Manuscript Title: 40 Days
Manuscript Genre: New Adult / Adult Fiction**
Manuscript Word Count: 85,000
Is your manuscript finished?: Y
Hook:
After moving to Los Angeles for her dream job, 23-year-old Bree Rodgers finds herself unexpectedly single. As a way of coping, Bree embarks upon a 40-Day Detox: No to talking to her ex, yes to exploring a new part of Los Angeles daily. When the job turns out to be a nightmare, Bree has two choices: stay in the city she’s growing to love and search for a better position or give up on a lifelong dream to move home and resume her relationship with the love of her life.
First 750 words:
New city. New job. New apartment.
This was supposed to be exciting. She was 23 and moving into her very own apartment in Los Angeles. Los Angeles. Sunshine for 300 days of the year. Her dream job.
Bree Rodgers had never been more miserable in her entire life.
“You’re breaking up with me?” Bree was sitting on one of the plastic bins she had brought from Indianapolis. She was not crying. She would not cry. Brandon was getting on a plane in two hours, and she would not let the last image he had of her be a tear-streaked, bright red face. “You just drove cross country with me and helped me move, and now you’re breaking up with me?”
Oh no. Her voice was doing that pre-crying quivery thing.
“Not breaking up with you. Just – ” Brandon paced. He never paced. He was the calm one in their relationship. “I think we should take a break, be willing to see other people.”
“That’s what people say when they don’t have the courage to break up with someone.” Bree pushed her fingernails into the palm of her hands to prevent tears. “Everyone knows that. It’s the new ‘it’s not me, it’s you.’”
“We’re going to be 2,200 miles apart.”
“It’s closer to two thousand.” Even as she said it, she wondered why. Like those two hundred miles would make him change his mind.
He laughed. How could he laugh? He was breaking up with her. Laughing was not allowed.
“You’re the only person in the world who could say something like that and not sound ridiculous.” Brandon knelt down in front of her, took her hands in his. She had always imagined he would do this someday, but it would be to propose. Not to break up.
Bree loved how their hands fit together. That’s how she had known, on their first date, that they were meant for each other. From the first time their hands connected, they had fit together like two interlocking puzzles.
She should pull her hands away, but she didn’t, because this was Brandon. Brandon, who had held her hands when she didn’t get that post-grad fellowship. When she found out her childhood dog had to be put down. For five years, his hands had been her steadying presence when her world upended. Now, even as his warm hands comforted her, he was the one upending of her world.
“I love you, but I can’t do long distance,” Brandon said.
Bree stared at him. “You’re telling me this now?”
“If I told you back in Indianapolis, you never would have left,” Brandon said.
“Of course not!”
Brandon stood up, his hands sliding away from hers. “That’s exactly why I couldn’t tell you! Because you wouldn’t have taken your dream job!”
“Exactly! It’s a job! That’s all! Our relationship, us, it’s much more important!” Bree stood too. She couldn’t believe him. Couldn’t believe this. “This is just an excuse, isn’t it? Your way of getting out of this relationship.”
“No! Bree, I love you. That’s why you have to take this job. I want you to be happy.” Brandon was making wild gestures with his hands. He only did that when he was upset.
Bree crossed her arms. Something she did when she was upset. “I’m happy WITH you!”
Brandon ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe now, but in five years? You were already bored with your job in Indy. You were never going to go anywhere with it.”
Bree stared at him. She had always found Brandon attractive, had teased him about being tall, dark, and handsome. Right now, he looked terribly ugly to her.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this.” She was not going to cry. “We’re a team. We’re Brandon and Bree. We’re that couple, the one who everyone wants to be.”
He looked like he was about to cry. Bree hated him for it, because he was the one causing all of this pain. He didn’t deserve to cry.
“Can you honestly say that we can make a long-distance relationship work?”
“We did before,” Bree said. “When I studied abroad!”
“That was for four months. It was temporary,” Brandon said. “You might never move back to Indiana.”
“You could move out here.” Even as she said it, Bree already knew the answer.
“I can’t leave. You know that. My family’s business, I love what I do. I don’t want to do anything else.”
What do you look for in a beta?:
**Regarding genre: I'm hoping potential beta readers will help me figure out the genre. The character’s age puts the book into New Adult, but, as written, the book more closely resembles adult fiction in the vein of women’s literature / chick lit.
At this point, what I most want is readers who can comment on the big picture: what works and what doesn’t about the characters (plus character motivation), pacing, and plot. My goal is to get feedback that would help determine the direction I take in the next round of revisions.
Manuscript Genre: New Adult / Adult Fiction**
Manuscript Word Count: 85,000
Is your manuscript finished?: Y
Hook:
After moving to Los Angeles for her dream job, 23-year-old Bree Rodgers finds herself unexpectedly single. As a way of coping, Bree embarks upon a 40-Day Detox: No to talking to her ex, yes to exploring a new part of Los Angeles daily. When the job turns out to be a nightmare, Bree has two choices: stay in the city she’s growing to love and search for a better position or give up on a lifelong dream to move home and resume her relationship with the love of her life.
First 750 words:
New city. New job. New apartment.
This was supposed to be exciting. She was 23 and moving into her very own apartment in Los Angeles. Los Angeles. Sunshine for 300 days of the year. Her dream job.
Bree Rodgers had never been more miserable in her entire life.
“You’re breaking up with me?” Bree was sitting on one of the plastic bins she had brought from Indianapolis. She was not crying. She would not cry. Brandon was getting on a plane in two hours, and she would not let the last image he had of her be a tear-streaked, bright red face. “You just drove cross country with me and helped me move, and now you’re breaking up with me?”
Oh no. Her voice was doing that pre-crying quivery thing.
“Not breaking up with you. Just – ” Brandon paced. He never paced. He was the calm one in their relationship. “I think we should take a break, be willing to see other people.”
“That’s what people say when they don’t have the courage to break up with someone.” Bree pushed her fingernails into the palm of her hands to prevent tears. “Everyone knows that. It’s the new ‘it’s not me, it’s you.’”
“We’re going to be 2,200 miles apart.”
“It’s closer to two thousand.” Even as she said it, she wondered why. Like those two hundred miles would make him change his mind.
He laughed. How could he laugh? He was breaking up with her. Laughing was not allowed.
“You’re the only person in the world who could say something like that and not sound ridiculous.” Brandon knelt down in front of her, took her hands in his. She had always imagined he would do this someday, but it would be to propose. Not to break up.
Bree loved how their hands fit together. That’s how she had known, on their first date, that they were meant for each other. From the first time their hands connected, they had fit together like two interlocking puzzles.
She should pull her hands away, but she didn’t, because this was Brandon. Brandon, who had held her hands when she didn’t get that post-grad fellowship. When she found out her childhood dog had to be put down. For five years, his hands had been her steadying presence when her world upended. Now, even as his warm hands comforted her, he was the one upending of her world.
“I love you, but I can’t do long distance,” Brandon said.
Bree stared at him. “You’re telling me this now?”
“If I told you back in Indianapolis, you never would have left,” Brandon said.
“Of course not!”
Brandon stood up, his hands sliding away from hers. “That’s exactly why I couldn’t tell you! Because you wouldn’t have taken your dream job!”
“Exactly! It’s a job! That’s all! Our relationship, us, it’s much more important!” Bree stood too. She couldn’t believe him. Couldn’t believe this. “This is just an excuse, isn’t it? Your way of getting out of this relationship.”
“No! Bree, I love you. That’s why you have to take this job. I want you to be happy.” Brandon was making wild gestures with his hands. He only did that when he was upset.
Bree crossed her arms. Something she did when she was upset. “I’m happy WITH you!”
Brandon ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe now, but in five years? You were already bored with your job in Indy. You were never going to go anywhere with it.”
Bree stared at him. She had always found Brandon attractive, had teased him about being tall, dark, and handsome. Right now, he looked terribly ugly to her.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this.” She was not going to cry. “We’re a team. We’re Brandon and Bree. We’re that couple, the one who everyone wants to be.”
He looked like he was about to cry. Bree hated him for it, because he was the one causing all of this pain. He didn’t deserve to cry.
“Can you honestly say that we can make a long-distance relationship work?”
“We did before,” Bree said. “When I studied abroad!”
“That was for four months. It was temporary,” Brandon said. “You might never move back to Indiana.”
“You could move out here.” Even as she said it, Bree already knew the answer.
“I can’t leave. You know that. My family’s business, I love what I do. I don’t want to do anything else.”
What do you look for in a beta?:
**Regarding genre: I'm hoping potential beta readers will help me figure out the genre. The character’s age puts the book into New Adult, but, as written, the book more closely resembles adult fiction in the vein of women’s literature / chick lit.
At this point, what I most want is readers who can comment on the big picture: what works and what doesn’t about the characters (plus character motivation), pacing, and plot. My goal is to get feedback that would help determine the direction I take in the next round of revisions.
Use it; don’t abuse it.