Critique my summary!

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JillianBondarchuk

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I'm on the last mile of my journey to self-publishing my first novel and I'm in sore need of constructive criticism for my summary.


“I wanted adventure. Instead I found myself, life and love… only to have it all torn away from me.”
-Meggie Washington

After her world is flipped upside down, Meggie seeks stability with her grandmother in the Scottish Lowlands. Drawn to the secretive castle Ghlas Thùr, she stumbles upon an ancient magic that plunges her into a dangerous journey through time. Stranded in the 17th century, Meggie finds herself entangled in secrets and old resentments along with a deep passion for a Scottish warrior who defies time and life itself to be with her.


Lay it on me!! :)
 

Maryn

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Okey-doke. Please don't hate me!

I hate vague phrases and I hate cliches, but quite a bit of this blurb is sort of both. (No hitting!)

I would dearly love to see you replace the phrasing I've put in italics.

After her world is flipped upside down, Meggie seeks stability with her grandmother in the Scottish Lowlands. Drawn to the secretive castle Ghlas Thùr, she stumbles upon an ancient magic that plunges her into a dangerous journey through time. Stranded in the 17th century, Meggie finds herself entangled in secrets and old resentments along with [Huh? She's found herself entangled in a deep passion?] a deep passion for a Scottish warrior who defies time and life itself to be with her.

What I'd rather see is wording that suggests the specifics. What flips her world? (Tell me about her sister's death, her experiment with LSD, her financial ruin...) How did she happen to find out about the ancient magic other than stumbling? What did she do that got her mixed up in the secrets and such, and how did she connect with the Scot at a level that makes him willing to risk to much?

Maryn, not a meanie, honest
 

JillianBondarchuk

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haha no this is what I need!!! thank you!! I will revise everything you have marked. Summaries are not my strong suit.
 
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JillianBondarchuk

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Alright Maryn, I hope I addressed your issues with my first posting. I find that I'm reluctant to reveal too much lest I ruin parts of the story I think are best kept secret and revealed upon reading the novel. But this is my first time writing a summary so what do I know? That's why I'm here, begging for your advice. :)


On the heels of a breakup, Meggie, a culinary artist, leaves Manhattan for the stability of her grandmother’s farm in the Scottish Lowlands. Drawn to the secretive castle Ghlas Thùr, she falls through a chasm in the earth while exploring the estate and crawls out of a cave into the 17th century.

Taken in by the MacKinnon clan, Meggie forges a friendship with the castle’s cook and finds love with Colin, the MacKinnon’s clan’s renown warrior. Meggie grows to love her new life, but when old feuds resurface she is caught in the danger. With her life threatened by the edge of a sword, all seems lost until an ancient magic teaches her that sometimes true love can survive the span of centuries.
 

CathleenT

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Actually, this reads pretty well. However, you might want to put it in Share Your Work, Query Letter Hell. You'll definitely get more responses. Just clearly label your offering as a blurb in the title, or some folks might try turning it into a query. : )
 
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JillianBondarchuk

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Thank you Cathleen I will do that. Still trying to navigate this group.
I was thinking the same thing SapereAude, but when I wrote it that way MSword flagged at as a misspelling. I will look into it further.
 
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