First attempt at Twitter fiction

[EmotionalHygine]

Phone, keys, wallet, check. Shirt is crisp and white. Day's spent in meeting rooms then dinner with the wife. What more could one dream of in this affluent day and age, than an opportunity to spend your hours working for a wage?

Definitely feels more poemy than true storytelling. It wouldn't fit in a Twitter post but I can nail it in so few words

Or I could just remove the last sentance, far less dramatic though...

Phone, keys, wallet, check. Shirt is crisp and white. Day's spent in meeting rooms then dinner with the wife.

What more could one dream of in this affluent day and age, than an opportunity to spend your hours working for a wage?

SRS JUST REALISED I NOW HAVE TWO STORIES!

 

[ajaye]

Phone, keys, wallet, check. Shirt is crisp and white. Day's spent in meeting rooms then dinner with the wife. What more could one dream of in this affluent day and age, than an opportunity to spend your hours working for a wage?

Definitely feels more poemy than true storytelling. It wouldn't fit in a Twitter post but I can nail it in so few words

Or I could just remove the last sentance, far less dramatic though...

Phone, keys, wallet, check. Shirt is crisp and white. Day's spent in meeting rooms then dinner with the wife.

What more could one dream of in this affluent day and age, than an opportunity to spend your hours working for a wage?

SRS JUST REALISED I NOW HAVE TWO STORIES!

Love the idea. You could cut some words and do some re-arranging to reduce your count. Eg Crisp white shirt. Days in meetings, dinner with wife. This would continue the list-like, life by rote feel of the piece too. There's lots of ways to pare down that last sentence.

No apostrophe in days as it's a plural, unless you mean 'day is'?

 

[Phrenic]

Cut down some more. Hopefully it's not taboo chopping up another person's art. This is only an example to give you ideas. Great piece whichever direction you go!

Phone, keys, wallet, check. Shirt, crisp and white. Days in meeting rooms, nights alone with wife.

What more opportunity in this affluent age? Other than lost dreams, working for a wage?

 

[CaesarNaples]

Interesting idea for a story to be told via tweets. Although I think it's a good idea to separate it into multiple posts. Twitter fiction often requires more room to tell a cogent story. It's still an accomplishment divided into 140 character blurbs.

I think this idea will add some value to my Twitter app on my phone. I've never been attracted to Twitter.