Fortunately...unfortunately

[neandermagnon]

..the tank was so empty that the engine refused to function on Pepsi right away and didn't wait until they were doing 70mph on the motorway before conking out. Unfortunately...

 

[CDSinex]

the guy whose Vespa you stole reported it to the police and there is an APB for your arrest. Fortunately . . .

 

[oneblindmouse]

the photograph they have of you is so out of date you're unrecognisable. Unfortunately...

 

[CDSinex]

they showed the old photo on the evening news, and an ex recognized you and phoned the police. Fortunately . . .

 

[oneblindmouse]

the police didn't believe him, threatening to press charges against him for obstructing justice. Unfortunately...

 

[neandermagnon]

...they consulted a facial recognition expert who not only confirmed that the old photo is definitely you but also recognised your younger self in a press photo from that time you pranked your local MP by filling his office with bog roll. Fortunately...

 

[oneblindmouse]

you contacted a cabinet minister from a government "business meeting" during lockdown, who, having no memory of said meeting, couldn't remember exactly why he owed you a big favour, but equally couldn't deny owing you said favour, who told you he'd put Ms Gray on to your case. Unfortunately...

 

[CDSinex]

Ms. Gray resigned her position when told she was being put on your case. Fortunately...

 

[neandermagnon]

...an elephant rode by on a Harley Davidson with a side car and said "hey, jump in, I'll help you escape. Unfortunately...

 

[CDSinex]

the sidecar was full of elephant excrement so you politely decline. Fortunately...

 

[MAK4Him]

behind the elephant was a baboon on a Takada willing to offer an even more rapid escape which you cheerfully accept making you suddenly hungry for bananas. Unfortunately…

 

[neandermagnon]

baboons are nasty, bullying manipulative creatures that make humans look like the kindly Sunday school teachers of the primate family tree, and this one only rescued you because he wanted a pet human, so he took you back to his lair and locked you in a cage and gave you a big plate of instant mashed potato (the kind that looks and tastes like wallpaper paste because the only difference between it and wallpaper paste is whether you add salt or fungicide) because he read in a book somewhere that this is what humans eat. Fortunately...

 

[CDSinex]

because baboons have yet to enter the bronze age, let alone the iron age, the "cage" is made of grasses and twigs, allowing you to easily escape. While the baboon is napping you make your way to the street. Unfortunately…

 

[MAK4Him]

you run smack into the faint apparition of a character you've just read about and are longing to find out what's happening to him but the author has you tightly in the jaws of "gotta read the next installment" grasp that you relent to having to wait, sigh heavily and instead offer to go buy a cuppa of PG&Tips and some chocolate Digestives to commiserate. Fortunately.....

 

[CDSinex]

the digestive aids cure you indigestion induced hallucinations, and you set out to find a train station or bus terminal. Unfortunately…

 

[neandermagnon]

you trip over the sleeping baboon that you escaped from earlier, who is really happy to find his escaped pet human and puts you in a new cage, a metal one that he stole from some other humans. Fortunately...

 

[CDSinex]

He was unable to grasp the key, both physically and conceptually, and left the door unlocked, once again, allowing you to escape. Unfortunately…

 

[CDSinex]

You let out a, "Wow! That was easy", and immediately ask your self, "Did I say that out loud?" You look around the room and notice that a few of the sleeping baboons are stirring. Fortunately...

 

[oneblindmouse]

they only shift position, before falling asleep again, snoring loudly. Unfortunately...

 

[Brigid Barry]

...that was the moment when the tickle in your throat became unbearable, and you sneeze so hard that you also pass gas. Fortunately...

 

[oneblindmouse]

the gas is so fetid that the baboons pass out. Unfortunately...

 

[Brigid Barry]

so do you, collapsing into a heap on the floor. Fortunately...

 

[CDSinex]

You, having experienced this phenomenon almost nightly, wake up quickly and make your escape. Unfortunately...

 

[Brigid Barry]

...as the door closes behind you it locks automatically, and the leg of your pants is caught in the door. Fortunately,

 

[oneblindmouse]

the cheap material tears, and you are able to escape. Unfortunately...