Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a TURKEY!

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Editing for authors: because every writer needs a good editor.

WWWWolf

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Kind of reminds me of the horrible visions I got a few years back when I heard that spammers are using Project Gutenberg stuff to get past the Bayesian spam filtering algorithms. So it got me thinking of all sorts of horrifying possibilities, like...

...that the play is the tragedy, "Impotence,"

And its hero the Conqueror Pill.
...or...

'tis now the very witching time of the year,

When shopping malls yawn and post-Christmas sales posters breathe out

Contagion to this world: now could I use a clean credit rating...
(Spammers obviously don't need to make sure the poetry scans or anything. Or that metaphors make any sense or anything.)
 

aruna

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Help!

I am having a problem purchasing my ISBN. When I tried to do so, I got the following message:

You can only purchase one distribution for one project at a time. Please check out before purchasing another ISBN.

I went to Lulu online help and they really couldn't advixe me further; I finally decided to start all over again. I created a whole new COD, deleted the first one, and tried to buy the distribution package. Again, the same message:

You can only purchase one distribution for one project at a time. Please check out before purchasing another ISBN.

Can anyone advise?
 

aruna

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I just looked again, scoured the page, and I really, really don't see it! Do you mean the page where it says "list all projects" and you can "buy a distribution package?"
 

aruna

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Got it!
I had forgotten that I had actually started to purchase the ISBN a couple weeks ago so it was stikl there in my cart. I had to go to "View cart" and then to "Checkout". Makes sense. Still haven't purchased it, though; I need some more info.
Anyway, thanks James, you were right all along but my brain was stymied.
Ken, who kindly donated the money, will be getting his copy of the newest edition of COD very soon, and then we can take over the world!
 

Tsu Dho Nimh

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Sharla strikes it RICH!

Someone scraped a website somewhere! She is eligible for the 8 million dollar estate of "a nationality" of her country who has the same last name!

She's gonna be RICH!

***************
GABORWARI CHAMBERS
Solicitors & Notary Public
No.12 Rue Assigame,
Lome-Togo

ATTENTION Tann,

With warm heart I offer my friendship, and greetings, and I hope this mail meets you in good time. However strange or surprising this contact might seem to you as we have not met personally or had any dealings in the past, I humbly ask that you take due consideration of its importance and immense benefit. I duly aplogise for infringing on your privacy,if this contact is not acceptable to you First and foremost I wish to introduce my self properly to you.

I am Barrister Gabor Wari, a solicitor at law, personal attorney to Engr.S.J.Tann,a nationality Of your country,who used to work with Shell Development Company in Lome Togo.Here in after shall be referred to as my client. On the 21st of April 2001, my client,his wife and their only daughter were involved in a car accident along Nouvissi express Road.All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to your embassy here to locate any of my clients extended relatives,this has also proved unsuccessful.

After these several unsuccessful attempts,I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you.I have contacted you to assist in repartrating the fund valued at US$8 million left behind by my client before it gets confisicated or declared unserviceable by the Security Finance Firm where this huge amount were deposited.

The said Security Finance Company has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have his account confisicated within the next twenty one official working days. Since I have been unsuccesfull in locating the relatives for over 5years now,I seek the consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you.

Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for transfer.I have all necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim.

All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please get in touch with me through the above email for more details and clerifications.
Regards,

Gabor Wari Esq.

SENIOR ADVOCATE OF TOGO
***************
 

James D. Macdonald

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Travis Tea got one of those too! His relative must have been in the same car as Sharla's relative. Small world, eh? Travis has won various lotteries with prizes in the millions more times than I can recall. He's fabulously wealthy now, all thanks to having an email address listed on a website.

[Updated to add]: It's possible, now that I think about it, that Travis's relative (along with his wife and his daughter) was driving the car that collided with Sharla's relative's car. Imagine the scene of blood, terror, and death! Twisted metal, broken glass, the screams of the dying ... the horror, the horror!

On a lonely stretch of road in Togo, two families, two wealthy families, are destined to meet. Little did they think that morning, as they filled coolers with beer and set off on holiday, that the Nouvissi Express Road would prove to be their undoing.

S. J. Tann, an Engineer with Shell Oil, turned to his wife just as the speedometer nudged sixty-five miles an hour. The sun was in their eyes, for they were eastbound. "Are you wearing your knickers?" he asked. "In case of an accident, that is."

"No," she responded, in her usual simpering manner. "Knickers would only get in the way. I don't believe in knickers, nor does our daughter."

"You wearing your knicks?" S. J. asked their lovely just-turned-eighteen daughter, riding in the backseat.

"Nope!" she responded enthusiastically, and popped open another beer. Her short skirt rode up her thighs rendering her words superfluous.

Meanwhile, westbound on that self-same Nouvissi Express Road, Engineer (with Shell Oil) S. J. Tea turned to his wife. "I just read a book by my cousin, Travis," he confided. "Great book. Starts with a rich guy getting in a car accident."

"Wait a moment?" his wife trembled. "We're rich."

"You'll wake our daughter," S. J. said. "Hand me another beer." He glanced in the rearview mirror, to where their lovely daughter lay asleep in the back, her seatbelt unfastened. "No worries, though, the rich guy lives."

"If you mean that wonderful book, Atlanta Nights, available in brick-and-mortar bookstores from sea to shining sea, that I saw you reading, the rich guy in the auto accident dies."

"Lives."

"Dies."

"Lives."

"Dies."

Meanwhile, in the Tann automobile, S. J. had a question: "Do we drive on the right or on the left in this country?"

"Well," his wife suggested, "If the women wear knickers, we drive on the left. If, on the other hand, they wear panties, we drive on the right."

"What if the women don't wear anything at all?"

"If they aren't wearing knickers we drive on the left," she stated. "If they aren't wearing panties we drive on the right. I, myself," she sniffed, "am not wearing knickers."

Faster and faster, they drove east. In the left-hand lane.

In the Tea auto, the argument grew hotter:

"Lives!"

"Dies!"

"Lives, lives, lives!"

"Dies, dies, dies, times a thousand!"

"Lives, times a million!"

Neither was watching the road as they drove west, in the right-hand lane (which, from the point of view of the rapidly approaching Tann car was the left-hand lane).

Suddenly, Mrs. Tea screamed out, "Watch out for the Tann car!"

"Trying to get out of admitting you were wrong?" Mr. Tea asked. "And I don't see any tan car. The car directly ahead of us in our lane, with which we are about to have a head-on crash, is red!"

-----------

Oh, sorrow! For this reason Gabor Wari, Esq., (who by a weird coincidence represented both estates), now has the unhappy duty of discovering the relatives of both families, and must search the internet, for his efforts (to date) have been fruitless.
 
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CatSlave

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Travis Tea got one of those too! His relative must have been in the same car as Sharla's relative. Small world, eh? Travis has won various lotteries with prizes in the millions more times than I can recall. He's fabulously wealthy now, all thanks to having an email address listed on a website.
Is Travis single??
Is he into older chubby women and lousy sex?? :D
 

James D. Macdonald

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Is Travis single??
Is he into older chubby women and lousy sex?? :D

All your questions about Travis are answered here: http://www.travistea.com/

Oh -- Travis says to tell you that he doesn't know what "lousy sex" is. The worst sex he's ever had was absolutely fantastic.

Look at the reviews that folks who Aren't Travis Himself have posted:

"Makes sex fun again!" -- A Reader

"Five stars! Top rate!" -- Sirvat Ate

"If you only get screwed by one man this year, make sure it's Travis Tea!" -- Willem Meiners
 

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Old Hack

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That reads to me like the opening chapter to a New and Better Book, co-written by Mr Tea and Ms Tann, which they could publish under a pseudonym in order to protect their real identities. Only one problem: it's far too good for them.

Thanks, Uncle Jim, for another wonderful post.
 

CatSlave

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ENCORE, ENCORE !!

That reads to me like the opening chapter to a New and Better Book, co-written by Mr Tea and Ms Tann, which they could publish under a pseudonym in order to protect their real identities. Only one problem: it's far too good for them.

Thanks, Uncle Jim, for another wonderful post.
The devoted admirerers of Atlanta Nights and Crack of Death would be thrilled if Travis and Sharla got together for a little dirty boogie to produce a sequel.
We just can't get enough of that hissing and pissing and sobbing and throbbing.
Perhaps entice Fabio to pose for the book cover. Wearing real tight pants.
 

Dawno

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A while back I ordered a second copy of Crack of Death which I had donated as a prize to a blog contest "Debut a Debut" I got my copy but hadn't taken it out of the box. I just took it out as I'm going to mail a bunch of stuff off tomorrow and it's HUGE! I mean the page size is taller than an 8.5x11 page of paper (I don't have a ruler so I just held up a sheet of printer paper to it) My original copy (with nothing printed on the back) is about 6x10...any idea what happened?
 

aruna

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A while back I ordered a second copy of Crack of Death which I had donated as a prize to a blog contest "Debut a Debut" I got my copy but hadn't taken it out of the box. I just took it out as I'm going to mail a bunch of stuff off tomorrow and it's HUGE! I mean the page size is taller than an 8.5x11 page of paper (I don't have a ruler so I just held up a sheet of printer paper to it) My original copy (with nothing printed on the back) is about 6x10...any idea what happened?

I've no idea - I'll check and see if I have changed anything by mistake. Sorry about that... it defintiely wasn;t a decision on my part and I haven;t ahcnged anything at all - to my knowledge....
 

aruna

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That is just weird! I just checked, and the paper size had indeed been changed to the larger (A4!) size for some reason. I never did this myself - I am now changing it back, and it is a process which takes a couple of minutes so it cannot have happened by accident - I;d have noticed. I'm going to check on the Lulu boards to see if this has happened before and try and get you a refund.
 

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