I'm not "testing" how well I know my story, it's my life and I'm outlining my experiences. Testing my story was not the basis of this thread, I came for some advice on working around a blocked first person voice.
I suggested the reason you're blocked is because there's something in your story you don't want to face. That's not meant as a knock in any way - it's a reality that many memoirists run into. Sooner or later you have to face it, and when you do it's going to be tough but worth it.
I get that you're asking me to pin it all down succinctly but that's not something I'm able to do right now, I can't give you the outline and details you're asking for
I don't need the outline or the details - I'm asking you what your story is about. Up to now you said it was about this and about this and about this - and then you give us the paragraphs (below) which you didn't even hint at before.
I'm simply not explaining myself well enough for you at this stage because it's still a WIP.
You are explaining yourself just fine.
No, the awards were for the best blogs in Ireland.
Ah, okay. I understand that now - thanks. The "album" threw me.
Despite this, I'm still just the scum of the earth. Oh yeah.
The role of work in my life as woman - Work presaged my birth, peppered my childhood, I got my first job and my first period on the same day, I left school at 14 to work, I worked any damn job I could find until I was 18 when my first child was conceived, and I found work again, work of a type I never dreamed I would achieve. I talk about being a writer and thinker all my life and yet in the official sense, am worthless because I never finished school and claimed support from the government because I was 'foolish' to get knocked up as a teenager and as a result my 'type' is considered a write-off. Despite what I have carved out in the professional field, I still can't support my children myself, and am broadening my wings from music writing to fully-immersed longform, first in memoir, next with fiction. Are you aware of what life is like in Ireland:
I do know a wee bit about Ireland.
My mother is a broken, vicious wreck of a person who allowed the worst of life to wear her down, even though I saw her single-handedly lift us out of poverty through her will to leave the home and work when she too became an unmarried mother with no support. She left the home too much though and went too far. When the same happened to me, I began to feel I had no right to live and defective genes were sure to plague my own children too and I battled severe depression by trying to figure out the best thing I could do for all my family. I am the only sane adult of us all and it all falls to me to see them safe when they are drunk or manic and violent or psychotic, and I have my children's wellbeing to manage too, and no choice other than to choose to bear it all. What would a strong woman do? Kill the problem, chop out the root, kill my mother, myself and my children in order to finally end the vicious cycle? Or refuse to give in and find a way out despite the odds? I had to make tough decisions because life is hard work, and as a woman, there are aspects of this hard life that a man would not have faced. I clawed up some community college courses, and then actually managed to make good on them. I didn't just get a job. I didn't just get a career or a reputation. I got respect...and that is one single factor missing all my life and it was the key to discarding the desolation I felt about my role in the world. I know that my talents have been recognised, that anything else which I might achieve will be superfluous because I have reached a point in life where it's already enough. Enough is a wonderful, wonderful feeling after a long life of nothing. And wow, what came next? Proof for my children that nothing can ever hold us back as long as we find a way to keep believing in ourselves. I am A Strong Woman Who Does The Right Thing. My work is never, ever done. But I am now going to focus on writing books so that I can find an extra path towards the security of the future I now want to build, and this book is itself a piece of work that I hope will shape the future of my prospects in this country.
You wrote in "I" and it came across explosively. Well done.
Compare your "woman" stuff in your brass-tacks pitch to what you just wrote. It's a WTF kind of difference anyone could see. On that same note, I think your sex, drugs and rock'n'roll tableau take pales by comparison to the back story. After all, it's called "sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll" in a tidy package for a reason.
Lastly, you've started so keep going. Don't ever think of abandoning this.