Fortune cookie misfires

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Introversion

Pie aren't squared, pie are round!
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Chinese take-out today. Cookie told me, "You are open-minded and easily make new friends."

I don't think it knows me very well.

I mean, I suppose I'm open-minded about the reasons that I don't easily make new friends.
 

Chris P

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I had one that said "You and your wife will be happy in your marriage." Um, not everyone has a wife. Or wants one. Lots of assumptions went into that cookie.

Then again, it was accurate in my case.
 

mccardey

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Not a fortune cookie, exactly, but fifty-something years ago, in one of those old Christmas crackers (I think America calls them crackers. We used to call them bon-bons. The tubed things on the table at lunch, with a paper hat and a small toy and a paper joke inside...) my father found a very surprising poem which I remember to this day:

'What will you have?' said the waiter,
Reflectively picking his nose.
'I'll have two boiled eggs, you bastard.
You can't get your finger in those.'

Lordy, lordy, they don't write Christmas poems like that, anymore *sigh*
 

Chris P

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Not a fortune cookie, exactly, but fifty-something years ago, in one of those old Christmas crackers (I think America calls them crackers. We used to call them bon-bons. The tubed things on the table at lunch, with a paper hat and a small toy and a paper joke inside...)

Actually, those aren't a thing here. I've only heard UK folks talk about them.

A cookie fortune I would like to see: "You are less hungry now than you were 30 minutes ago."
 

Maryn

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I wish I could remember what book it was--possibly Almost Paradise by Susan Isaacs?--but I vividly remember a little backstory in which college girls majoring in English got summer jobs thinking up fortune cookie messages, if they were busty enough. The owner only hired stacked English majors to come up with the cookies' messages.

I hardly ever see one that actually counts as a fortune and in any way predicts a future event. Mostly they're just bromides.

Maryn, who suddenly wants Chinese take-out
 

Introversion

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COVID-19 Haiku

My wife must hate me.
She upped my life insurance,
booked me on a cruise.

Me, harmonica —
I'm playing the COVID blues.
Dogs howl for mercy.

Still working from home —
When's the last time I showered?
Is today Thursday?
 

The Second Moon

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Once my friend's mom got a empty fortune cookie. She said, "Well, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Now I think about that every time I get a empty cookie. Is my fate so bad they'd rather say nothing?
 

frimble3

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Actually, those aren't a thing here. I've only heard UK folks talk about them.

A cookie fortune I would like to see: "You are less hungry now than you were 30 minutes ago."

We have them up in Canada, as well. And, if you like the idea, there are places on-line where you can get the 'snappers' that make the cracking sound when you pull them, and make your own. Some craft stores up here carry them on a seasonal basis.
 

frimble3

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Not a fortune cookie, exactly, but fifty-something years ago, in one of those old Christmas crackers (I think America calls them crackers. We used to call them bon-bons. The tubed things on the table at lunch, with a paper hat and a small toy and a paper joke inside...) my father found a very surprising poem which I remember to this day:

'What will you have?' said the waiter,
Reflectively picking his nose.
'I'll have two boiled eggs, you bastard.
You can't get your finger in those.'

Lordy, lordy, they don't write Christmas poems like that, anymore *sigh*
Probably because they fired that guy as soon as they figured out which one he was
 

TheKingsWit

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A few weeks ago I got one that said, 'Some cookies contain no fortune'.

I mean, it proved itself right, but...
 

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