Like Albedo, my first thought was for your fingers, then for your eyes.
The tree will grow back. There is a saying 'to flourish like a green bay tree'.
When I think of a 'phallic' tree, I think tall and skinny, like a cypress.
What did you do to this tree - cut off all the branches except a little flourish on the top? Or just narrow it generally?
In any case, if the look of it worries you, it's Christmas down there, as well, isn't it? Buy a long length of nice-looking garland, and wrap the tree like a green candy cane - at least it will look like you intended to be decorative. Or, that you've been drinking.