Manuscript Title: (In)Human
Manuscript Genre: paranormal YA (I know, I'm crazy to be writing that right now...)
Manuscript Word Count: 62133
Is your manuscript finished?: Y
Hook:
Case Bennett is eighteen, socially awkward, and possibly the world’s first vegetarian werewolf. After prom night ends in an attack from an unusually large dog, the doctors and nurses at the hospital ignore her abnormally fast recovery, crediting the medicine and encouraging her to attend a "special support group" for her condition - advice the antisocial teen ignores until the day her English teacher becomes a panther to prove a point.
Case soon finds herself caught between two rival packs who are only too willing to kill her if she fails to fit in with one or the other. Worse, random attacks like the one Case suffered are not only continuing, but getting more public - and more lethal - and each pack is quick to blame the other. Case must battle both her anxiety and the paranormal as she struggles to find her place in this new, feral world.
First 750 words:
Case Bennett spent her last night as a human wearing dirty red converse shoes under a pink formal gown that was pushing Glenda-the-good-witch levels of sparkle and puff.
Had she known it was her last night as a human, okay, yeah, she probably would have dressed better.
It was the night of prom. A chilly spring day had turned into a chillier spring evening, and the moon stretched, high and full and clear in the cold Alabama sky above the eighteen-year-old as she sat in the back of her daddy’s pickup and tried not to shiver or cry or just give up and drive home. Her mouth tasted like garlic and onions and cinnamon gum after the pre-prom dinner, and the air was heavy with the smell of fresh cut grass and exhaust off the nearby highway. Case took a deep breath, and it shuddered going out.
Out here she could just barely pick up the beat of the sound system inside the auditorium. It mingled with the sounds of the highway and the wind in the pines that surrounded the school, making her feel detached from the familiar tune, like it was the soundtrack from a movie playing in another room, and not part of her life at all.
She felt so stupid. She’d never been interested in things like prom, but she’d let herself be convinced by all those who said she would regret it if she never went. She hadn’t thought about the fact these kinds of things always inevitably left her feeling left out and pathetic. In effect, she’d saved up for months to afford a ridiculous dress and some truly frightening suck-in-the-fat undergarments just for the privilege of laying in the cold in the bed of a pickup feeling sorry for herself. Hell. Stop it.
The anxiety was something she’d suffered for years. A private something, thank you very much, that no one needed to know about. She could handle it. She just needed – needed – hell. It was like one of those cartoons with the angel and the demon on either shoulder. On the one hand she knew she was responsible for her own good time. Of course she wasn’t going to have fun if she isolated herself from the group she had come with, refused to dance, and had a bad attitude. On the other hand she felt sure that no one really wanted her there, that they were all privately laughing that she’d gotten excited and dressed up just like one of the pretty girls, and that she would only ruin their good time if she forced herself on them.
After all, no one had even noticed when she left.
Hell.
Stop it.
Case took another deep breath. She told herself the shuddering was from the cold. She wasn’t going to cry. Okay. She wished she was at home on the couch in her pajamas with her parents. God, that was pathetic. Get up. Stop being stupid.
Her scary undergarments jabbed into her ribs as she began to sit up, and for a moment she struggled like a cartoon turtle stuck on its back as she tried to convince the thick corset-y materiel to bend. She stepped on the hem of her dress and heard it rip when she finally gained her feet. Hell. Yanking up the skirts, she began to climb over the tailgate.
“Hey!”
Case jerked, wobbled, and nearly fell off. She looked around the parking lot, hope and warmth sparking. Someone had come looking for her after all. She was – no, no, they hadn’t. The voice belonged to one of the teens in an unsteady cluster making their way to the back of the parking lot. They were laughing and shouting, jumping on one another, shoving, cussing, having the best time of their lives. They hadn’t seen her.
Case jumped down and leaned against the back of the truck, rubbing her bare arms against the chill. Hell. She could still go home. She would need to tell the group she’d come with though, probably. They’d eventually realize she was missing. Trevor and his boyfriend, Marcia and Robin from drama, Kim from English. They could all fit in one car without her, so it wouldn’t cause any trouble.
The group at the other end of the parking lot gave a loud hoot, and then a roar of laughter. It took Case a minute to spot what they were looking at: a cluster of three or four large dogs in the shadows at the edge of the school building.
What do you look for in a beta?:
Primarily, someone who will give me an honest reaction to the story. In the past when I've had someone read my work I get 'it's good', and have to dig and beg for more. I need to know what works and what doesn't.
Manuscript Genre: paranormal YA (I know, I'm crazy to be writing that right now...)
Manuscript Word Count: 62133
Is your manuscript finished?: Y
Hook:
Case Bennett is eighteen, socially awkward, and possibly the world’s first vegetarian werewolf. After prom night ends in an attack from an unusually large dog, the doctors and nurses at the hospital ignore her abnormally fast recovery, crediting the medicine and encouraging her to attend a "special support group" for her condition - advice the antisocial teen ignores until the day her English teacher becomes a panther to prove a point.
Case soon finds herself caught between two rival packs who are only too willing to kill her if she fails to fit in with one or the other. Worse, random attacks like the one Case suffered are not only continuing, but getting more public - and more lethal - and each pack is quick to blame the other. Case must battle both her anxiety and the paranormal as she struggles to find her place in this new, feral world.
First 750 words:
Case Bennett spent her last night as a human wearing dirty red converse shoes under a pink formal gown that was pushing Glenda-the-good-witch levels of sparkle and puff.
Had she known it was her last night as a human, okay, yeah, she probably would have dressed better.
It was the night of prom. A chilly spring day had turned into a chillier spring evening, and the moon stretched, high and full and clear in the cold Alabama sky above the eighteen-year-old as she sat in the back of her daddy’s pickup and tried not to shiver or cry or just give up and drive home. Her mouth tasted like garlic and onions and cinnamon gum after the pre-prom dinner, and the air was heavy with the smell of fresh cut grass and exhaust off the nearby highway. Case took a deep breath, and it shuddered going out.
Out here she could just barely pick up the beat of the sound system inside the auditorium. It mingled with the sounds of the highway and the wind in the pines that surrounded the school, making her feel detached from the familiar tune, like it was the soundtrack from a movie playing in another room, and not part of her life at all.
She felt so stupid. She’d never been interested in things like prom, but she’d let herself be convinced by all those who said she would regret it if she never went. She hadn’t thought about the fact these kinds of things always inevitably left her feeling left out and pathetic. In effect, she’d saved up for months to afford a ridiculous dress and some truly frightening suck-in-the-fat undergarments just for the privilege of laying in the cold in the bed of a pickup feeling sorry for herself. Hell. Stop it.
The anxiety was something she’d suffered for years. A private something, thank you very much, that no one needed to know about. She could handle it. She just needed – needed – hell. It was like one of those cartoons with the angel and the demon on either shoulder. On the one hand she knew she was responsible for her own good time. Of course she wasn’t going to have fun if she isolated herself from the group she had come with, refused to dance, and had a bad attitude. On the other hand she felt sure that no one really wanted her there, that they were all privately laughing that she’d gotten excited and dressed up just like one of the pretty girls, and that she would only ruin their good time if she forced herself on them.
After all, no one had even noticed when she left.
Hell.
Stop it.
Case took another deep breath. She told herself the shuddering was from the cold. She wasn’t going to cry. Okay. She wished she was at home on the couch in her pajamas with her parents. God, that was pathetic. Get up. Stop being stupid.
Her scary undergarments jabbed into her ribs as she began to sit up, and for a moment she struggled like a cartoon turtle stuck on its back as she tried to convince the thick corset-y materiel to bend. She stepped on the hem of her dress and heard it rip when she finally gained her feet. Hell. Yanking up the skirts, she began to climb over the tailgate.
“Hey!”
Case jerked, wobbled, and nearly fell off. She looked around the parking lot, hope and warmth sparking. Someone had come looking for her after all. She was – no, no, they hadn’t. The voice belonged to one of the teens in an unsteady cluster making their way to the back of the parking lot. They were laughing and shouting, jumping on one another, shoving, cussing, having the best time of their lives. They hadn’t seen her.
Case jumped down and leaned against the back of the truck, rubbing her bare arms against the chill. Hell. She could still go home. She would need to tell the group she’d come with though, probably. They’d eventually realize she was missing. Trevor and his boyfriend, Marcia and Robin from drama, Kim from English. They could all fit in one car without her, so it wouldn’t cause any trouble.
The group at the other end of the parking lot gave a loud hoot, and then a roar of laughter. It took Case a minute to spot what they were looking at: a cluster of three or four large dogs in the shadows at the edge of the school building.
What do you look for in a beta?:
Primarily, someone who will give me an honest reaction to the story. In the past when I've had someone read my work I get 'it's good', and have to dig and beg for more. I need to know what works and what doesn't.
