty things. Don't feel bad about yourself. You know your worth.

 

[Unimportant]

Good stuff!

And I don't care how weird it is that I value my nonfiction at a minimum of one dollar per word, but I value my fiction at a minimum of two cents per word. It works for me

 

[Magoo0214]

Your mistakes are not your identity. Your fears are not your personality. Your body is not who you are, it just contains you.
People's opinions of you are a representation of them, not you. And unfortunately, being the best version of yourself will sometimes bring out the worst in others. So many people in this world are sad, angry, and miserable. When those kinds of folk see you trying to be the best you can be, it reminds them of their own flaws and shortcomings, like rubbing salt in a wound.
Remember: when someone is trying to make you feel bad about yourself, it's because they feel bad about their self. They're trying to make you feel just like them, but don't let them! Kill them with kindness! Be sincere. Eventually they'll stop whatever verbal or mental bullying they're throwing at you. Even if they don't, just move on with your life. You're a doer, a mover, and a shaker. You've got plenty better ways to spend your time then putting up with their garbage, trust me. Don't let them bog you down with a made up fog of lies that tries to cloud out your best qualities.
People will say and do nasty things. Don't feel bad about yourself. You know your worth.

Hmmm so true I may rework some of your comments into my Protagonis (Jane) and her spiritual advisor (Fr. Lary) as I begin work on my 2nd revision of Secrets in the Mist. Thank you for reminding of these truth.

 

[Siri Kirpal]

Your mistakes are not your identity. Your fears are not your personality. Your body is not who you are, it just contains you.
People's opinions of you are a representation of them, not you. And unfortunately, being the best version of yourself will sometimes bring out the worst in others. So many people in this world are sad, angry, and miserable. When those kinds of folk see you trying to be the best you can be, it reminds them of their own flaws and shortcomings, like rubbing salt in a wound.
Remember: when someone is trying to make you feel bad about yourself, it's because they feel bad about their self. They're trying to make you feel just like them, but don't let them! Kill them with kindness! Be sincere. Eventually they'll stop whatever verbal or mental bullying they're throwing at you. Even if they don't, just move on with your life. You're a doer, a mover, and a shaker. You've got plenty better ways to spend your time then putting up with their garbage, trust me. Don't let them bog you down with a made up fog of lies that tries to cloud out your best qualities.
People will say and do nasty things. Don't feel bad about yourself. You know your worth.

Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

Yes.

We Sikhs have been giving water, medication and support to people on both sides of battlefields, even when they're our personal enemies. And we've been doing this for more than 150 years before the founding of the Red Cross.

I will tell you a story: My Dad and I did not get along, and at one point, he did something that was really beyond the pall as far as I was concerned. And I thought the matter over and decided that when the time came, I would disclaim my share of his estate. I thought this quietly and decided I might change my mind if Mom was the final parent.

Then things got worse, and we became semi-estranged (the sort of thing where you send cards at Christmas, but don't call or visit...which was fine by me). During that period, they changed they're will/trust and sent us all copies. My portion had been cut to slightly less than half of my brothers'. And you know what? I was thrilled! That solved the problem. And I wrote and thanked them. (I kid you not.)

Eventually, the estrangement ended. But his hold on me was gone. I acted as my Mom's respite caregiver during her final illness when her regular caregiver needed a break.

Now, my brothers had always sided with Dad during the dark ages of my childhood. But by the time Mom passed, they were rather embarrassed at having to execute a will/trust that they no longer thought was a good idea. And the end result was that I got what I had most wanted as a kid: vindication and respect. By refusing to rise to the bait, I didn't get hooked in again. And the brother who was executor gave me the best of everything I asked for in the way of disposable personal property, instead of the worst, which the letter and spirit of the will/trust he was executing would have allowed him to do.

Thanks for listening and kindly don't send sympathy. I won.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

 

[danneds]

You know your worth.

This is starting to get easier in my second half of life years. I have wondered how my life could have been different if I had had the insight and self-worth at 25 that I have now, and also wished I could somehow impart these things on young people I see struggling. But maybe each of us individually getting to that point is a developmental milestone, something we need to reach ourselves? I think published writers and screenwriters can actually help, though, by contributing to the cultural context with realistic characters and relationships. Showing that a person's self worth exists in spite of, not because of, the influences around that person. Often, books and media show either an underdog story where bullies and other unsupportive people are "proven wrong" or a utopian society where everyone is accepted. I don't think either of these is healthy. Humans are flawed and I don't think we are ever going to have a society where everyone is supportive of each other. It seems there is a lot of tension and crisis brewing because of schools of thought trying to win out over others. At the root of that is a need for external validation. I love that you started this thread because I believe it's the way forward- support self-worth, rather than trying to make rules to control how other people treat and view you.

I hope my next comment will be received with compassion and not just judged.

I'm watching my transgender daughter struggle and rebel against our small community. She feels she is blocked from succeeding due to being trans and laments that she will need to move somewhere else to be accepted. I don't disagree with her in many ways and I don't claim to understand what it's like to be in her shoes- I can only listen and walk beside her. But this thread resonates with me so much, because this is what I want for her, to know her own worth rather than seeking broad acceptance from everyone, everywhere.

I don't mean that it's ok for there to be discrimination or bigotry, not at all. She has the right to live wherever she wants and to be able to feel comfortable in her own skin. I think there's a middle ground to be found- I know for a fact there are a lot of supportive people in our small town and everywhere, along with the unsupportive. Sometimes you see what you seek. If you want everyone to welcome and accept you with open arms, all the time, you will be disappointed, whether you are trans or not.

I welcome constructive feedback on this because I want to see my adult child thrive in the world and I recognize that although I am trying to be the best mom I can, my approach and personality seem to be not quite the right supports for my daughter.

 

[Siri Kirpal]

I welcome constructive feedback on this because I want to see my adult child thrive in the world and I recognize that although I am trying to be the best mom I can, my approach and personality seem to be not quite the right supports for my daughter.

Sat Nam! (Literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

I think you can let yourself be. You've given space for your adult child to be what she is. Not all parents do. (I can vouch for that.) You can let her go with love and respect and the knowledge that even if she finds no support from your community as a whole, she can always find support from you. I think you're doing that, and that's about all any good parent can do most of the time.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

 

[Maryn]

I also have an adult daughter who is trans (as well as polyamorous), and she and her wives have found that a town that's mostly fine can be ruined by the small number of those who do not accept their presence. After much difficulty renting from landlords who clearly did not want trans tenants, never mind credit scores, references, or employment, she bought a house in a Boston suburb. Neighbors on both sides harass them about things like day lilies nodding over the public sidewalk or the smell of new mulch. And they're talking about moving again, this time out to the country where they can be left the hell alone. If our daughter could work from home without ever needing to go in, they'd seek a more liberal and open-minded area. Boston isn't what it seemed.

It's okay to remind people that they are fine being who they really are, including that which is imperfect, but until everyone agrees we're all okay being our genuine selves, some places will seem hostile to anyone who's different, whether it's gender, culture, or skin color.

My heart aches for the hate our daughter endures for simply existing.

 

[LucindaLynx]

"Your mistakes are not your identity. Your fears are not your personality. Your body is not who you are, it just contains you.
People's opinions of you are a representation of them, not you. And unfortunately, being the best version of yourself will sometimes bring out the worst in others. So many people in this world are sad, angry, and miserable. When those kinds of folk see you trying to be the best you can be, it reminds them of their own flaws and shortcomings, like rubbing salt in a wound.
Remember: when someone is trying to make you feel bad about yourself, it's because they feel bad about their self. They're trying to make you feel just like them, but don't let them! Kill them with kindness! Be sincere. Eventually they'll stop whatever verbal or mental bullying they're throwing at you. Even if they don't, just move on with your life. You're a doer, a mover, and a shaker. You've got plenty better ways to spend your time then putting up with their garbage, trust me. Don't let them bog you down with a made up fog of lies that tries to cloud out your best qualities.
People will say and do nasty things. Don't feel bad about yourself."

Thank you for the wise words.

 

[Kyrin Sturdivant]

Your mistakes are not your identity. Your fears are not your personality. Your body is not who you are, it just contains you.
People's opinions of you are a representation of them, not you. And unfortunately, being the best version of yourself will sometimes bring out the worst in others. So many people in this world are sad, angry, and miserable. When those kinds of folk see you trying to be the best you can be, it reminds them of their own flaws and shortcomings, like rubbing salt in a wound.
Remember: when someone is trying to make you feel bad about yourself, it's because they feel bad about their self. They're trying to make you feel just like them, but don't let them! Kill them with kindness! Be sincere. Eventually they'll stop whatever verbal or mental bullying they're throwing at you. Even if they don't, just move on with your life. You're a doer, a mover, and a shaker. You've got plenty better ways to spend your time then putting up with their garbage, trust me. Don't let them bog you down with a made up fog of lies that tries to cloud out your best qualities.
People will say and do nasty things. Don't feel bad about yourself. You know your worth.

Thanks for this.

 

[Lynden42]

Your mistakes are not your identity. Your fears are not your personality. Your body is not who you are, it just contains you.
People's opinions of you are a representation of them, not you. And unfortunately, being the best version of yourself will sometimes bring out the worst in others. So many people in this world are sad, angry, and miserable. When those kinds of folk see you trying to be the best you can be, it reminds them of their own flaws and shortcomings, like rubbing salt in a wound.
Remember: when someone is trying to make you feel bad about yourself, it's because they feel bad about their self. They're trying to make you feel just like them, but don't let them! Kill them with kindness! Be sincere. Eventually they'll stop whatever verbal or mental bullying they're throwing at you. Even if they don't, just move on with your life. You're a doer, a mover, and a shaker. You've got plenty better ways to spend your time then putting up with their garbage, trust me. Don't let them bog you down with a made up fog of lies that tries to cloud out your best qualities.
People will say and do nasty things. Don't feel bad about yourself. You know your worth.

This is so very well said. Thank you.

 

[Maryn]

You know, since the OP apparently joined us simply to post this, never to return, I think after eight months we're done. Maybe the OP will return, maybe not.